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Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
by flea-bitten / 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm / United States / Work
by wilks311 / 02/02/2013 at 9:12am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by anon / 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by lspicknall / 05/12/2012 at 2:41am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health
Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML
by gottalovefriends / 04/23/2012 at 12:04am / United States (New Hampshire) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/19/2012 at 10:14am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
by jesifairy / 04/13/2012 at 12:46am / Australia / Love
Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
by screaming monkey / 04/04/2012 at 6:13am / United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead) / Health
by KMO / 02/25/2012 at 11:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by dis_bee_leaf / 02/13/2012 at 11:27am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by themuffinman / 12/27/2011 at 10:15am / Japan / Health
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:39am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by applesmama / 09/17/2011 at 12:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…