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A_nonny_moose1's FML badges
You sure know how to party?
You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!
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A_nonny_moose1's favorite FMLs
Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML
by cl4ptp / 08/14/2012 at 8:17am / United Kingdom (Vale of Glamorgan, The) / Intimacy
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/09/2012 at 10:26am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé told me that he was having second thoughts on our engagement. Instead of just calling it off, he took me to a fancy restaurant and took a public poll on whether we should get married. The majority said no. FML
by exfiancee / 08/05/2012 at 9:20am / United States (South Carolina) / Love
Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML
by wut / 08/05/2012 at 1:23am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 08/04/2012 at 7:04pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Midlothian) / Miscellaneous
Today, my live-in-boyfriend lost his job. Jokingly, I told him that we weren't going to have sex until he found a new job. He then turned to me with the most excited look I have ever seen on his face and said "I am going to stay unemployed forever!" He was serious. FML
by Nikki / 07/27/2012 at 9:45am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by LOTRfail / 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/25/2012 at 6:54am / United States (California) / Kids
by strangebeans / 07/25/2012 at 1:27am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML
by Rachel / 07/20/2012 at 1:13am / United States / Money
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 10:43am / Japan (Tokyo) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…
- Today, my friends told me they have been able to see all my BDSM likes in their Facebook feeds. My… Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy… Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk.…