22jrdn55

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22jrdn55

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 29 February 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5884
  • Number of comments : 488
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About 22jrdn55 : Hi, I am a very friendly, down-to-earth kind of guy. I like meeting new people every now and then. Don't worry, I don't bite, and NO I will not hunt you down nor stalk you. Although, I have been arrested a couple of times. First arrest was for attempted child molestation. The second time was for attempted murder. And my last more recent one was for first degree murder, yeah I don't really get along with people I guess. Wondering why I'm not in jail? Well, when I was young, my family went on a vacation and left me home alone. I was so angry with them, so the night they came back I set the house on fire. Luckily, I was able to run out the front door. Sadly, they didn't make it and I to watched them run around like gerbils. I've always hated gerbils, so this ways kind of hilarious for me. After their funeral, I was raised by the orphanage. Anyway, don't worry that's all in the past, right?
Don't worry I got over the illness along time ago, so don't hesitate to send me a message. :D

22jrdn55's page activity

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22jrdn55's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of 22jrdn55's badges

22jrdn55's favorite FMLs

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

by coolhand / 08/29/2009 at 11:13am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my 5-year-old daughter saw a pad commercial. She asked me what they were, but I didn't think she was old enough to hear it. I just told her that they're like diapers for mommies. Now she won't stop telling people that mommy wears diapers. FML

by diapermommy / 08/26/2009 at 10:17am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

by Sarah / 08/25/2009 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, after spending $15,000 to treat my dog's cancer over the past two months, he died of kidney failure. FML

by w-dog / 08/24/2009 at 1:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing Ultimate Frisbee and trying to make new friends since I'm new at my college. I was running after an overthrown frisbee for a touchdown. Everyone cheered me on to keep going. I ran full speed into a fence. FML

by AvengdSevenfold / 08/24/2009 at 10:22am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

by doomed / 08/22/2009 at 1:46pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

by Ben / 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

by ohgod / 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

by Rory / 07/23/2009 at 12:26am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

by nudie / 07/19/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided I was going to bleach my bikini line, as I have not been able to shave there due to some ingrown hairs, and I also have to lifeguard every day. As it turns out, I'm allergic to the bleach. There is now an angry red, burning rash on my crotch that you can see around my swimsuit. FML

by nobleach / 07/02/2009 at 10:05am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

by yourmom / 06/16/2009 at 12:06am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I moved out of my apartment and thought it would be nice to leave the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom for the next tenant. I later got a notice from the management that I was being charged $50 for leaving behind "personal items." FML

by alynn / 05/29/2009 at 9:59am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

by Anonymous / 05/05/2009 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Money