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Creepy

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:52 - United Kingdom - Stretham

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 661

You deserved it 4 855

Harshing our buzz, man

By Anonymous - 16/01/2023 14:00

Today, I was asked to leave a party because apparently I was a buzzkill. It was my party, for my birthday, at my house. All my friends and relatives basically sent me to my room for being too tired to party, so they could get pissed in my front room and pillage my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 214

By whitechocolate - 20/07/2009 02:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that even though my parents have been married for 21 years, our "family friend," who routinely accompanies us on family vacations, completes their threesome. Everyone in town has known for years, except for me and my older brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 994

You deserved it 2 904

Porque no los dos?

By aye! - 25/07/2020 02:02

Today, just like every other day, I noticed that one of my male coworkers always stares at me while passing by or when it's time for lunch. I read somewhere that if a person stares at you too long, they either want to have sex with you or want to kill you. He has a girlfriend, so I doubt it's the first option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 319

Sir Alan Sugar has spoken

By freckleboy422 - 31/01/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I got married and I'd invited everyone from work including my boss. His way of congratulating me was to mention that I'm out of a job. He said it was a good time to do it because he thought I would be too happy or too drunk to care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 649

You deserved it 2 835

By wolfpacking - 02/02/2010 05:51 - France

Today, I was in the car with my friends. A techno song came on and we started fist-pumping. We hit a bump, I fist-pumped myself in the face, and crashed into a stop sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 149

You deserved it 54 028

By Snowy - 22/09/2018 05:00 - Turkey

Today, I couldn't get out of bed due to severe morning sickness. I have to lay still and I can only hold in some tiny crackers. It's the second day of our two-week holiday in Turkey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 703

You deserved it 316

Nice try

By Anonymous - 04/11/2021 02:00 - Australia

Today, I've had a crush on a guy for a while - a friend of mine knows this. I finally decided to find out once and for all if there was any chance with him, so I drove to his house, armed with a home cooked meal and wine, only to find the very friend I confided in was at his house. It turns out they are now an item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 185

You're one to talk

By fataldisease - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my son laughed at me when I tried to get him to put a bit more effort into his schoolwork. Turns out his grandmother had showed him all my shitty school reports from when I was his age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 615

You deserved it 7 799

Season finale

By liar liar plants for hire - 03/08/2020 23:01

Today, thanks to traveling restrictions being lifted, I was finally able to go visit the guy I've been chatting with online for the past year. When we met it was like a TV show, well more like three shows: Catfish, Hoarders and My 600lbs life. Turns out he had his neighbor video chat me all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 749

You deserved it 672

By fartje - 25/01/2015 18:21 - Netherlands

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer blatantly farted as I sat down, then she sneered, "Making yourself comfortable, I see..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 680

You deserved it 2 465

IDGAF!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares!" as he walked away, chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 966

You deserved it 4 638

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 22:43 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 380

You deserved it 5 496

By angie429 - 27/11/2011 23:45 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend to my family's traditional late Thanksgiving dinner. While eating, my mom brought up celebrity infidelity. My grandpa ended up looking me in the eye and saying, "Look Angie, sometimes what a man has just isn't enough. When that happens, cheating is forgiveable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 143

You deserved it 2 754

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 00:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 907

You deserved it 7 170

Exhausted

By snoozes - 16/11/2021 20:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I have officially become that couple that has to schedule sex. Between his working, my going back to school, raising kids, doing housework and homework, we just haven’t had time. Last night we tried to be spontaneous and get it on. We both fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 262

By moonchic - 17/01/2015 01:47 - United States - Flushing

Today, my dad was looking for a flashlight in my bedroom. He trashed the place, which I'd just cleaned. Turns out the flashlight was in his bedroom. Then I got a 10 minute lecture on how I was such a slob and I should take more care of my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 938

You deserved it 2 402

moonchic tells us more.

moonchic 16

Tuesday 4 August 2015 4:59

Sorry for commenting so late) I completely forgot about this post and then I remembered. Anyway, thank you for all of your support, I didn't think this would get published! Yes what my father did wasn't a very smart move but I tried to convince and prove to him that he was the one that trashed my room in the first place. Eventually after an hour of dispute, he realized what he did (after me having to tell him repeatedly) and he apologized.

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 04:08 - United States - Bloomdale

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 815

You deserved it 4 408

By i.ask.you.how. - 12/07/2009 06:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 924

You deserved it 20 699

Bad boys, bad boys…

By Joey Soprano - 18/08/2020 02:06

Today, I went to the DMV today and sat in line for over 6 hours to renew my driver's license. Even though with the pandemic, it's been extended to New Year's Eve but I decided to get it done and over with. I get called up to finish everything, only to find out my license is suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 559

Liquid fun

By Anonymous - 16/08/2020 05:04

Today, after 25 years, I quit drinking. It wasn’t worth it. My life and everyone around me still sucked. So I started up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 685

Sick sex, dude

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 02:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 534

You deserved it 5 240

By Told_You_So - 09/07/2009 06:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 119

You deserved it 5 092

MOOOOOM!!

By i_am_forever - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter was putting clothes in the drier when she yelled, "Mom!! The drier won't start!" I had to explain to her that the door needed to be shut. Her response, "Oh. I didn't know that mattered." She's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 052

You deserved it 6 223

Alas, poor Salem

By Stalked - 15/11/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, a policeman and I confronted my psychotic neighbor, who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 756

You deserved it 2 777

By sleeplessinrichmond - 15/09/2013 06:02 - United States - Bronx

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 819

You deserved it 2 962

Is this a joke?

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 771

You deserved it 3 900

Whispers and rumors

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 03:34 - United States - Blacksburg

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 3 040

Sorry father…

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 20:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 704

You deserved it 44 088

By lilipalmer - 13/02/2015 06:44 - France

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 555

You deserved it 3 440

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Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 576

You deserved it 44 756

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 176

You deserved it 4 342

Today, I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were three girls loudly discussing blowjob techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was, "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 404

You deserved it 29 769

Today, I saw on Facebook that a friend left her job where I also used to work, as she posted a picture of her farewell gifts, including cards, balloons and cookies. Normally, I'd be happy for her, except when I left I was told they'd "stopped doing farewell presents", and as such, I'd got nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 593

You deserved it 766

Today, I got a letter from the state that I'm being divorced. I've never been married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 921

You deserved it 306

Today, I remembered that I chose my career of the last decade because, unlike my job in the dying newspaper industry, "concerts aren’t going anywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 190