The Top

The train had those seats that run parallel with the walls of the train, not the window and aisle seats. And I tell you know that the lady was just one of those people that looks down their nose at most youth. I was in no way disrespectful to her and when I pointed out the seat next to me and she went and told the security guards that I refused to stand up for her. It's messed up, man. OP

By "syd_the_kidd_9707" - 25/02/2019 00:00

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 361

You deserved it 214

Exterminators are expensive

By vinyl_mermaid - 02/03/2017 14:00

Today, in an effort to rearrange my bedroom, I planned to reroute my internet cables under my house. Then I found out about the black widow infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 636

You deserved it 490

Social animal

By Well then - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I realised that the only thing that's got fucked since I started university is my sleep cycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 309

You deserved it 526

Cool prank bro

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 11:02 - United States

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school that says, "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 786

You deserved it 3 570

Oh no

By Bad sibling - 07/03/2019 20:00

Today, as planned, my dad confirmed that he would be flying up to visit me for the weekend. Not planned, however, was that my whiny and high-maintenance sister invited herself along too. There's no way I can dis-invite her without offending my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 142

You deserved it 241

By mydadsawsooomuch - 17/11/2010 13:26 - United States

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 187

You deserved it 9 840

By ohcrap - 11/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 400

You deserved it 40 179

She knew

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 03:00 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, a photographer came to take photos of my house for listing. While showing her around, she said, “I’ll just get this hair tie out of the shot” and picked it up. It wasn’t a hair tie. It was my rubber cock ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 427

Missing

By nofinal - 10/12/2009 06:34 - United States

Today, I woke up at 7 am to take my last final. When I got to the parking lot, I realized my car was missing. After speaking to the police for 3 hours, I called my girlfriend to let her know what happened. She then told me I had parked on the street the night before. So much for the 8 am final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 315

You deserved it 30 668

Desperate

By ineedalifekay - 24/05/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "Who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 031

You deserved it 46 443

New parents know

By Anonymous - 18/03/2019 20:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I've reached a level of tired I didn't think was possible. I've had less than 3 hours sleep in the last 72 hours and have not slept more than 20 minutes each stretch because my newborn is so unsettled. The baby has been peacefully sleeping for the last 3 hours and I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 324

Sexy times

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend turned down sex so he could masturbate to his favourite Japanese cartoon porn. I was obviously horny but his compromise was to offer to watch it and masturbate together. I’m an adult damnit, I want sex, not pissing cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 359

By xmelissadavisx - 28/11/2015 12:21

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train looked like he was about to be sick. I quickly handed him the nearest bag I could find, a bag full of my lunch for that day. Safe to say he held nothing back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 594

You deserved it 3 557

Tipped off

By Anonymous - 30/09/2014 23:42 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 781

You deserved it 10 189

Anticlimax

By feminista - 28/07/2012 20:38 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 162

You deserved it 3 432

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 19:44 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 922

You deserved it 4 526

By justlittleoldme - 25/07/2012 21:05 - United States - Sarona

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 739

You deserved it 2 637

By mightymart - 24/07/2012 10:26 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my landlord decided to have people visit my apartment since I'm moving out next month. She had warned me about potential visitors this week but didn't specify when. I work the graveyard shift and apparently the fact that I was sleeping in my room during the visit didn't bother her at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 506

You deserved it 1 902

mightymart tells us more.

mightymart 5

Wednesday 25 July 2012 1:15

I would have stayed awake if she would have called before, not like it happens often

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. What was it over? He accused me of pronouncing MY name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 766

You deserved it 3 882

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 251

You deserved it 339

Today, while leaving our county courthouse after testifying as the arresting officer in multiple DWI cases, I hit a wrong way sign in the court’s parking lot. All the defense attorneys were outside, asking me if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 842

Today, I told my wife I walked away from a £5000 bet I had a good chance at winning, because I refused to embarrass myself in public. She responded with a Star Trek reference, "Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack, rule of acquisition 109." My god, I married a heartless nerd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 1 254

Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 134

Today, I found out that my partner intentionally acts like she sleeps through our baby's cries in the middle of the night, just to force me to do all the late night feeds and diaper changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 415

Today, my dad is trying to kick me out to become homeless, because it’s my goal to become a police officer, and since he’s served prison time I’m now scum in his eyes and a disgrace to our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 313