About A713 : INTP. Native French speaker. In short, I like winter, hockey, coffee, History, music of a couple of genres, crime novels, LOTR, HP, DW, languages and animals.
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A713's favorite FMLs
Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML
by suuuuuupucci / 12/25/2009 at 1:25am / United States (California) / Animals
by RoxMySox / 12/24/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML
by Sean / 12/24/2009 at 7:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by chris / 12/23/2009 at 1:42pm / United States (California) / Work
by blumaster04 / 12/22/2009 at 5:53pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on Facebook chat with my boss, talking about holiday hours. I had to go to my doctor's appointment, so I said, "G2G, love you" accidentally. Not only did he say it back, but he also requested a relationship with me on Facebook. FML
by ohshat / 12/22/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2009 at 3:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 3:53pm / United Kingdom (London) / Love
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend's crazy ex, who let herself in with her old key. She screamed at me to get out of "her" bed, snatched "her" blanket off of my body, and finally dragged the bed itself out the door. I was still in it. FML
by jellyfish_ftw / 12/15/2009 at 5:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my 10 year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screams when she sees me. Then, she starts hitting me, looking panicked. I control her and ask why she's hitting me. She says 'Everyone thought you were dead!' FML
by Ghost / 12/14/2009 at 4:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
by FrozenD / 12/12/2009 at 11:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did it, I realized there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper, he never did and came out without socks. FML
by dayum / 12/10/2009 at 4:03pm / Mexico (Chihuahua) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking a placement test for the new college I am going to. After the test and picking up a few numbers, I left with great pride. I opened the door and started walking out. I then realized that I had walked into the closet. FML
by Wrongdoor / 12/06/2009 at 9:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous