Your everyday life stories

Kyle - 28/05/2016 00:25 - United States - Murphysboro

Yesterday, My cat fell out of a tree that hangs over the road and it was almost immediately ran over. It was 6 months old. FML

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GetFuckedDickface - 28/05/2016 00:23 - Australia

Today my housemate could not come up with the week's rent again. We both work the same number of shifts at McDonalds each week. While I eat only plain $0.65 pasta and walk to work each day to save cash, he buys $5 coffees twice a day, and goes clubbing every weekend. FML

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Anonymous - 28/05/2016 00:21 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I realized my depression is so bad I can't even bring myself to play video games. FML.

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magnusbane222 - 28/05/2016 00:16 - United States - Trenton

Today, I went to walk in my front door. In the span of 2 seconds, my phone in my hand slammed into the door handle and cracked, my head slammed on the wall, and my key broke in the key hole. FML

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rebelsrock - 27/05/2016 23:52 - United States - Champlin

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting into it in the bedroom. She had been kissing my neck and all of a sudden got worried because she thought she left a hickey. I didn't have the courage to tell her it was just acne. FML

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MedoA - 27/05/2016 23:32 - United States - Rockville

Today,in class we were supposed to bring our baby pictures to class., then shuffle them and guess who it is. My crush got my picture and said outbound" who the fuck is this creature" it was me. Fml

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LeEpicMemerDoge - 27/05/2016 23:20 - United States - North Scituate

Today, I accidentally sent my chemistry teacher, the man I also asked for a college recommendation from, a dick pic. FML.

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Wideout40 - 27/05/2016 23:18 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, for a major LA essay I wrote about why creationism should not be taught in schools. Apparently my teacher is a creationist, she took points off for no reason and wrote me up for being "offensive" and "sac religious". FML

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needagoodlaugh - 27/05/2016 23:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just finished treating my cat for fleas and bombing my apartment and washing everything. I went to visit my sister for the first time in almost a year and somehow managed to take a live flea with me. Now I get to do it all again at her place. FML

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Emily - 27/05/2016 23:14 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my teacher announced that a project was due next week. This would've been fine, if we hadn't only started it 2 days ago. She claims we've worked on it for a month. FML.

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WhyAmISoStupid - 27/05/2016 23:01 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself after months of being bullied in my PE lessons. This resulted in my bursting into tears in front of everyone and I have a meeting with the head teacher on Monday due to my disruptive behavior. I'm a laughing stock for trying to defend myself. FML.

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anon - 27/05/2016 22:21 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, my sister set off a gigantic cola and mentos bomb in my bedroom. It was so big, there's now sticky cola on the walls, ceiling, and practically everything else in between. This is my punishment for finishing the last carton of orange juice. FML

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Itineranthuman - 27/05/2016 19:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I'm flying to El Paso. I've been trying to explain that a flight arriving at 6:00 pm is utterly incapable of getting me on my connecting flight at 5:25 pm, but the ticketing agent doesn't seem to grasp that 5 comes before 6. This is the second time this has happened with this airline. FML.

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irresponsible_me - 27/05/2016 19:12 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was too drunk to drive home so I left my car at the bar and got a ride. The next day I go to retrieve my vehicle only to find that it'd been stolen. FML

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BonjourPeople - 27/05/2016 18:41 - United States

Today, is Day 5 of Battle Against the Bedbugs. Just found the larvae in the screwholes of my bed. FML.

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Antman - 27/05/2016 17:43 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, a bug flew into my eye. Two hours later I picked "sleep" out of my eye. It was all black and had legs.

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Anonymous - 27/05/2016 17:15 - United States - Kent

Today, I overheard my ex bragging to his buddies about how freaky his new girlfriend is, what with her animal tail butt plugs and such. Towards the end of our relationship, he called me disgusting for suggesting we spice things up with handcuffs. FML

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IamHM - 27/05/2016 16:40 - United States - Albuquerque

Today I had a salad for lunch. What's worse than finding a bug in your food? Finding a half-eaten bug. FML

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pretzelpirate - 27/05/2016 16:39 - United States - Aurora

Today, is my boyfriends last day of leave from the military. I have a UTI and can hardly walk without feeling the burning sensation of ten thousand suns.

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halnicchr - 27/05/2016 16:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was visiting and thought it would be funny to put his handcuffs on my wrists. After he did it, he realized he left the key at home 3 hours away. We had to call a police officer to come and release me.

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_FR3NZY_ - 27/05/2016 16:06 - United States - Kermit

Today, during math class I fell asleep and my crush got to see me create more drool on my desk in 5 minutes than a mastiff can produce in a day. FML

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kmb1416 - 27/05/2016 15:41 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had to walk for 2 hours in hot weather whilst desperately needing the toilet, because I was in the middle of nowhere with no other means of transport (or places I could privately relieve myself). It got so bad that I started to fantasise about what the restrooms would be like. FML

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MadMom - 27/05/2016 15:39 - United States - Highland

Today, after waiting an astounding 4 months for night splints to help correct my son's feet, they arrived with flowers and butterflies on them.. FML

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doglover1818 - 27/05/2016 15:24 - United States - Branford

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by telling me he got another girl pregnant and they're keeping the baby. FML

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Phone - 27/05/2016 15:23 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I stuck my hands in my pocket to get my phone during math class. The teacher then announced to the entire class how I shouldn't masterbate in my pants. FML.

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mama bear - 27/05/2016 15:05 - United States - Decatur

Today, my best friend begged me to go with him to have his wisdom teeth removed, and to make sure he didn't say anything stupid in front of his dad very Christian father. He got into the car and I told him to be quiet, and the first thing he said to me was, "Shut the fuck Up. " FML

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foxesntea - 27/05/2016 14:59 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, while enjoying a day at the waterpark, I went down a waterslide and broke both my front teeth. I look like a retarded vampire. I have my graduation photos tomorrow. FML

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TheMadCheshire - 27/05/2016 14:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriends been in California for the last month, on army orders, and I texted him good morning like usual. Only response I get back is, "come suck me off." FML

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asperix - 27/05/2016 14:52 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, i got drunk and proposed to my ex boyfriend... at his wedding. FML

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kerfinoctulus - 27/05/2016 14:50 - United States - New Port Richey

Today, I finally asked my crush out. When she said "yes" she was giggling with excitement, meanwhile I realized her laugh is the most annoying thing in the world. Now I'm stuck with her and she won't stop laughing. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML

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Today, my Tinder date arranged an Uber to pick her up before we had even finished our appetizers. She was so bored she couldn't be bothered to stay for the whole meal. FML

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Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my crush how I feel about them. I poured my heart out, only for them to tell me that they're already seeing someone else. To make matters worse, they then asked me for advice on how to impress their new partner. FML

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Today, my girl bestie, who I secretly have a crush on, sent me a screenshot of my girlfriend tagging me on a Facebook post, saying, “So when were you planning on telling me you have a girlfriend?” I fucking told my girlfriend not to tag me on shit in social media but she did it anyway. Now my bestie won’t talk to me. FML

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Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having a little fun when the pull-out couch decided to try to eat us. Now I have a broken nose and my boyfriend keeps making jokes about the "human eating couch." FML

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