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Offline (the 01/18/2015 at 1:48pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5541
  • Number of comments : 255
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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ALlamaOnFire's page activity

Visits<b>couchcat</b> - the 11/27/2015 at 11:41am<b>kpetrovski</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 12:23pm<b>nehaanoor</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 3:29pm<b>Aprilislegend</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 2:12pm<b>rouslov</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 3:42pm<b>cgowe4</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 10:33pm<b>moliknz</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 11:23pm<b>Cloco98</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 11:36am<b>kelseysking</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 2:45pm<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 12:30am<b>moulchlo</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 10:10am<b>Bellatrix55</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 11:26am<b>pikawarriors</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 1:28am<b>valkabow</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 8:47am<b>Draco295</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 11:54pm<b>TYRRELL</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 4:46pm<b>crosa19</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 1:11pm<b>incoherentrmblr</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 2:06am

ALlamaOnFire's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

See all of ALlamaOnFire's badges

ALlamaOnFire's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 5:56pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy

Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML

by Andy / 05/12/2012 at 10:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

by aliqi / 05/12/2012 at 4:48pm / United States / Animals

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

by thepigeonsfriend / 05/07/2012 at 10:08am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

by yosenfal / 04/27/2012 at 9:04pm / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Intimacy

Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML

by NoPrivacy / 04/26/2012 at 6:44am / United States / Work

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

by foshizzle / 04/25/2012 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

by intheairtonight / 04/25/2012 at 2:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

by Jaclk / 04/24/2012 at 5:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my partner thinks love is more meaningful than sex, so it's okay to stick his penis in someone else. FML

by Munkeh / 04/12/2012 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2012 at 3:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML

by Scarred / 04/03/2012 at 11:27pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

by azmom / 03/27/2012 at 1:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids