About 0RedPenguin0 : I looove music. I listen to alternative, big band, bluegrass, blues, classical, folk, metal, post rock, punk, rap, and rock, and my favorite artists include Jack White, Jherek Bischoff, Modest Mouse, Led Zeppelin, and Ben Folds. I play lacrosse, chess, and guitar, and am working towards a career in audio engineering. If you message me, I will never get it; I still haven't once logged in on anything other than my iPhone.
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Why am I up so early?
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0RedPenguin0's favorite FMLs
by AllegroRubato / 12/04/2012 at 3:09pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Intimacy
by Gahh... / 12/03/2012 at 12:18am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
by fineididntwantkidsanyway / 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy
Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML
by Anonymous / 11/20/2012 at 5:41am / United States (California) / Health
by poserpilot / 11/12/2012 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Health
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML
by holyshitbatman / 11/08/2012 at 11:53pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML
by Squid / 11/07/2012 at 12:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patrons suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 7:11pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML
by bunintheoven / 10/23/2012 at 12:21am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, my mother told me that my dead grandmother speaks to her. How? When she's thinking of her while brushing her teeth, her electric toothbrush will suddenly stop buzzing and this tells her her mother is communicating with her. FML
by smdh / 10/21/2012 at 10:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML
by nahalDZ / 10/20/2012 at 1:29pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/20/2012 at 4:42am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…