Your everyday life stories

CanYouKeepUp - 07/06/2016 13:49 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I somehow managed to ejaculated during foreplay with my wife after being away from home for a month. I can't do round two. FML

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Anonymous - 07/06/2016 13:42 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, my friends decided to grab my phone and lock themselves in my room. They come back out an hour later. And my phone was factory reset. Turns out if you enter the wrong password 10 times it resets the phone. Everything was gone, including my resume I was editing on my phone. FML

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NoseToNose - 07/06/2016 13:35 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I discovered that a colleague has a crush on me and is excited each time she sees me. This is the second colleague to have a crush on me. The one element that both colleagues share is severe mental handicap. FML.

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StressedMonkey - 07/06/2016 13:16 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I was planning to take it easy with workout, coffee, good food and a couple movies. When suddenly my girlfriend calls me and says her family of father, aunt and grandma is coming for a stay-over visit. Straight without any notice in advance. Now I'm stuck getting the place presentable. FML.

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mille - 07/06/2016 11:06 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 3 years told me he wants to continue our physical relationship, even though he hasn't been in love with me for months, because it's 'cozy'. He also told me about his crush on another girl. FML

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h8love - 07/06/2016 08:22 - United States - Aptos

Today, I went out with the girl of my dreams that I've been seeing for awhile. I told her that I had a major crush on her and to my surprise, she felt the same. Later we met up with her friends. One of which was her ex. She then made out with him pretty much the whole day right in front of me. FML

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BrainFart - 07/06/2016 06:39 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I got the job of my dreams. Too bad in my over excitement I forget to ask if they meant come in at 6AM or 6PM. I'm too embarrassed to call back and clarify. FML

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tracy4191 - 07/06/2016 05:43 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my manager decided she didn't want to work today. While she sat on her ass, I helped single-handedly rang up every customer who walked in. I had $1200 in my till at the end of the day. She had $200. FML

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EarlyBankrobber - 07/06/2016 05:40 - Denmark

Today, my son got sent home from school. Why? His school was turned into an entire city with fake money, and he robbed the bank. FML

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Weyoun - 07/06/2016 03:17 - Australia - Petrie

Today, I was fitting a child's foot as part of my job as a shoe fitter. I had to endure the mother using me and my implied authority/anger to discipline her child, as well as repeatedly having to avoid being kicked in the mouth by her son who found it hysterical. She didn't try stop that part. FML

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embarrassed - 07/06/2016 02:32 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my husband went to check on our 8yo son to make sure he was in bed. He wasn't. He'd gone into our bedroom, found our handcuffs and put them on and sat there panicking for a half hour because he couldn't get them off.

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Anonymoose - 07/06/2016 01:44 - United States - Columbus

Today, I got on Skype to send a message to my support group for my depression. Mobile Skype doesn't work sometimes, and it showed that nobody was responding to me, so I got on my computer to check. Turns out they're all just ignoring me, and talking to each other behind my back. FML

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wellthishasbeenfun - 07/06/2016 00:33 - Australia - Campbelltown

Today, I had to tell my best friend that her boyfriend tried to hook up with me. Now she says she doesn't know who to believe because he's denying the whole thing. FML.

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Allymeehan - 06/06/2016 21:40

Today, I sat down by a tree to read. My friend pointed out that there were a bunch of ants on the tree. I got up, but not before a bunch of mulch could lodge itself in my asscheek and make it itch and sting like hell. FML

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jake_df - 06/06/2016 21:31 - United States

Today, I had left my phone on top my car by accident it had fallen off when I drove away to my friend quickly pointed out it was missing we turned around to find it and called it , to a man answered "hello is this your phone damn that sucks" then immediately hung up and wouldn't answer back. FML

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ItsGoneForever - 06/06/2016 21:30 - Netherlands

Today, I participated in a running competition. After finishing, I feit great about myself as I recorded one of my fastest times ever. Turned out I finished 94th out of 97 participants. FML

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catimakittycat - 06/06/2016 21:28 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, over dinner, my husband told our neighbours that our baby's food was puréed with my breastmilk. The neighbour he was talking to looked as awkward as I felt. My husband then called me a soup kitchen. FML

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Working with a psycho - 06/06/2016 21:20 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, even though I and my colleague complained, my boss sees no problem with the new guy. The new guy that admitted to us that he lost his old job when he ran after his old boss with a kitchen knife because he had written him up. I now have to work alone with this guy. Fml.

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potatocouch - 06/06/2016 21:03 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was admiring the beautiful view from my window. Just as the sun was setting, my little brother thought it was a good idea to smash my head into the window. There is now a large crack in the window, and I have to get stitches. FML

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Iron11 - 06/06/2016 20:33 - United States - Barre

Today, during a business trip, I wanted to take a ride on my bike. I left it outside a restaurant to get a coffee. I realized that I forgot my wallet in my briefcase by my bike. When I went to get it, it was gone. As I looked up, I saw the smug guy who stole it riding off with my briefcase.FML

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james_logan - 06/06/2016 20:19 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after getting quite attached to a lot of new television series and their characters, I find out that they're all cancelled. FML

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fabulousfiasco - 06/06/2016 16:39 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I went online to order more hardwood flooring so we can finish the last couple rooms of our house. The flooring is discontinued and we have two more rooms to go. FML

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Anon the Mouse - 06/06/2016 14:04 - United States - Midlothian

Today, my friends planned an intervention. Not for anything "bad" like smoking, drugs, or sex. They planned an intervention because I'm addicted to a cartoon. They won't let me watch it and that is my only enjoyment out of the whole day. FML

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brcolbert - 06/06/2016 06:56 - United States - Troy

Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He was arresting him for public urination on a police vehicle. Dinner with him with be fun tomorrow. FML.

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catmom - 06/06/2016 05:15 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I hung my purse on the thing they have at work to hang your belongings for the first time. I come back and find $200 has been stolen from my wallet.FML

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anon - 06/06/2016 04:47 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, as my wife was giving me a blow job, my 2 year old daughter came out from underneath the bed and said, "I didn't know you could sing daddy!" FML

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kamryno - 06/06/2016 04:29 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today I went to my first funeral. I was already nervous about how I would handle it but nothing could have prepared me for the uncontrollable laughing fit I had upon getting out of the car. Sorry Grandpa. FML

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birthday boi - 06/06/2016 03:20 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, the wind blew the blind back and showed me jacking off to everyone at my neighbor's party next door. They thought I did it intentionally and called the cops. FML

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ThatGuy - 06/06/2016 03:12 - United States

Today, I woke up late. I was so horny and strapped for time, I jerked off and shaved at the same time. FML

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Krovels - 06/06/2016 02:48 - United States - Metuchen

Today, I took what I thought was rice out of my refrigerator. I heated it up and put sauce on it only to find out it was shredded cheese. I'm lactose intolerant. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

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Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

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Today, I told my parents about my life problems, after they forced me to open up. Now they want to send me to a psychiatrist. Don't trust anyone. FML

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Today, I was in class and I smelled what I thought was month-old trash coming from a student in front of me. I politely ignored the smell, only to realize a few hours later that the persistent smell wasn't coming from every student in my university, but was from my shoes. FML

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Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML

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Today, like everyday, I got on the train heading back from my university campus in Preston. Usually, it takes 20 minutes. When I sat down, I realised it was a non-stop service to Glasgow and the doors had closed. It took me 7 hours by train and a lift from my best friend at 2 a.m. to get home. FML

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