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Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83836) - you deserved it (4506)
On 04/04/2009 at 10:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25390) - you deserved it (66373)
On 04/04/2009 at 1:59am - intimacy - by GrandmasWhore (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14620) - you deserved it (84912)
On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at my bosses house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4 foot cake before passing out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25407) - you deserved it (60339)
On 03/30/2009 at 6:17pm - work - by Donzai (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my watch broke so I casually mentioned to my dad that I needed a new one. A little while later he hands me this really nice watch. He says, "Here, this one's been lying around for a while". It was the watch I gave him for Father's Day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64478) - you deserved it (3822)
On 03/25/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by regiftee (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was nude modeling for the first time for a life art class. The only criteria for the class was that I not move at all while being observed. After a few seconds I noticed a really hot girl drawing me. I got a hard on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67147) - you deserved it (22278)
On 03/18/2009 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Opplyst11 - United States (Georgia)
Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait til marriage. Four hours later he walked in on us having sex in my bedroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34762) - you deserved it (203599)
On 03/16/2009 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by thiswouldhappen. - United States (Florida)
Today, my physics teacher asked who had implants. I raised my hand. Then he asked me to show him the implants. Shocked at his request I called him a perv. I later discovered he meant dental implants as he was teaching x rays not breast implants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9132) - you deserved it (88461)
On 03/07/2009 at 8:40am - misc - by Noname - Pakistan (Islamabad)
Today, at a hard rock concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (173680) - you deserved it (12042)
On 03/07/2009 at 12:51am - misc - by shit_upon_literally (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off. He replied: "that's okay, I'm f***ing three other girls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42261) - you deserved it (103947)
On 03/05/2009 at 1:01am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, a customer opened with "you open bottles with them thangs?" I look around my desk for something he might confuse with an actual bottle opener. His girlfriend then informs me he is talking about my breasts. I work for a bank. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35219) - you deserved it (2873)
On 03/01/2009 at 9:31pm - work - by bottlepoppin (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked over and said "well at least we dont have to worry about boys for the next two years." FML
I agree, your life sucks (51110) - you deserved it (3343)
On 03/01/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by jajaja (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23614) - you deserved it (85968)
On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11468) - you deserved it (55686)
On 02/25/2009 at 1:41pm - work - by foolishgirl (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I just studied for 13.5 hours completely outlining a book for history. Thirty minutes before the test, I realized I had been reading the wrong book. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28609) - you deserved it (30899)
On 02/23/2009 at 10:32am - work - by Nic (man) - United States (Virginia)
Friday 24 May 2013
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