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Wow, forgot there are so many 100% perfect people out there who have never made a stupid mistake in their lives! This was a momentary lapse of judgement that resulted in a pretty minor accident, that being the first and only I’ve had in 20+ years of driving. I was not driving drunk, speeding or doing anything overly reckless. I was eating. Silly mistake, yes. Don’t know if it really warrants the nasty comments.

By lifeguardlechery - 14/09/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 860

You deserved it 3 245

lifeguardlechery tells us more.

lifeguardlechery 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 17:17

To be fair, I did scream "OMG NO! GTF OFFAME!" at the time. It's just that there was no one around but him and me to hear it (it was really early). After that point in time he switched to verbal sexual harassment. =_=

By dumped - 27/10/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 889

You deserved it 2 807

The next day hangover

By CantHandleAlcohol - 18/05/2022 02:00 - United States - Loveland

Today, I got drunk enough to do cartwheels at a company party. In a dress. I work in HR, can’t land a cartwheel, or handle my alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 1 405

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 03:30 - United States - Crowley

Today, I found out that my boyfriend paid a guy to tell me he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 118

You deserved it 6 264

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said no so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 836

You deserved it 4 705

By Anonymous - 26/10/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 897

You deserved it 33 992

By stixx - 25/10/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 702

You deserved it 75 574

By Granny - 24/10/2009 21:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 983

You deserved it 3 490

Cereal killer

By Kyley - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was broken up with via a cereal analogy. Apparently, I'm a Cheerio and all he wants is a Froot Loop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 631

You deserved it 2 439

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 05:14 - Canada - Clairmont

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 940

You deserved it 10 280

By K3you - 04/07/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, my fiancé broke off our engagement after he saw one of my baby pictures. He said our future kids "just wouldn't look right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 835

You deserved it 3 611

By Anonymous - 30/05/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 496

You deserved it 6 819

By single - 01/07/2011 09:12 - China

Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 871

You deserved it 4 525

By SE011194 - 24/05/2014 06:14 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my boyfriend told me that the girl he really likes sees me as a threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 525

You deserved it 5 093

CPS!

By jasminejzhu - 14/04/2013 09:58 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 058

You deserved it 11 691

Suspicious activity

By omgn00blolz89 - 07/04/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 622

You deserved it 3 771

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 21:35 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 379

You deserved it 12 169

Spud

By cheat - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm "so slow a turtle could kick my ass" and that he has "a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 336

You deserved it 37 713

By JessykaB - 28/08/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 917

You deserved it 7 372

By suhleedah18 - 24/04/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, I realized just how bad my problem with making eye contact is, when I caught myself looking the other way when the singer in a music video looked directly at the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 846

You deserved it 4 986

By Don’t Think About It. - 26/08/2019 16:00

Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423

You deserved it 230

By not gay in AL - 11/05/2014 17:57 - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 410

You deserved it 5 496

By vstan - 25/08/2010 00:48 - United States

Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 508

You deserved it 5 126

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Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 158

You deserved it 1 837

Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 203

You deserved it 4 375

Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 353

You deserved it 4 392

Today, after religiously eating healthy, getting good sleep, and trying to keep my stress level low, I'm stuck in bed with aches, fever, sore throat, the shits and throwing up. My wedding is in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 009

You deserved it 243

Today, I woke up early to do the dishes and clean up, after having people over yesterday. Now my wife is mad at me because I didn't stay in bed with her longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 112

Today, and for the past year, my boyfriend keeps wanting to arm-wrestle with me. I’m rather petite and I don’t exercise a lot, yet I’m still waiting for him to win, just even once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 137