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123ev456's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/23/2012 at 3:25pm / United States / Intimacy
by Gavin / 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Intimacy
by Fatty1970 / 05/22/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML
by thatsasquee / 05/21/2011 at 2:42am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
by Jackedup / 05/18/2011 at 3:57am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 1:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
by littlegirl / 05/07/2011 at 12:46am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/06/2011 at 3:16pm / United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead) / Holidays
Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML
by eringoBRA / 05/06/2011 at 10:07am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Monika / 05/05/2011 at 5:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Charlie / 05/04/2011 at 11:30pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend compared my hair color to hers. Also, she braided my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I asked her why and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 3:12am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
by thatsucks / 02/28/2009 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love
- Today a client called the vet clinic I work at to inform us her house has bed bugs and that's the… Today, I was playing video games in the dark and drinking soda during the slow periods. When I took… Today, I got home from a double shift to find my husband in bed with my sister. Also, I found out I…