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Just to clear the air: 1.I'm not a ****, obviously, since I didn't sleep with the creep 2.I did not know about the girl 3.Sort of dating means: going on dates, kissing, holding hands, but not boyfriend/girlfriend (aka that weird stage when your facebook relationship status goes blank or to it's complicated) 4.Trust me, I ran very fast, and there were no obvious warning signs 5.Thanks for reading.

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 17:43 - India

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 410

You deserved it 5 082

By T-Shain - 31/05/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which point I learned that he was an attorney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 407

You deserved it 8 539

By amanderpthepanda - 03/07/2013 17:21 - United States - Redmond

Today, I woke up at my cousin's house after staying the night. I went into the bathroom like I usually do and shut the door. Apparently the door lock on this bathroom doesn't function properly. I discovered this when my 4-year-old cousin walked in on me putting a tampon in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 404

You deserved it 4 224

amanderpthepanda tells us more.

amanderpthepanda 19

Thursday 4 July 2013 8:25

I created this account to respond to some of your comments.. My cousin is a boy, and it was a very awkward explanation. I just told him that it's a girl thing and that he'll learn about it when he's older. I don't think it affected him that much. Also, #7, I enjoyed your comment the most.

By pantydropper - 17/04/2013 19:01 - United States

Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 400

You deserved it 10 690

By WaltTheFuckDad - 01/09/2013 23:06 - United States - Salida

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 400

You deserved it 3 610

Classic stereotype?

By Anonymous - 25/04/2013 20:36 - United States - Montgomery Village

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because, "He's Canadian" and according to her, "They don't lie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 393

You deserved it 5 409

Kinda weird

By god - 29/04/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Livingston

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 390

You deserved it 5 580

By Anonymous - 09/11/2013 01:46 - United States - Blythe

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 382

You deserved it 2 661

By v1k1rox - 05/03/2014 21:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a woman attempted to pickpocket me while trying to educate me about God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 379

You deserved it 4 308

v1k1rox tells us more.

v1k1rox 12

Thursday 6 March 2014 15:52

This is the second time someone tried to rob me well living in NYC you know things like that happen. I didn't notice until after she pushed me that something was fishy. She tried to go into my bag first then into my pocket when she discovered there was nothing in my bag. She failed, I wish she didn't run away so I can get her arrested.

By ditched?? - 06/08/2010 09:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving around town in his car. To my surprise he took me out to lunch. As we were leaving, a girl walks up and asks if he had room for one more for a ride, sadly he only has two seats in his car. Guess who had to walk! FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 378

You deserved it 5 722

Do it then

By Anonymous - 14/08/2009 01:59 - United States

Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a customer spilled her drink all over the counter. After I cleaned up her spill and remade the drink (for free), she exclaimed, "Thanks! I should really tip you!" Then she turned around, walked directly past the tip jar, and left the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 377

You deserved it 3 509

By ouch - 24/07/2013 18:03 - United States - Sterling

Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 376

You deserved it 3 352

By GrippedMyBalls - 15/07/2009 13:21 - Korea Republic of

Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 372

You deserved it 9 044

By sammieshortcake - 14/09/2013 15:30 - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show, when he took my face in his hands and sweetly whispered, "You're so pretty. Why must you ruin it with words?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 369

You deserved it 8 270

sammieshortcake tells us more.

sammieshortcake 15

Saturday 14 September 2013 23:05

He was actually joking when he said it. I just thought it was funny because of the way he said it like he was being all romantic, so I submitted it. So stoked it got published! And to the person who said yeah "our" favorite show-it was Game of Thrones, which is both of our favorite shows. lol