Your everyday life stories

Unknown - 31/05/2016 01:57 - United States - Lititz

Today, I got a phone call from my dad, realizing it was a butt dial, I still decided to listen in. After a few minutes I started to hear weird noises and realized my dad was having sex. My dad told my family he was on a "business trip". FML

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Anonymous - 31/05/2016 01:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, when I came home from work I found out that my roommate had allowed her best friend's 6 kids to stay at my house for the next two days. She also allowed her godson to stay over and his girlfriend as well. All of this without asking me. FML

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good timing, vandal - 31/05/2016 01:45 - United States - Clover

Today, I woke up to find my house vandalized. Don't worry, no big damage done- just about a thousand dicks spray painted everywhere. I'm trying to sell my house. FML

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crazyoranges - 31/05/2016 01:37 - Australia - Perth

Today, we had a work fundraising event. I had to go buy the oranges we needed for drinks. 30,000 oranges later, I'm the one they talk about in maths equations. FML

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Anonymous - 31/05/2016 01:34 - United States - Niceville

Today, I was eating at a busy restaurant and I was put next to a family with a bunch of small children. After about 15 minutes of non-stop crying, screaming, and kicking, I kindly asked the parents to calm down their kids. The parents made a huge scene and the manager asked me to leave. FML

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aianmoo16 - 31/05/2016 01:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I confronted my parents about my crippling depression, only to be laughed at. FML

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shackles - 30/05/2016 23:52 - United States - Palatine

Today, I decided to wear a tank top, but I wasn't sure if I would be dress-coded, so I decided to ask my friend if I should wear a sweater over it. Her response? "Why would you care? It's not like you're pretty enough to be noticed by someone." FML

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Anonymous - 30/05/2016 23:19 - United States - Lenoir

Today, I was trying to get my nail polish off in a rush. I had my nail polish remover propped up in my lap when I accidentally hit it with my elbow. It spilled on me, seeping through my pants and underwear. Let's just say, it burned a lot. FML.

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IamHM - 30/05/2016 21:43 - United States - Albuquerque

Today my dog had the cone of shame on after her surgery. i was out on my balcony with her, and my idiot neighbor thought it would be funny to give her a dog treat through the railing between our two balconies. My dog ran forward and bashed her nose on the metal railing. Back to the vet we go. FML

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Bglen1 - 30/05/2016 21:14 - United States - Columbus

Today a cop pulled me over and nearly arrested me for possession of marijuana... It was a bag of oregano I was delivering to my mothers... FML

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Stuckinacar - 30/05/2016 20:43 - United States

Today, I left the FL Keys at noon for a five hour drive home. It's been four hours and we've gone 50 miles of a 300/mile drive. Dad won't stop to use the bathroom, I had to pee in a cup with my whole family in the car or pee in my pants. FML.

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anonymous - 30/05/2016 20:43 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, we were playing a ball game in class. It was all fun and games until a student hit the ceiling light with a basketball causing the lamp to fall down. This would have been funny if I hadn't been under the light when it fell. I woke up in hospital. FML

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Cougar - 30/05/2016 20:39 - Germany - Herresbach

Today, after a bottle of wine, I finally convinced my grandma to tell me about her crush. Turns out, he's a great guy who I like a lot. In fact I like him so much I've been dating him for 2 years. FML

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nosynoseknows - 30/05/2016 19:40 - United States - New York

Today, I was writing an essay in my room when I smelled a fart. It was not mine, and I was the only one in the apartment. FML

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fml - 30/05/2016 11:39 - Australia - Eltham

Today, my mother asked if I was hiding something from her. I asked her what she was referring to and she then asked if I was pregnant. I had to explain to her that I was just fat. Fml

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1st time offense - 30/05/2016 10:37 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I accidentally shoplifted. I hadn't realized that I had taken the skirt until my friend pointed it out 10 minutes later. I then had a panic attack while bringing it back to the store. FML.

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turtlelover93 - 30/05/2016 10:13 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I have been feeding a stray cat for over a month, and still haven't gained his trust. He comes into my house to eat then leaves, so I decided to trap him while he was eating. Bad idea. I now have a ripped screen door. FML

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lonelybartender - 30/05/2016 10:04

Today, I got stuck bartending by myself from 5PM to close. With Memorial Day, I expected the crowd that trickled in around 10PM. What I didn't expect was the bar's internet crashing at 10:15, completely disabling the juke box, the ATM, and the credit card reader for the rest of the night. FML

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Anonymous - 30/05/2016 08:29 - United States - Cambria Heights

Today, my fiancé's mother told me that she found his hidden stash of nude photos of me on his computer. Worst part? She showed it to his dad. FML.

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Nagasaki - 30/05/2016 04:54 - United States

Today, I fell asleep during an incredibly boring documentary on China's past. This would've been alright in normal circumstances, if it weren't for the fact that I unconsciously ripped a monstrous fart that left people gagging for a solid minute or two in front of my crush. FML

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MistyMessedUp - 30/05/2016 04:43 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, someone put a camera over the stall I was peeing in, how I figured out. My head hit the camera when I got up. Now there's probably a video of a thirty year old peeing somewhere on the Internet. FML

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why_me - 30/05/2016 03:51 - Canada - Dawson Creek

Today, we are staying at my boyfriend's grandparents' house. His brother clogged the only toilet. I have to wait who knows how long to go, and it's my period. FML

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nogravyplease - 30/05/2016 03:24 - United States

Today, at work, I was yelled at by a mom for putting gravy on her daughter's mashed potatoes, even though her daughter asked for it. Later, when her daughter put gravy on her potatoes, I was yelled at again for "corrupting" her mind. FML

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edgyasfuck23 - 30/05/2016 03:09 - United States - Blairsville

Today, my cat decided that it wanted to go exploring under my house. I had to rip a panel off the side to get her, and I was bitten by 2 mildly venomous spiders. FML.

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rockergal21 - 30/05/2016 03:05 - United States - Holly

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get into it, and as I was taking her socks off, her ticklish reaction was to jerk her knee straight up, successfully kneeling me right in the chin.. FML

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hahaItsthat1guy - 30/05/2016 02:56 - United States - Beech Grove

Today, I am so used to driving with my girlfriend in the car, I accidentally called my sister babe. FML

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Skywolf666 - 30/05/2016 02:56 - Canada - Tottenham

Today, after waking up from a rather frightening nightmare, I decided to spend the day at home, watching movies and winding myself down. This lasted till about ten pm, when a random stranger walked into my apartment by mistake and proceeded to give me the worst panic attack of my life. FML.

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Bibzy - 30/05/2016 02:31 - Canada - Milton

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a fancy restaurant. It was going all fine until we noticed that the waitress wrote her phone number on the bill, my girlfriend then curses her out for the next 30 minutes. Now we can never go back to that restaurant. FML

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carly_eb - 30/05/2016 01:53 - United States - Irving

Today, a living tree with no obvious abnormalities fell in my yard. Not only did it crush a fence, it also totaled two vehicles, knocked out the power to our house, and almost cause an electrical fire. We now have 4 animals boarded at the vet, and are out of town until tomorrow. FML.

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sp196o - 30/05/2016 00:13 - United States - Hazel Crest

Today, at work, a 36 year old man couldn't figure out how to use the coin star to cash in his change. He screamed for 10 minutes before I could get over there to help him. I showed him and started his coins for him. He repayed me by calling me a "fat asshole". I just love customer service. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML

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Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend after we went out for dinner. To my surprise, our families were also in the restaurant, to witness him propose to me. FML

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Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

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Today, my cleaner wished me a happy birthday. My family and friends forgot. FML

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Today, I met my boyfriend's whole family. Between them they had about 10 teeth. FML

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Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML

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