About 2856B9BD : Scrumdiddlyumptious!
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Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65652) - you deserved it (136771)
On 03/29/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33065) - you deserved it (115247)
On 03/22/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Mason_Jayson - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML
I agree, your life sucks (67572) - you deserved it (7161)
On 03/09/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43798) - you deserved it (35582)
On 03/03/2009 at 4:27pm - kids - by Fat Dad (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14337) - you deserved it (74988)
On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML
I agree, your life sucks (69259) - you deserved it (20133)
On 02/10/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by peacock_mina19 - United States (Michigan)
Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31079) - you deserved it (6969)
On 01/26/2009 at 9:58am - misc - by buddy - United States (Michigan)
Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37917) - you deserved it (6428)
On 01/22/2009 at 6:27pm - love - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)
Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15104) - you deserved it (2443)
On 01/08/2009 at 6:21am - health - by depraved - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I am a Frenchie who's been in England for two months. While wanting to say to my technician that my manager made me groan during our meeting, I said that he made me moan. Now he keeps looking at me with a grin on his face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11255) - you deserved it (2212)
On 12/18/2008 at 11:30am - misc - by ladyhead - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull)
Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21275) - you deserved it (1682)
On 11/21/2008 at 7:53am - misc - by Kourou - Sent from mobile version
Monday 17 June 2013
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