96bart96

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Offline (the 12/13/2014 at 3:03am)

96bart96

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 29 September 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3720
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About 96bart96 : Hello creepers!

........move along now

96bart96's page activity

Visits<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 10/16/2013 at 4:32pm<b>cskipgolfer2013</b> - the 08/30/2013 at 8:21pm<b>roro_superloser</b> - the 07/11/2013 at 1:40pm<b>Ishq786</b> - the 06/16/2013 at 9:33pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/05/2013 at 3:33pm<b>larson15</b> - the 06/04/2013 at 11:48pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 06/02/2013 at 2:21pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 05/27/2013 at 11:36am<b>goalie01</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 5:42am<b>Mr_Leading</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 3:00am<b>Bryankaoz</b> - the 05/23/2013 at 11:09pm<b>army_of_misfits</b> - the 05/23/2013 at 8:22pm<b>Halie0119</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 3:25pm<b>bendboys</b> - the 05/14/2013 at 8:39pm<b>red1116</b> - the 04/07/2013 at 12:27pm<b>lochiamochia</b> - the 03/13/2013 at 11:38pm<b>Dennisse_47</b> - the 03/11/2013 at 12:07am<b>GabrielleFrance</b> - the 03/09/2013 at 6:58am

96bart96's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

96bart96's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 1:34pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

by not getting laid / 10/13/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

by hoo flung pu / 10/03/2013 at 4:26am / United States / Animals

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2013 at 1:44pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm / Switzerland (Bern) / Work

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

by interphaseprophasemetaphase / 09/04/2013 at 7:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

by NoNotCats =^._.^= / 09/03/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2013 at 1:06am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 1:18pm / United States / Health

Today, in the middle of examining me, my gynecologist suddenly took a sharp intake of breath and vomited on the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 7:10am / Latvia (Jelgavas) / Health

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

by AnnoyedByFriends / 08/08/2013 at 12:43am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML

by Anonycunt / 07/27/2013 at 12:30pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

by anonymous / 07/24/2013 at 9:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation