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Complicated

By mylifeissad - 30/12/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 283

You deserved it 37 972

Shovel to the head

By Raw - 25/01/2017 14:00

Today, I shoveled snow at work. I had to because my co-workers refused to "get sick." I told my co-workers if anyone needs me, just tell them I'm shoveling snow. Our boss asked for me and they said that I left without punching. This also happened when I went out to water the flowers in the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 310

You deserved it 397

Fun fun fun

By Rachel - 27/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, I spent my entire day building various zoos in Zoo Tycoon, and then releasing all of the animals to see them chase people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 838

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 00:00

Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer, saying they were having trouble getting a hold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to a place, and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 705

You deserved it 491

Debt

By Anonymous - 25/01/2022 05:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after weeks of asking, I was finally given my debit card back from my parents. They’ve spent over $1000 and now I’m scared to know how much I have left. There was no mention of a reimbursement either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 187

Strung out

By bdjsbskl - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 139

You deserved it 2 415

By TBTC - 31/08/2012 07:16 - France - Le G?vre

Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 58

Teenagers in love

By Anonymous - 09/11/2014 18:23

Spicy

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said, "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 648

You deserved it 5 538

By katybaby - 09/12/2010 17:15 - United States

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 403

You deserved it 11 716

Caught in 404p

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 16:00 - Taiwan - Taichung

Today, I had a job interview at Walmart. They showed a video of me stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 2 038

Fight Club

By x_o - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Hungary - Öttevény

Today, it was my first day at my new job. I had to break up two fistfights, then leave work early with a black eye. This is not what I had in mind when I applied to work at a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 982

You deserved it 3 949

Oh the humanity

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while driving home with my boyfriend, we started discussing how clean our driving records were. I was boasting about how I'd never been in an accident when I hit a moose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 105

You deserved it 34 813

By master6 - 21/12/2018 04:00

Today, I was pulling in to my work parking lot gate, accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brake pedal, ran through the gate arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 1 316

By Emmy - 02/10/2011 06:36 - United States

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 405

You deserved it 3 368

Charming

By lagirl - 09/06/2009 05:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 496

You deserved it 70 420

Who?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I woke up to an angry text from my roommate, asking me to please let her know next time I'm going to have a friend crashing on the couch. I have no idea who she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 670

You deserved it 1 814

By FreakinthePink - 06/12/2010 07:20

Spicy

Today, I walked into my room to find my roommate's boyfriend trying on one of my pink, lacy bras. My roommate then yelled at me for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 298

You deserved it 3 062

Strategic

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 13:50 - South Africa

Today, I went to a huge party. My ex boyfriend was there who I still have feelings for, so I decided to make him jealous by making out with the really drunk guy next to me. While we were making out, he threw up in my mouth and all over me. Everybody found it hysterical including my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 774

You deserved it 95 466

By Anonymous - 28/09/2011 15:53 - United States

Today, campus security called me to let me know a lawnmower crashed into my car. Apparently the guy mowing the lawn lost control. My car wasn't parked by any grass. I need a new bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 881

You deserved it 2 186

Ethics in medecine

By Savannah - 07/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said, "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 887

You deserved it 604

By jenA - 21/08/2012 13:04 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 879

You deserved it 3 003

Remember?

By Baby_girl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my best friend whom I have been in love with for years, called me, proposed, and confessed his love for me. He was at a noisy bar so I asked him to call me back later and we'd discuss it. He called back later, hungover, with no recollection of our conversation whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 720

You deserved it 5 379

By wow - 30/10/2014 22:05 - United States - Turlock

Today, my mom spelled my name with all lowercase letters. When I asked her why she wrote it like that, she got pissed and snapped back, "Capitals are for people who amount to something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 621

You deserved it 3 791

Unwelcome addition

By Anonymous - 26/07/2013 07:06 - United States - Warren

Today, my mother and I were discussing how we couldn't believe it's been nearly a year since my dad died. Not paying attention, my husband absentmindedly added, "Time flies when you're having fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 907

You deserved it 3 648

Chuds out on the town

By GeeThanks - 25/07/2013 02:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding, "Well, not completely, I guess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 595

You deserved it 4 000

By fmylife. - 29/11/2010 18:02 - Canada

Today, while I was out of the house, my 6 year old brother stole my new waterproof camera, dunked it into the toilet holding onto the wrist strap, and flushed repeatedly to see if it lived up to its "waterproof promise." It didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 554

You deserved it 3 754

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 1 587

By computerdude - 02/06/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I was driving home, talking to my dad on the phone about losing my job. A man kept honking at me, I remarked to my dad how some people on the road are just assholes for no reason. I later realized I had left my laptop on my roof, and it flew onto the freeway. The man was signaling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 263

You deserved it 66 918

computerdude tells us more.

computerdude 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 20:28

to everyone ranting about the phone: its called bluetooth. to everyone not understanding how laptop got on roof: i was carrying a bunch of stuff and set laptop on the roof to open car door. i had just been reamed out by my office manager and head partners in a humiliating way and was distraught. i set it down the right way (on its rubber feet) so make a mental note for the next part. to everyone claiming the laptop could not / should not have made it to the freeway, and / or flown off: i work close to the freeway, and was amazed myself. I later re-drove the route and found the laptop on the side of teh freeway about 2 miles from where i had originally gotten on. from the damage to it, it looked like it must have caught the wind when i got up to speed and then slid down off to the side of the freeway.

By problems - 19/10/2014 03:03 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 516

You deserved it 3 059

By BurnBabyBurn - 22/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Roberta

Today, after stopping to pick up dinner at a fast food joint, I got a nosebleed. I immediately reached into the bag to grab napkins and began stuffing them up my nose, only to find out too late that a mustard packet had burst in the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 721

You deserved it 632

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 456

You deserved it 4 480

Today, I went to a pet store to adopt a dog. I got a medium sized lab, a dog crate, and a few toys, then put his crate in the back of my truck and the dog in his crate. On the way home I realized I forgot dog bowls and some dog food. I went back, and when I got back out to my truck, my dog was gone. My stereo too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 129

You deserved it 8 712

Today, I was excited about showing off my new haircut. All my friends thought it looked really good and it made me look older. What did my boyfriend think? He said I look like a little girl and he was afraid to kiss me in public because he didn't want someone to think he was a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 249

You deserved it 7 402

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 353

Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 112

Today, I had to awkwardly stand next to my ex in a grocery store because our self-checkout machines froze at the same time. Our break up was quite acrimonious so we both tried to play it cool while the attendant came to fix them. They took their fucking time as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 119