Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

ALlamaOnFire

Search for a member

ALlamaOnFire
  • Town/Country : Birmingham, England
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1930
  • Number of comments : 255
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About ALlamaOnFire : I'm Katy & I like a million and one things so message me x o

ALlamaOnFire's last visitors

imshadyxoDoubleDie7iHiccupBSMike_SweatpantsBlack_Knight80rob02incoherentrmblrusmcfieldstotallybananassanchezdavidSnowFangedBeautypratikp03

ALlamaOnFire's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

See all of ALlamaOnFire's badges

ALlamaOnFire's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized I've been confusing scenes from The Lord of the Rings with American history. FML

#19339659
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6092) - you deserved it (21058)

On 03/24/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by Avery - United States (California)

Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML

#19299263
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7594) - you deserved it (39824)

On 03/18/2012 at 7:41am - love - by Austin Franklin - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML

#19297071
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19889) - you deserved it (1664)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:41pm - misc - by vanorav (man) - United States (California)

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

#19271086
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23301) - you deserved it (3466)

On 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm - health - by PixieWrists - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

#19109077
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19349) - you deserved it (1729)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

#19046512
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23255) - you deserved it (3955)

On 02/11/2012 at 5:19am - animals - by lulu - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got punched by a man for making fun of his stutter. I didn't. I stutter too. FML

#18980797
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35742) - you deserved it (2118)

On 02/02/2012 at 11:00pm - misc - by Sam (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

#18844188
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27263) - you deserved it (4507)

On 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

#18814667
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24137) - you deserved it (3118) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/15/2012 at 1:14pm - love - by Vitriol (man) - France

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

#18766108
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36766) - you deserved it (3391)

On 01/10/2012 at 12:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - India

Today, I was so bored that I began searching for videos of people popping their pimples. FML

#18642510
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7152) - you deserved it (32589)

On 12/29/2011 at 7:03am - misc - by nolife - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

#18626777
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39799) - you deserved it (2059)

On 12/27/2011 at 5:32pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I walked into my elderly grandmother's trailer, used the bathroom and went to wash my hands. She had a soft spot in the floor that she covered with a bathmat. I fell through. Right leg up to my hip in the floor, boobs stuck on the counter. My husband and grandmother stood there laughing. FML

#18624537
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22613) - you deserved it (2572)

On 12/27/2011 at 12:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after returning to the UK from my Australian holiday, I was fired from my job for no reason. My boss told me he'd waited till I'd returned to do it. I could have stayed in Australia with my mates traveling for a year if I had been fired before I left. I'm sure he did it on purpose. FML

#18510886
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23770) - you deserved it (1755)

On 12/14/2011 at 11:53am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I found out that the gentle, adorable oral surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth last year was recently arrested for rape. FML

#18416702
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27843) - you deserved it (2236)

On 12/03/2011 at 1:43am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: