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So frustrating!

By Justawoman - 04/06/2014 15:52 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 620

You deserved it 8 651

By A-64 - 08/05/2012 20:48 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 436

You deserved it 5 233

By thoughtcrimeno1 - 06/07/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I helped an elderly lady unscrew the cooling tank's cap from her smoking car. My reward? A scalding shower of toxic, pungent antifreeze that erupted moments after removing said cap. She didn't even thank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 873

You deserved it 18 853

By Anonymous - 08/09/2010 11:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 758

You deserved it 3 246

By Anonymous - 07/08/2019 22:00

Today, after I'd remembered to start writing a list of my PTSD symptoms for my shrink, because I'm extremely forgetful, it finally took me three days to remember to write down forgetfulness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 245

The pits

By speedstick - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received an anonymous letter telling me that I smell bad, and suggesting that I wear more deodorant. Apparently my BO is so bad that someone feels the need to stalk me to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 150

You deserved it 34 930

By wastedbaby - 04/07/2011 02:02 - United States

Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 759

You deserved it 3 770

By Lewis - 04/09/2010 11:02 - Australia

Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 272

You deserved it 34 539

By Birthday Surprise - 26/05/2014 21:18 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my parents thought it would be a great surprise to accidentally shoot me in the leg for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 671

You deserved it 5 000

By MyLifeSucks - 15/04/2013 22:11 - United States - Houston

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 029

You deserved it 2 818

Unethical

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I decided to take a personal day from class and e-mailed all of my professors saying I had flu symptoms. While standing in line at Starbucks later, someone behind me said, "Glad you're feeling better. Hope you can attend class tomorrow, we'll discuss lying." It was my Ethics professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 870

You deserved it 59 649

Fantasy research

By tillyg15 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Droitwich

Today, I had to ring up our local competitors to get prices for paint. I pretended I'd just bought a house and was doing it up, and I actually got excited about doing up a make-believe house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 769

You deserved it 5 055

By ashlan - 23/05/2014 00:54 - United States

Today, a customer left a Starbucks card in the tip jar at work. It was empty. I work at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 338

You deserved it 4 387

ashlan tells us more.

ashlan 13

Friday 23 May 2014 17:30

Yes we get tips. It adds an extra few dollars an hour. Why wouldn't we get tips? We provide a service.

Educate me, Mommy

By Anna - 06/04/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 593

You deserved it 64 768

Eat Y'self Fitter

By Shnur - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 years-old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother with shocked look and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 289

You deserved it 21 490

By NickJJ - 16/05/2014 02:34 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 523

You deserved it 18 457

By Ndanick1193 - 17/10/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I found out that if you let your son install a new shower head, he won't tighten it properly. So when you turn the shower on, it will shoot out at rocket speed, hitting you in the face. Then when you grab the shower handle to prevent yourself falling backwards, you will just rip that out and hit your head again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 337

You deserved it 5 329

Wedge issues

By What the fuck - 03/10/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I learned that there are people who actually, unironically believe that Danny Masterson is innocent. Faith in humanity: Gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 264

Looking good

By ShutTheFuCupcake - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 789

You deserved it 71 718

By dentistvictim - 16/10/2009 07:27 - Norway

Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 797

You deserved it 2 732

Nice meeting you…

By str3tch - 03/04/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. In order to make a good impression, I was as polite as possible, and tried to be as engaging as I could. Near the end of dinner, my girlfriend's mom says, "I liked your old boyfriend better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 941

You deserved it 3 403

By ohgodwhy - 06/04/2013 14:15 - Canada - Elliot Lake

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward enough, they started making out on the couch behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 431

You deserved it 5 717

By happyeffingbday202 - 02/04/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 086

You deserved it 5 303

Red flag

By safety first - 08/10/2023 22:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that having my own condoms is unattractive, emasculating, and a turn off. According to him it's the man’s responsibility to provide the protection, and the fact that I have my own means I must have been very promiscuous if I needed to have them on hand. I’m allergic to the pill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 191

Get the message

By thelandofoz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said, "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 284

You deserved it 7 787

By sorry dawg - 29/08/2019 20:00

Today, my coworker had been distraught over not being able to keep his dog after his divorce, so trying to be sweet, I'd ordered a specially-made stuffy that looked like it. I put it on his desk with a note and cookies. He thought I was mocking him and threw the plate at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 365

By wmkaz - 21/04/2012 06:15 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 206

You deserved it 5 045

By shyshy96679 - 20/06/2011 22:42 - United States

Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 134

You deserved it 3 892

Location location location

By Anonymous - 13/10/2009 16:00 - United States

Today, I finished moving to my new apartment, which is 45 minutes away from my old one, because my workplace would be closer. I then got a phone call from my boss, telling me that he's transferring me to another location, which is closer to my old apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 989

You deserved it 2 418

By catfriend - 06/05/2014 05:42 - United States - Salida

Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 023

You deserved it 4 849

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The Top

Today, I was legitimately sick so I called in to work. Apparently, 4 other guys on my line called in too. My boss thought we planned it. Now we're all written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 977

You deserved it 1 570

Today, not only do I work as a garbage man, but I had to pick up a used, bloody tampon that someone decided to throw on the ground rather than in a garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 640

You deserved it 5 073

Today, as it's been a long time since I've been with a woman, I decided to enlist the services of an escort. Upon my arrival, she looked at me and said, "Honey, we are going to need a bottle of whiskey and an extra $100." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 820

You deserved it 1 325

Today, I fainted in the bathtub. My family broke the door to save me, which is great, but they all saw me naked, which is not so great. My siblings laughed at the size of my penis, my father laughed at the situation, and my mom just cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 314

You deserved it 413

Today, after my boyfriend had been away for months, I invited him over to have sex. He said he hurt his back too badly to do anything. Don't worry though, it doesn't hurt enough to stop him from working on his truck for several hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 245

You deserved it 600

Today, after suffering with anxiety and insomnia for a nearly a year and exhausting every natural remedy I could think of, I finally went to go to a doctor for help. Instead of writing me a prescription, he told me to drink more tea and think happy thoughts. I had to pay out of pocket for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 100

You deserved it 249