Your everyday life stories

Trippin - 26/05/2016 05:28 - United States - Houston

Today, I invited a guy who I was into to have sex. He came over and I had him following me upstairs. While trying to walk sexy up the stairs I missed a step and we both went down. After driving him to the hospital he texted," hope to see you once my fractured knee heals". FML

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SOSMasterJOJ - 26/05/2016 04:59 - United States - Bend

Today, as I was ordering drive-thru, I pretended to ask someone what they wanted so the workers wouldn't think I'd eat all the food myself. I only realized they'd see me and only me at the next window, FML.

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thanks - 26/05/2016 04:58 - United States - Dallas

Today, my dad and I watched Taken...after it was over he said "he wouldn't have gone through that much trouble if you were his daughter" FML.

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Hewrro - 26/05/2016 04:30 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I found a Queen Bee in my bedroom. When I tried opening the window, it got injured somehow. Now that I opened the window, dozens of bees started flying in. I was forced out of my room, window still open. They've usurped my own home. FML

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whyme7962 - 26/05/2016 04:22 - United States - Mesa

Today, as i was wrestling my girlfriend, i had told her I'd go really easy on her because i did not want to hurt her. she looked me in the eyes and said "big mistake" and proceeded to head butt me and give me a bloody nose. She now thinks she has total power over me. FML

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HeibsTwist - 26/05/2016 03:31 - United States - Richland

Today, I accidently sneezed into a fan and it came right back at me. FML

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laurencoc - 26/05/2016 03:19

Today, I dropped my boyfriend off at the airport as he is visiting his uncle in a different state for 5 weeks or more. I gave him a kiss and watched him board the plane through the window. Then realised I had given him my car keys to hold while I went to the bathroom. He still has them. FML.

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truth always comes out - 26/05/2016 03:02 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I found out that my husband has been lying to me about flirting and exchanging nudes with another woman. I found this out from her, and now she wants to be my best friend.. not gonna happen. FML

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Anonymous - 26/05/2016 03:02 - United States - Janesville

Today, eight graders were touring my high school to see what it looks like. One of the teachers yelled at me for not staying with the group. I'm a senior, FML

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why??? - 26/05/2016 02:39 - United States - Chicago

Today, my little sister told me she "got wet" when the guinea pig we were looking after licked her fingers. When I was doing laundry later that night, I realized she didn't mean wet as in "peed her pants wet". FML

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failureistheonlyoption - 26/05/2016 01:22 - United States - Clemmons

Today, I talked with my grandma about some bad grades. I'm still set to get my degree in December, but now my grandma wants me to take "a year or two" off to work full-time after my summer classes end. This is the same woman who said I'd never see a cent of her money if I took a gap year. FML.

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Jonny2Toes - 26/05/2016 01:03 - United States

Today, at work, my manager told me to bring the next car into the garage. As i was pulling around the corner I ran into another customer. I messed up my back and his car. He had just picked it up from the shop. Now I have to pay for it. And find a new job

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alekoi - 26/05/2016 00:47 - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I had to tell a two year old to keep her hands out of the cats butt. Immediately afterwards I had to tell her to keep her nasty hands out of my mouth, and off my face while I was carrying her to go wash her hands. She did not listen. FML

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ahemhellothere - 26/05/2016 00:20 - United States - Tulsa

Today, me and my friend were suppose to hang out today around 7pm. We planned it last night so it was last minute. She ended up canceling. Ok no big deal, until I was looking at her snapchat story and saw at 7:15 she was hanging out with my other friend. Guess she ditched me for my own friend. FML.

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lilianapalacios - 25/05/2016 23:06 - United States

Today, in precalc class the kid behind me farted and everyone turned around. We all laughed at the sound. It was only until after class that my friend told me "that was funny". I asked her what she was talking about and she responded "You farted. That's what everyone was laughing about!". FML

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up for adoption - 25/05/2016 20:56 - United States - Eagle River

Today, my family of five went on a trip to Barcelona. There was just one problem though. They forgot me. FML

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strawbsohsix - 25/05/2016 20:43 - Romania - Cluj-napoca

Today, me and my roommate where awoken by loud knocks, at 5AM. Who was it? Our other roommate, drunk as a fiddler, on his ass, without a shirt, keys in hand and a dumbfounded look on his face. FML

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Anonymous - 25/05/2016 20:36 - United States - San Ramon

Today, I sat in the doctor's office for 2 hours before anyone bothered to tell me that my appointment was cancelled. FML

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DropDeadAnarchy - 25/05/2016 20:29 - United States - Washington

Today, I was sitting on the bleachers at school in the shade alone. I saw two girls approaching me and assumed that they wanted to be nice. I started to say hi, only to be cut off by them explaining that they only came over for the shade. They only spoke to me when they needed to know the time. FML

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Ashley_the_Great - 25/05/2016 19:48 - United States - Dallas

Today, as I was walking to my car to go home from school, a bus parked right behind me. I couldn't pull foreward nor could I back up without hitting something. When i asked the bus driver to move or help me back up, she looked at me like i was speaking Klingon. FML

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HellsChampion - 25/05/2016 19:17 - Canada - Burlington

Today I found out that my mom who died 3 weeks ago left nothing to me in her will, and the security guards at her funeral didn't think I was her son and didn't let me in. FML

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Anonymous - 25/05/2016 17:55 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I was talking to a girl on tinder. She wanted me to snapchat her a picutre of my face because it was too hard for her not knowing what I look like. I sent the picture saw she opened it then sent me a text not even 5 minutes after saying she has a boyfriend. FML

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PioneeringSpace - 25/05/2016 17:40 - United States - Franklin

Today my puppy chewed the lattice off our porch and tangled his line around the posts underneath. Never mind he had ten toys and treat stuffed things so he wouldn't be *that* bored for 20 minutes. I had to belly crawl through the dirt and drag his 50 lb. butt out while he bit me all the way. FML

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Ashd09 - 25/05/2016 16:15 - United States - Dalton

Today, my boyfriend said to me "If body hair on a woman was natural society wouldn't find it so repulsive." FML

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justdoit - 25/05/2016 16:08 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I have had such a lack of motivation that I had to consider brushing my teeth as a personal victory. FML

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Theater_Chef_3 - 25/05/2016 15:18 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I came home from camp to find all of my stuffed animals, including the bear my girlfriend gave me before she passed away, gone. My aunt stole them for her kids and refuses to give them back. FML

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WhatDidIDo - 25/05/2016 14:51 - United States - Gresham

Today, my best friend told me she didn't want to be seen with me in public. FML

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IttyBittyTitty - 25/05/2016 14:44 - United States - Pinckney

Today, I realized my athletic boyfriend has bigger breasts than I do. FML

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Khalo - 25/05/2016 13:29 - Germany

Today, as I was giving a speech in front of the whole school I overheard some of my teachers arguing in the back. They were trying to fix the microphone which wasn't working. I was giving an emotional speech for 20 minutes before I realised it. FML

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Dnamei - 25/05/2016 09:31 - Belgium - Zemst

Today, for the first time since giving birth, I went to ride my bike. Giving birth has apparantly changed my body in some unexpected ways. Long story short: I've severely bruised my vagina by riding a bike. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

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Today, I went into a shop, not really completely awake. To get to the upper floor, I took the escalator... in the wrong direction. After about 30 seconds (which seemed like hours) trying to climb up the wrong way, my brain started working and by that time I already had a few amused spectators watching me. FML

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Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML

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Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

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Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

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Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML

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