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The moment when…

By wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 129

You deserved it 74 133

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 20:17 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 194

You deserved it 4 613

By charlotte9338 - 23/10/2011 23:32 - Canada

Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 029

You deserved it 2 907

By has an old monitor - 05/12/2014 14:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 959

You deserved it 3 249

By nick - 24/12/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 435

You deserved it 3 011

Thanks guys

By mommydearist - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 451

You deserved it 2 992

Pikachu Fail

By FML Videos - 06/11/2018 18:30 - United States - New York

Pokémon GO got weird...

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 94

Evil child

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 02:01

Today, after my stepdaughter warned me that she’d get rid of me, she's finally successfully driven such a large wedge between me and my wife that we haven’t spoken in a month, and today she asked me for a divorce. Well played, stepdaughter, well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 827

You deserved it 348

By Anonymous - 28/11/2014 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 380

You deserved it 4 665

Heated gaming moment

By Anonymous - 26/11/2014 19:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 184

You deserved it 6 817

Relatable

By Having a pretty sister sucks. - 19/08/2013 01:36 - United States - College Station

Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 452

You deserved it 4 323

My favorite letter is L

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 113

You deserved it 51 312

By Crypticbeerbelly - 11/01/2017 14:44

Today, I was reading a recipe list on my tablet. I moved a little, and one of my fat rolls came into contact with a button which closed the tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 263

You deserved it 3 802

By adieuvelib - 15/10/2011 01:53 - France

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 222

You deserved it 5 799

Rekt

By Shaun - 16/06/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 394

You deserved it 6 178

Weird pick up line, but OK

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 17:16 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 392

You deserved it 33 152

By anonymous - 09/10/2011 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 310

You deserved it 27 617

I've seen it all

By gspotter - 14/11/2014 21:58 - Canada - Verdun

Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 145

You deserved it 5 040

By Anonymous - 10/11/2014 21:50 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 749

You deserved it 12 062

Public announcement

By Pissed - 05/10/2011 15:29 - Australia

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 756

You deserved it 8 434

Like what you've done with the place

By me. - 29/08/2012 04:19 - United States - Roseau

Today, I came home from work to find my house was flooded from a broken pipe under the sink. My house had just recently had new wood floors, carpet and electrics installed because 6 months earlier my house had been flooded by the same pipe breaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 208

You deserved it 2 933

And today, on Dr Phil…

By pretty poly - 10/11/2020 11:01

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. He wants to introduce our girlfriend to our kids and make her a part of our everyday family life. When we started this, I was under the impression that it was just a sex thing, and wouldn’t leave our bedroom. He wants to make her his second wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 4 661

The long goodbye

By fml9124 - 14/11/2020 11:02

Today, my 79-year-old mom who has Alzheimer's fondly remembered all the wild sex she had with me back in the 1960s. I wasn't born then. She thinks I'm my dad, who died 15 years ago. In all of our conversations now, she talks to me as if she is talking to her husband and some of the talks turn racy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 93

Not a vegan, then?

By Anonymous - 30/01/2022 17:01

Today, a big crab at the beach got hold of my headphones and wouldn’t let go. Rather than wait and try to tease them free, my husband just grabbed the crab and ripped the claw off its body. The man has no patience or respect for other living things at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 284

You deserved it 391

By XLhottie - 06/06/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 212

You deserved it 23 061

Drilled

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 14:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was having drilling work done on my teeth. My dentist slipped and drilled a hole in my cheek. I said mistakes happen, but that I didn't expect to pay for the work. They still billed me for it and sent me a prescription that I had to go and get (and pay for) in case it got infected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 136

Toys R Us

By microlovin - 28/07/2013 07:45 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 850

You deserved it 9 276

A more innocent time…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Hillsboro

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 238

You deserved it 3 433

Don't shoot the messenger

By ........................... - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 570

You deserved it 6 301

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 11:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 136

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend's parents took pictures of my tattoos to make sure I'm "not affiliated with any gangs." I have never even been arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 823

You deserved it 4 189

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of something I said 2 years ago, as a joke. I guess she took a while to get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 219

You deserved it 8 208

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 584

You deserved it 67 236

Today, I found out that while my mother-in-law claimed to be babysitting my son, she was actually dropping him off at an unlicensed “day care” in a shady part of town so she could go out. How did I find out? The house was raided by police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 823

You deserved it 349

Today, I told a friend I was going to the dentist for the first time in years. He immediately replied, "Yay! Teeth whitening!" I hadn't mentioned teeth whitening. I'm not even going for teeth whitening. -5 XP new insecurity unlocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 214

Today, while I was using the bathroom at work, I heard someone come into the stall next to mine and start talking. Thinking they were on the phone, I stayed quiet… but then they said, “I know it’s you, Jennifer.” My name isn't Jennifer. I had to sit there in silence until they left, pretending to be someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 208