If you want to know "about me"
instead of just reading my life story and being a stalker,
Here, why don't you just send me an email, since you already took the time to see my profile? :)
mudjello@yahoo.com
cheers!
Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53952) - you totally deserved it (2298)
On 06/24/2009 at 5:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of MAYO on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13123) - you totally deserved it (73572)
Today, I looked down to see a tiny spider crawling on the inside of my leg, very close to my crotch. When I tried to brush it off, it only flew a couple inches because it was making a web between my legs. Even a spider knew that it's been awhile. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73029) - you totally deserved it (7172)
On 05/07/2009 at 1:07am - intimacy - by qwertymay (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60350) - you totally deserved it (4546)
On 05/02/2009 at 4:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
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On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
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On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML
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On 04/24/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Anonymousagb (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)
Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML
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On 04/17/2009 at 1:02pm - misc - by Daniel_rules (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my friend and I were seeing a movie. We ended up sitting next to a man who was continually laughing, clapping, and bouncing up and down on his seat. Extremely annoyed, we turned to him and told him to "shut the fuck up". Turns out he had downs syndrome and ran out of the theater crying. FML
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On 04/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by katem (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
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On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theather. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML
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On 04/13/2009 at 8:44pm - work - by brad3720 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching TV, randomly she starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited she says to me "Just Joking". FML
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On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML
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On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
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On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I decided to take a nap. My boyfriend gave me some sleeping pills but I decided last minute not to take them. I woke up to my boyfriend kissing my neck and unbuttoning my shirt. Without opening my eyes, I whispered "ooh this is so romantic." He blurted out shocked, "Oh...you're awake?!" FML
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On 04/01/2009 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
