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By Anonymous - 03/03/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, my parents told me that due to my lacking height and weight, I legally have to sit in a booster seat in the car from now on. I'm nineteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 074

You deserved it 5 457

You shitgibbon!

By Turkeyfryboy - 24/11/2022 12:00

Today, I learned to never put a just-bought-about-an-hour-ago-from-the-grocery-store frozen solid turkey in the turkey frying pot. My job’s banquet hall was burnt to a crisp and the fire department came. The Thanksgiving potluck was ruined. Oh, and I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 1 626

By aerythia - 08/12/2012 16:12 - United States - Nashville

Today, it's my birthday and my ex husband texted me at midnight to tell happy birthday. Too bad he couldn't have texted my new husband to remind him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 697

You deserved it 5 529

By MoncaBang - 29/01/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 703

You deserved it 3 460

Cones

By Blinkin - 08/09/2021 02:00

Today, I recently woke up colourblind and so far no doctor or surgeon can tell me why. I'm a graphic designer, I went to university and put years of practise into this specific skill set, I need to see in colour or this could cost me my job and ruin my career prospects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 82

By 43_clothespins_later - 21/11/2013 00:12 - United States - Richmond

Today, I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes, shoes, and hair in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 699

You deserved it 7 923

By shamefaced - 07/12/2012 03:11 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I dropped my handbag into a water-filled gutter. As I was hurriedly fishing out the contents of my bag, I looked up. There was my ex, with the girl he left me for walking past, timed exactly to coincide with me manically scooping up one of many rapidly absorbing tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 586

You deserved it 2 269

By aaa - 01/03/2011 15:00

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 890

You deserved it 5 786

Sorry dear

By Empi - 29/11/2022 10:00

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night with a numb arm. When I tried to reposition it, it flew crazily and slapped my girlfriend in the face. My girlfriend, who was in a string of abusive relationships, and has severe PTSD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 175

By thankzbabe - 04/01/2012 12:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 260

You deserved it 5 584

This is rage bait, surely?

By Sorry not sorry - 13/04/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I found an old Bible in a box of my boyfriend's stuff. I despise religion, so I threw it away. He freaked out when he found out, screaming that it was a "family heirloom". I don't care if vile, hateful trash is an heirloom or not, I'm going to get rid of it. Deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 2 510

Nice try

By sweet2u22 - 27/02/2011 02:30 - United States

Today, I told the guy I like to listen to a song that expressed how I felt about him. When he was done, I asked what he thought about it. He said it made him realize that his ex was the love of his life and that he wants to go back to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 043

You deserved it 7 553

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 240

You deserved it 45 505

It's sus to us

By inder - 25/02/2011 16:03 - United Kingdom

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 903

You deserved it 4 763

By Danana - 26/01/2009 21:08 - Canada

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting tried to hard boil eggs using the microwave. You cannot hard boil eggs using the microwave. It makes a mess. This we have learned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 592

You deserved it 22 877

By Anonymous - 25/01/2009 12:36 - France

Today, a ball rolled up to me, so I picked it up and threw it over the school wall. A little boy who was behind me asked for his ball back. It's Sunday and the school is closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 347

You deserved it 37 217

Stranded

By digressions - 29/12/2011 19:01 - Canada

Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 562

You deserved it 3 949

Support system

By lynn - 17/02/2010 06:30 - United States

Today, I found out my cousin - who suffers from bipolar disorder - shot herself in the chest and has only a 20 percent chance of living. I told my boyfriend, while crying, and he held me for a few minutes. As soon as I got quiet, he pulled out his iPhone and started playing a shooter game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 324

You deserved it 4 463

By maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 931

You deserved it 5 000

By fmlpgh - 16/02/2010 11:51 - United States

Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 593

You deserved it 2 720

By lobstercola - 24/11/2012 16:35 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 078

You deserved it 2 614

By Broke Mama - 24/12/2011 14:38 - United States

Today, with the cost of craft supplies that ended in a DIY fail, then a costume and overnight shipping, I have now spent $90 to obtain a $10 hat and vest for my daughter to play a cow in the school Christmas play. She will say "Moo" three times with 5 other cows before leaving the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 760

You deserved it 8 003

Surprise strike

By Anonymous - 28/06/2020 20:02

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 201

Still not calling it X

By twitterfailsme - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Israel - Rishon Le Zion

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 536

You deserved it 3 686

By disneyworld - 14/02/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, my dad told me he's taking the whole family to Disney World, even my step-brother's girlfriend. But not me, because he can't "afford" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 006

You deserved it 2 458

By f'ed_over - 19/01/2009 11:12 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom tried to bribe him with an iPhone to dump me. He accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 407

You deserved it 2 477

By sninapeters - 22/12/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, I realized that I've been intentionally causing arguments with my husband because the spare bed is more comfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 476

You deserved it 37 074

That went well

By vargasm - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on decided she wanted to see a movie with me. I tried to hold her hand during the movie and it was great for about four minutes. Then she said, "Can I have my hand back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 399

You deserved it 3 773

Getting on

By Anonymous - 23/06/2020 17:01

Today, I’m at the stage of my life where a normal bowel movement is practically a cause for celebration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 161

Never again

By notAMrs - 20/11/2012 17:22 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, I called off my engagement, after finding out my fiancé is cheating on me. I recently started a new job, and in anticipation of getting married, I asked that my username include his surname. They can't be changed, so now I get to log in every day under that sorry bastard's surname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 105

You deserved it 9 225

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The Top

Today, I realized that when my dad said he would pay for my college, he really meant that he was going to forge my signature on a student loan in my name and not make payments on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 434

You deserved it 3 612

Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 105

You deserved it 79 080

Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 289

Today, my mom is trying to be quiet, thinking me asleep. This means she will whisper to the dogs in the upstairs hallway, then quietly go downstairs where she will bang the doors so hard that the house shakes. Apparently, she thinks each floor is in its own separate dimension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 121

Today, I went to a political debate, and now I'm more confused than when I arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 262

Today, my girlfriend’s friend decided she wanted to tell her that I was flirting with other girls, just so we would break up. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 125