About 1happymummy : English country bumpkin, mum of one, waiting until I rule the world.
1happymummy's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
1happymummy's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/18/2012 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
by lifeonfire12 / 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm / Canada / Intimacy
by Gayeveryday / 04/15/2012 at 12:12am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
by displeased / 04/05/2012 at 2:47am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/29/2012 at 12:53pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML
by neveragain / 03/16/2012 at 1:11am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML
by yamsterr / 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm / United States / Love
by Illinoisgirl / 02/14/2012 at 9:29am / Hungary (Budapest) / Love
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
by aliezzedine / 02/02/2012 at 6:32am / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
by givingup / 01/30/2012 at 12:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 8:10pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML
by possiblyoverweight / 11/08/2011 at 9:01am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Kids
Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML
by Username / 08/31/2011 at 3:36am / United States / Intimacy
by slut / 08/29/2011 at 12:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed… Today, I was just taking a wank with my laptop on low battery. Almost finished when my laptop died.… Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I…