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By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 705

You deserved it 28 643

By Girl w/ the Pearl Earring - 22/08/2016 11:46 - Australia - Perth

Today, it was another stressful day of watching servicemen at my job trying to figure out what broke an extremely expensive and essential machine. I'm just waiting for the day they finally discover the earring I dropped into it about a week ago FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 185

You deserved it 5 041

By ihatemyjob - 15/08/2016 19:12

Today, I worked from 8 to 7 without a break and I'm still not done with my assignment. Meanwhile, my coworker crafted a piece of paper looking like a watermelon slice and posted a picture of herself seemingly taking a bite out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 629

You deserved it 1 043

By gamerlaura - 14/08/2016 03:33 - United Kingdom - Blaenau-ffestiniog

Today, I woke to the sound of my baby crying at 4 a.m. I also heard my partner snoring, knowing he was not beside me and the baby was not in her crib, I went into the nursery. There was my crying baby laying across my snoring partner's chest. Guess he fell asleep during feeding time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 471

You deserved it 1 836

gamerlaura tells us more.

gamerlaura 13

Sunday 14 August 2016 11:45

Actually the reason he was sleeping was he was drunk. Plus he offered to feed her when she first woke up as he was already up and told me to go back to sleep. So that's what I get when my boyfriend wants to take the first night feed he has ever done in the 17 weeks since she was born. FML

By Dansonn - 17/03/2009 03:17 - United States

Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my car doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. The note read, "F*** you, Jackson." I'm Tyler. Jackson is my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200 880

You deserved it 10 633

Funny to him

By Binkplugged - 05/07/2016 18:01

Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 973

You deserved it 1 880

By TooNoisy4Me - 04/07/2016 09:46 - United States - Bellerose

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 759

You deserved it 1 155

Seventh heaven

By Egyptian ToyBoy - 17/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable, aggressive orgasm that I'd be celebrating my efforts, if only in the process she hadn't knocked over my new expensive laptop, which then split in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 490

By Anonymous - 02/03/2018 19:00

Today, I was put on academic suspension only to find out my professor entered my grade wrong. I lost my financial aid and have to explain to my parents why I’m not in college anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 595

You deserved it 297

Superanty Man

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 03:30

Today, I met my father-in-law for the first time. He went on a big rant how men are superior intellects and women contribute nothing to society. Ironic, as it took me, a woman, 30 seconds to notice it's biologically impossible for him to be my husband's father. After 33 years, both he and my husband haven't figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 243

By Dominique Richards - 20/02/2018 19:00

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. When I woke up I found out they pulled the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 817

You deserved it 222

Early show

By Anonymous - 26/01/2020 20:00

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 598

You deserved it 535

Long distance

By Xerfox - 20/06/2016 20:34 - Germany - Neckarsulm

Today, I flew to Germany to meet up with a girl that I met in America five months ago and fell in love with. We've been talking every day for five months straight. I get here just for her to tell me that she likes me "like a brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 407

You deserved it 1 921

By TheComedyAudio - 06/04/2018 01:30

Today, I surprised my girlfriend of 3 years with Stone Sour and Korn tickets, since I knew how badly she wanted to go. She responded by asking if we could go as just friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 782

You deserved it 342

By Joshua - 03/06/2016 17:53 - United States - Weatherford

Today, the woman I have been seeing said she couldn't see a future with me. This was all because I didn't text her back when I fell asleep after working a double night/morning shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 527

You deserved it 1 238

By JustTheWife - 12/05/2016 17:24 - Denmark

Today, my husband and I got into a huge fight about his ex-fiancée, after I found out he's been confessing his love to her behind my back. Our fight ended with him yelling that yes, she's the love of his life, "But I still married you, didn't I?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 014

You deserved it 1 993

By SorrowsReward - 06/05/2016 11:08 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I was so exhausted that I took a quick nap on the floor of my classroom during one of my free periods. I must have turned off the alarm I set, because I was gently woken up to the giggles of a whole class of students. To make matters worse, I was lying in a big puddle of my own drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 075

You deserved it 3 515

SorrowsReward tells us more.

SorrowsReward 27

Saturday 7 May 2016 18:12

hey FML legends! OP here. It's true. I fell asleep on my classroom floor... It's a beautiful classroom (which I keep very clean #26) and there are three steps going up onto a carpeted platform which was the scene of this particular crime... It wasn't a particularly comfortable nap, but I hardly noticed at the time. And it certainly was worth it - even considering the slightly-above-average levels of embarrassment I endured for it - I was so tired I was in that state that everything was funny except for my actual existence, which isn't exactly the best mindset to be mounding young minds from... I really should stop burning the candle from both ends! It's an all-girls school, and word spread pretty quickly... but luckily for me I was already regarded as the eccentric music teacher, so sleeping in my empty classroom during a free period is pretty tame in comparison to the things they probably expect from me ?