Your everyday life stories

Baegel - 01/06/2016 02:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. It was only until halfway through the fight that I realized he was just quoting Gotye's "Somebody That I Used to Know". FML

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NoThanks999 - 31/05/2016 22:59 - United States

Today, I got out of school early for finals and took the bus home. On the way there, an old lady commented on why I got out early. It turned into an argument among passengers as to if we should get off early, and I was kicked off the bus for "causing a disturbance". FML

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chelseannerose - 31/05/2016 22:08 - United States - Concord

Today, I came home to find out that my cat threw up on my white bed. Not only did she throw up food, she threw up a lizard that she ate. The head was still attached to the guts. FML

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saturday17 - 31/05/2016 19:36 - United States - Spokane

Today, My brother decided to put his new car on my insurance. I was originally paying 198 for 5 cars I now am paying 588. He refuses to pay anything more then 205 because that's what he was quoted. FML

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armandopd26 - 31/05/2016 19:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, While walking down the stairs my dog ran under my leg and I fell face first in to the wall. Now there is a hole in a wall in the shape of my face. FML.

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Gaggy Gagerson - 31/05/2016 18:24 - United States - Jefferson

Today, at work as a bar tender a woman had what I can describe as the world's largest shart, all over the toilet seat that ran down the outside of the toilet. I was the only one there to clean it and I have a very high gag reflex. FML

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cnl_82 - 31/05/2016 17:21 - United States - Manassas

Today, I realized we are the weird, antisocial neighbors. Only lived here for a month, and moved here for the fun neighbors, but since we've been here, we've had 2 cases of flu, one emergency surgery and a case of pneumonia. We spent the month in quarantine so they think we are stuck up. FML

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killerkisser97 - 31/05/2016 16:29 - United States

Today, my little brother said he had to go to the bathroom. He then stood up from the couch, walked past the laundry room and said "oh well, this is closer", walked into the laundry room and closed the door. Very confused, I entered the room after he left, to find that he's peed in the cat box. FML

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Hic hic - 31/05/2016 14:20 - United Kingdom - Swadlincote

Today, I'm entering hour 2 of painful, very loud hiccups. I feel like my stomach is being stabbed every time I hiccup and I daren't talk incase it triggers one. FML.

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Anonymous - 31/05/2016 11:39 - Australia - Perth

Today while cutting onions, my girlfriend took the opportunity to mock me for crying, being the joking type I quickly replied with "Yeah onions to me is like alcohol to you". She told me that was the last straw and got all of her stuff and left. FML

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ENDmySUFFERING - 31/05/2016 11:15 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, while arguing with my Dad that I can't use an alarm clock because I'm a very deep sleeper, insted of saying "It doesn't wake me up", my dirty brain made me say "It doesn't turn me on." FML.

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somedayiwill - 31/05/2016 10:19 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as a result of severe anxiety, depression, and, ironically, fear of failure, I have begun my 6th year of high school. FML.

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bookiepd - 31/05/2016 09:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I noticed an awful, potent smell coming from my celling. My mom had put out poison a few nights ago to kill the rats living in our attic. I guess we found out where in the attic they died. FML

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HeisenburgLabs - 31/05/2016 09:30 - United States - Carthage

Today I can't come to terms with my sister and her past of having sex with strangers, pot abuse, and drinking till she blacked out. Despite her academic probation level grades, she is now in an honorary masters program and making way more money than I do. I know my parents love her more than me. FML

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Waschlappen - 31/05/2016 09:28 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I woke up to myself screaming and something furry jumping from my blanket and out through my open window. Last week I heard rats outside. FML.

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Thetrickyway - 31/05/2016 09:24 - France

Today, I got kicked out of the bus because an old lady yelled at me for my place. 5 places were free around us but I was in "her spot".

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Snowii - 31/05/2016 09:21 - Australia - Labrador

Today, I stayed home all day after moving to my new apartment. My neighbours have been having sex in their bedroom all morning and resumed a few hours later for the rest of the afternoon. FML

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CarissaLyn - 31/05/2016 08:59

Today at 3AM, I saw the dog had the cat cornered on a shelf full of photos. In an attempt to prevent chaos, I rescued the cat & took it to another room. It must've sensed I hate cats 'cause it flew out of my arms, sending the dog on a chase & leaving me with a bloody hand & 2 very awake parents. FML

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ElizabethTheGreat - 31/05/2016 08:48 - United States

Today, sound asleep next to my boyfriend, he starts having a bad dream and punches me in the hip. I've been awake for 2 hours now. it's 4:30 in the morning and he's sound asleep. FML.

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Medcanyon - 31/05/2016 08:29 - United States - Surprise

Today, I finally got the courage to ask to ask for this cute guys number, since we been flirting quite a bit. I guess his new very recent girlfriend didn't appreciate that for she was standing right behind him. I now have a missing chunk of hair. FML.

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pretty - 31/05/2016 07:40 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I water changed my fish tank. Forgot about it while filling it back up. I now have a swimming pool in my lounge room. FML

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doodycakes - 31/05/2016 05:48 - United States

Today, as I was working at Togo's, a customer came in and complained they did not get enough meat on their sandwich. I was told to double the meat by my manager, so naturally, I did just that. The customer then complained there was too much meat and I was sent home. FML

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humptydumpty - 31/05/2016 04:04 - United States - Grayslake

Today, I felt like some part of my leg needed to crack, so I was on all fours on my bed moving back and forth trying to crack. And then at that moment my sister came in and started asking me why I was humping my bed, and she won't stop talking about it. FML

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FMAmory - 31/05/2016 04:00 - United States - Trussville

Today, I finally heard my girlfriend snore for the first time. Any other time, I would have thought it was adorable, except it happened during sex. FML

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SallySnowflake - 31/05/2016 04:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, at an interview for a new job, the boss farted and tried blaming the smell on me. FML

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numbat97 - 31/05/2016 03:59 - Australia - Subiaco

Today, I went to my first ever party, the toilet only had a curtain for a door so I asked someone to guard the doorway for me but they left to watch the person puking in the next room. I was still painfully sober when someone stumbled in on me peeing and just stood there staring. FML

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SuckyFMLs - 31/05/2016 03:53 - United States - Elkton

Today, I was hunting. Someone else was hunting too. I found this out when a stray bullet struck my leg. I am typing this from the hospital. FML

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Tytonic - 31/05/2016 03:37 - United States

Today, I found out that the dream I had a week ago where I ordered $5000 worth of monopoly boards wasn't a dream at all, and that I was, in fact, drunk. FML

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vermonthiker - 31/05/2016 02:42 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, I had to turn in the speech I was told to write for my upcoming graduation. I spent many hours of typing and retyping, trying to fit a motivating and entertaining speech into one minute of speaking. Then I was told there had been a mix up and I would not be giving the speech after all. FML

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Anonymous - 31/05/2016 02:29 - United States

Today, While having sex with my boyfriend and close to orgasm, I hear my niece yell "I want a baby cousin." from outside my door. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I found out my ex-husband left the fridge full of rotting meat in the house that I'm selling. I turned off the power to the house in March. Now the whole house stinks, and I had to have the fridge professionally removed and the kitchen cleaned because buyers are coming to look at it tomorrow. FML

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Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I spent all of last night preparing, researching the company, and making sure everything was perfect. My interview was for 8am. I woke up at 10:30 to an alarm that had not gone off. FML

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Today, my scumbag landlady broke into my place and stole my mop, which I refused to give her earlier. She denied everything and tried to convince me that some criminal broke in using a key, stole only my mop, and was nice enough to lock up on the way out. FML

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Today, my dad is too old to drive, period, and yet while I was at work my wife thought it was a good idea to let him try her new Mercedes, which by the way I bought and insured. He used the accelerator like he was driving a shitbox Nissan and destroyed our local kebab shop's big front window and door. FML

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Today, my housemate saw some stuff in the barn, thought I surely wouldn’t be using it, so he stacked lots of lawn furniture on top. The “stuff” in question? Bales of hay. As in, daily food for my horses. FML

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Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML

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