About 5up3rTAN : El Chupacabra
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was sitting on the train and the guy across from me had "Lice Shampoo" written in magic marker on his hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15140) - you deserved it (1751)
On 03/10/2010 at 12:07am - health - by onlychick (woman) - United States
Today, I realised the only guy who is showing any slight interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick up lines such as "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19655) - you deserved it (1755)
On 02/17/2010 at 5:49am - love - by LoveDrug (woman) - Ireland
Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22983) - you deserved it (2723)
On 02/15/2010 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16162) - you deserved it (2110)
On 02/06/2010 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom (York)
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on-line. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15410) - you deserved it (4049)
On 01/17/2010 at 12:30am - intimacy - by writer4life (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my mom explained the benefits of douching to me with my boyfriend right there. He began arguing with her about how the vagina is usually self-cleaning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11769) - you deserved it (1401)
On 01/10/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by CD (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13838) - you deserved it (3125)
On 12/08/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by fatguyinalittlecoat (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was riding on my usual bus, when I noticed a man staring at me. I was having a really bad day, and said "Can you please stop staring at me?" He then replied with "I'm just trying to look out the window, and your head is in the way. Don't flatter yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6063) - you deserved it (29847)
On 11/26/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54583) - you deserved it (12512)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39394) - you deserved it (23761)
On 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by LondonKitsch (woman) - United States
Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51972) - you deserved it (2819)
On 06/05/2009 at 3:43am - intimacy - by MBG (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82605) - you deserved it (3656)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was talking with this cute guy. I mentioned the fact that I'm single. His response, "It'd be awkward, but we can still fuck." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55747) - you deserved it (7357)
On 05/05/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by penisface69 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24774) - you deserved it (105875)
On 03/18/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by Melaknee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53401) - you deserved it (8610)
On 03/06/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by cumguzzler - United States (South Carolina)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
