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By Stripperofthemall - 25/08/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I found out why my 5 year-old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 241

You deserved it 2 923

By charpanda007 - 15/02/2009 13:56 - Hong Kong

Today, I accompanied some friends to sign up for a gym. When we got there, the guy handed me a form, too. I said, "Oh, I'm not signing up." He replied, "Out of all of you, you need it the most." He then said he was also a nutritionist, and offered a consultation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 880

You deserved it 11 145

By Birthday girl - 06/01/2013 05:59 - United States - Wahpeton

Today, was my birthday. Today was also the day that my mom's cat died four years ago. She was too busy crying and looking at old photos of her beloved cat to even wish me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 299

You deserved it 2 403

By Anonymous - 30/03/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, on my 21st birthday, a relative asked me if I was still engaged to the love of my life. The man I spent several years with, gave my virginity to, moved across the country for, who promised to marry me before my 21st, and who swore he was over his ex for good. No, but thanks for asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 537

You deserved it 8 126

By doomed - 22/08/2009 17:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 548

You deserved it 6 717

By yerface - 13/02/2009 03:52 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 755

You deserved it 8 741

Dumbass friends

By georgehentson - 04/08/2021 20:01

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to post a sign at the deep end of the public swimming pool, saying, "This end topless only." When someone complained, he said that I did it, and I got banned from the pool for life. And fired, too - I was the lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 183

Bluffed

By prian - 08/03/2010 12:08 - Canada

Today, while playing poker, I lost a stack of money to somebody with the screen name "Poopface." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 551

You deserved it 36 340

By christmaswillneverend - 02/01/2013 00:18 - United States - Red Lion

Today, at my four-year-old daughter's insistence, I looked for - and found - a radio station that plays "Santa music" all year round. She's ecstatic and I can't turn it off without upsetting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 053

You deserved it 11 628

Nostalgia

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I told my husband that I missed how exciting it was when we were dating, so he pretended to sneak into my room through the window, we had sex, then fell asleep. All very exciting. Then the bastard actually snuck out while I was still asleep, and didn’t call me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 701

By offtothejobcentre - 31/12/2012 22:42 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. When I signed the paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand her writing, which apparently said she was getting treated for "dangerously low levels of dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 424

You deserved it 25 164

The Office

By SweetFA - 20/08/2009 00:01 - Canada

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss, who said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 577

You deserved it 17 186

By JLoistheBomb - 11/02/2009 00:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 686

You deserved it 76 663

Hashtag Not All Men, but quite a few, eh?

By Anonymous - 30/10/2022 22:00 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Spicy

Today, I was having some fun with a guy, but I had to fake orgasm twice just so he would get out of me it was that shit. Third guy in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 1 187

By Lost... - 06/03/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, after leaving work at 10 pm, I took a shortcut to the highway. After getting lost, my GPS informed me that the service was unavailable and I should try back in an hour. This occurred moments before I ran out of gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 123

You deserved it 8 649

Get a load of this guy

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 14:00

Today my dad asked if he could walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I was just too speechless to respond. He asked me on my doorstep, at 2 a.m., which was also our first ever meeting since he abandoned my mom when she was 5 months pregnant with me, and just disappeared for 28 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 95

By xyz - 09/02/2009 18:24 - Ireland

Today, I told the man I'm sleeping with that I thought my sister was prettier than me. His response : "Not significantly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 830

You deserved it 30 778

Fight club

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 12:00

Today, I was out with my girlfriend when my ex-father-in-law, who suffers from Alzheimer’s, saw us. I don’t know what he was doing out by himself, but he still thinks I’m married to his daughter, so when he saw us he thought I was cheating and knocked my tooth out with his walking stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 93

Duped

By rippedoff - 04/03/2010 14:09 - Australia

Today, I found out that the man who sold me my car 6 months ago lied about it being "recently serviced" and "in excellent condition". It actually hasn't been serviced in years, and fixing all its problems is going to cost me $900 more than what I paid for the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 239

You deserved it 29 900

By ROLLY - 03/03/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 561

You deserved it 3 928

By tarheels526 - 08/02/2009 00:53 - United States

Today, the alarm on my phone went off. I picked it up, hit snooze, and dropped it back on my desk without looking. I woke up an hour later to find that I had dropped it directly in a full glass of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 635

You deserved it 27 497

Screen time

By Anonymous - 08/11/2022 14:00

Spicy

Today, we had a power surge. I don’t know how, but the living room TV blew up and burned the image into the LCD so that even though the telly is dead, you can still see a freeze frame of the last thing I was watching. It was a porno, and you can see absolutely everything. My dad is going to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 960

One of the guys

By Sabrinna - 14/03/2024 16:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I found out that the girl that my boyfriend considers “one of the guys” isn’t really one of the guys after all. I trusted him to let her stay at his house overnight on several occasions, and to spend alone time with her. She’s pregnant, and the baby is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 341

Pincushion

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 23:00

Today, I accidentally broke a vase. When I was clearing it up, I used my bare hand to sweep up the shards without thinking. I'm still fishing pieces of broken glass out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 2 075

By karmavictim - 18/03/2011 11:28

Today, I swerved out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel, and in the process hit another squirrel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 120

You deserved it 10 938

By grounded. - 02/03/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I'm a 25-year-old married woman and I'm currently living with my grandfather to take care of him. Today, he grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 095

You deserved it 4 092

Getting fit for all the wrong reasons

By Anonymous - 01/05/2020 14:00

Today, for the 28th consecutive day, I went jogging for an hour, even though I never really used to, just to get away from my husband and two kids, because being stuck in lockdown with them is boring me out of my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 571

BO issues

By morgan - 11/11/2022 06:00

Today, my girlfriend showered ten times, used an entire tube of deodorant, and continued to stink. It’s been like this for the past week, despite it being cold outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 133

By theoneguyinky - 01/03/2010 14:48 - United States

Today, I was building new fixtures at work. As I assembled the top holding bar on the second section, my boss came up and smacked it to try and scare me. She knocked the top holding bar, which is made of steel, onto my head, and then all the sections went on to fall like dominoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 590

You deserved it 1 970

theoneguyinky tells us more.

theoneguyinky 0

Tuesday 2 March 2010 0:03

It didn't hurt me, just stung for a bit, needless to say I let her fix the mess and walked off to do something else. And to answer everyone's question, no, she is not hot.

By ScoozieBooze - 20/12/2012 18:17 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 508

You deserved it 32 420

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Miscellaneous Family Money Birthday Kids Animals Cats Kittens Cute Dogs Parenting Embarrassing Love Crush Work Painful Sports Awkward Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying My ex Gross School Intimacy NSFW

The Top

The Top

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 097

You deserved it 26 664

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 126

You deserved it 1 792

Today, I quit smoking. It seems that when you don't smoke for almost 24 hours, your sense of smell comes back. I then noticed how disgusting my apartment smells. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 823

You deserved it 52 022

Today, when I realized I'd forgot rice on the stove, I jumped off my chair and pulled off my headphones really fast. Now I've got burnt rice and broken headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 399

You deserved it 1 535

Today, my aged mother continued to complain about her computer issues to me. A relative, who is good at tech support, won't bother servicing her computer because whatever she does ends up bogging it down the next day, so I have to hear about it on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 179

Today, I was excited to sleep in on my day off. My girlfriend woke me up at 6 am. To bring up an argument from a week ago. An argument about salad dressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 125