Your everyday life stories

Anonymous - 08/06/2016 12:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out my fiance's cousin's wife is trying to do everything in her power to sabotage my wedding. She thinks we are trying to steal the attention away from her because we are getting married in the same year. FML

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Jay - 08/06/2016 12:09 - Denmark

Today, ten minutes before I was off work, I decided to sit in the sun and watch the kids play. Then one of the girls come over to, unhappy to announce that she stepped in a poop in bush and her shoes were covered. It was the poop from another child. Took more than ten minutes to clean up. FML

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Seriously - 08/06/2016 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up at 7:30am, only running on about 3 hours of sleep, ready for job interview I had 3 hours away. As I'm about 5 minutes from the building I get a text saying "Sorry we can't interview you today." I fell asleep 7 times on the way home. FML

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ihave2degreesandasquatbooty - 08/06/2016 07:35 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he has met a really awesome girl he is "super into". When I asked him what she has going for her, he told me, "Nothing much. She isn't as attractive as you, isn't as educated as you, doesn't work a very good job or is as funny as you. She's simple and easy." FML

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souljaboi - 08/06/2016 07:34 - Canada - Delta

Today, on my way downtown, I received a phone call while driving. It was from my mom. She had gotten into a car accident. I wasnt home and could not come to help. Later I receive a call from her friend that my mom was in handcuffs by the police because they found her with a bag of weed. FML

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Dan not the Man - 08/06/2016 07:14 - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out that I'm unable to get my dream job because I'm not a U.S. Citizen. I studied four years for it. FML.

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Theblasus - 08/06/2016 06:43 - United States - Rockford

Today, I was driving as it began to pour rain. At least now I know I need to fix my power windows. FML

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Tessa - 08/06/2016 06:05 - Mongolia - Ulaanbaatar

Today, my husband said he got me a gift from overseas. I was expecting an apple watch but instead it was an state-of-the-art electronic dildo. FML

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Undead - 08/06/2016 04:35 - United States - Edison

Today, I was talking about how excited I was about going to warped tour with my friends when my mom overheard my conversation. She looked up one of the bands performing and canceled my tickets because she doesn't want me to listen to the "devil's music." FML

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Slendah - 08/06/2016 04:19 - United States - Newark

Today my husband finally got a repairman to correctly fix our roof which had been leaking for ten years. Afterwards, it poured down rain, our sump pump shorted out, and our basement became an indoor wading pool. FML

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Fed Up Single Mom - 08/06/2016 04:19 - United States - Hartwell

Today, my mother yelled at me because I won't apply for a $5000 loan to get my brother out of jail for non-payment of child support. The irony is that I have been a single parent for 12 years and have never received a penny of child support from my son's father...and I'm being selfish! FML

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adventurous - 08/06/2016 04:13 - United States - Port Chester

Today, after my boyfriend decided to break things off because our relationship was "too hard for him to handle", he then went to one of my best friends, confessed his feelings for her and asked her to hookup to "channel his left over emotions for me". FML

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Brenduh - 08/06/2016 04:09 - United States - Angleton

Today I spent two and a half hours walking my neighborhood, crying and asking people if they had seen my dachshund Ginger. One lady even got in her car to go look for her and asked a cop to look also. When I got home, my husband looked at me funny and said "Ginger's upstairs." FML

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Wat_da_fuq - 07/06/2016 22:55 - United States - Port Orchard

Today I made a cake for my future mother-in-law's birthday. Turns out, she's allergic to literally everything I put in it. FML.

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CyberPsycho - 07/06/2016 20:32 - United States - Nashville

Today, I decided to take my son to see a movie. During the movie, a woman's baby started crying, distracting everyone from the movie. Since the baby wouldn't stop, I kindly asked her to take her baby out of the theater. She started yelling at me louder than her baby for being "inconsiderate." FML

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xxghostxx98789 - 07/06/2016 20:31 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, after a long day at work I came home to find that my grandma accidentally locked me out of my own room which would've been fine except my keys had recently fallen off my key chain. I ended up having to use a ladder to climb through my second story window. FML

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mh_2323 - 07/06/2016 17:11 - United States - Troutville

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year informed me he was bisexual. I was fine with this, until roughly 2 hours later he said he was actually gay and broke up with me. FML

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swearingoffseafood - 07/06/2016 16:51 - United States - Hamburg

Today, I got accepted into the school of my dreams. I also got food poisoning from my celebratory dinner. FML.

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Crap - 07/06/2016 16:45 - United States - Atlanta

Today, after weeks of using Tinder, I matched with the girl of my dreams. Not even 24 hours later, my mother found out I use Tinder and made me delete my account. I can't find her and probably never will. FML

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pukemuch - 07/06/2016 16:40 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was giving my husband a blowjob and he really got into it so much so that I ended up puking all over my face, clothes, the wall, and our bed. He got out of the way just in time but I think our sex life is over for good. FML

323

OMFML - 07/06/2016 16:19 - United States - Seattle

Today, I just helped my best friend, who I'm secretly gay for, get back together with his old girlfriend, I'm currently at home crying and watching Netflix, FML

338

fairskinned - 07/06/2016 16:16

Today, while spending a few months in Nigeria for work, I learned that the locals do not know what freckles are when one of them pointed at my face and asked if I had many mosquito bites. She then proceeded to touch my face to check. FML

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drkate25 - 07/06/2016 15:53 - United States - Enfield

Today, I caught my 2 year old cat on the kitchen counter (where she's not allowed) staring intently at the candle I had lit. When I yelled at her to get down, she looked at me like she was going to set the house on fire and kill us all. I'm afraid to sleep now. FML

274

Dumbfounded - 07/06/2016 15:43 - United States

Today, I offered to buy a co-worker who had been hitting on me for a while a drink from Starbucks telling him i had a coupon 2 for 1 since we were both on our way to break we should grab a drink together. He didn't understand and said "ya I'll take 2 carmel fraps" the boy is socially oblivious. FML

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Aquaskyy - 07/06/2016 15:21 - United States - Plattsburgh

Today, I had to go to the store. I grabbed the first pair of shorts from the dryer I could find, threw them on and took off. As I shopped, people were pointing and laughing. Turns out I had panties stuck to my rear. They were my mother in laws. Fml!

260

em2016 - 07/06/2016 14:48 - Ireland - Galway

Today, my son had karate practise he told me he was sparring for the first time so i went down to support him.. he got his ass kicked by a 12 year old girl.. my sons is nearly 19. FML

168

can't sleep - 07/06/2016 14:25 - United States - Chicago

Today, it has come to a point where if I don't lock my door at night, my mom will stand in my doorway and watch me sleep at 7:30 in the morning. Almost every day it wakes me up. And she doesn't even go to work till 10. FML

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gingerlover01 - 07/06/2016 14:23 - United States

Today, I had to face the very real fear of stepping in to a tub full of spiders while naked. FML

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ticktockticktock - 07/06/2016 14:18 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I realized how much I needed to socialize more with real human beings when I started to blubber, cry and apologize to the strands of hair I accidentally cut off my head. FML

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argnog - 07/06/2016 14:04 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I decided to tell my family I was gay. Their response? Throwing every single one of my belongings out the window. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my little sister used scissors she got from school to cut my hair in the middle of the night while I was asleep. Now it looks like someone went at my hair with a chainsaw, and my school's dress code doesn't allow me to wear a hat or anything else to cover it up. FML

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Today, I realized the closest thing I have to guys hitting on me are the ones who ask to be my friend on Call of Duty because I have the word "girl" in my name. FML

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Today, I told my family that I'm on probation at work. I help my family out financially, working in a field that they pressured me to pursue. Because they are aggressive, they asked if it was because I fought with someone at work. I told them it was because my boss says I'm too soft. Their response? "He's right." FML

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Today, our 9 year-old son managed to shoot himself in the gut with my nail gun. According to my wife, this is completely my fault, because I ONLY kept it in my locked garage, ONLY secured in its box, ONLY completely disconnected from the power, ONLY on the highest shelf near the roof. FML

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Today, I spent the first day of my senior year in the ER because my new ear piercing got so infected that the doctors had to cut the earring out. FML

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Today, it's my 6-year anniversary with my fiance, but due to a lot of different family issues, I had to drive 9 hours with my dad to go visit them. Long story short, there was a giant argument about bread, my dad stormed out and I'm left to deal with this shit storm. FML

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