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By roze198765 - 04/08/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 898

You deserved it 4 393

Freakout

By Anonymous - 18/06/2019 03:10

Today, I'm in my mid-twenties and just learned that I still start crying in confusing situations. I found this out by getting the wrong train in a foreign country, and then having the conductor come and tell me my ticket was only valid for the other direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 287

Check this out!

By What an ass - 23/02/2021 20:01 - Australia

Today, while using my phone camera as a mirror, I managed to broadcast a Facebook Live video of myself applying haemorrhoid cream to my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 1 281

Drunken rampage

By Anonymous - 01/08/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 004

You deserved it 71 835

By ihatebadkids - 24/06/2019 16:07 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was uninvited from every family event henceforth, because I finally had it and told my sister that I can’t stand to be around her horribly misbehaved kids. They have screaming meltdown tantrums, throw and break things, start fights and steal. How am I the bad guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 219

You deserved it 283

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 16:04 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 382

You deserved it 6 836

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 310

By Embarrassed - 01/10/2010 13:06 - United States

Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 518

You deserved it 6 101

By cadillacfrank - 24/07/2011 21:01 - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 830

You deserved it 36 607

Don't scratch every itch

By Anonymous - 27/05/2012 14:19 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 065

You deserved it 36 107

By AboutToBeHomeless - 03/11/2016 13:16

Today, I received a letter from my landlord's attorney. It said my landlord is terminating my "verbal" lease with him. Ten years ago, the deal began as rent to own. My landlord is my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 947

You deserved it 765

By konichiwa - 02/11/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 936

You deserved it 34 791

By Oopsie - 20/07/2019 04:00

Today, nine hours into a ten-hour shift, I accidentally told a customer, "You're a problem!" instead of, "You're welcome!" or, "No problem!" She gave me a dirty look and hurried off before I could correct myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 272

By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 767

You deserved it 7 834

What is wrong with these dudes?

By Anonymous - 01/08/2019 00:01

Today, my boyfriend tried to use his “grief” at the death of a coworker to get butt sex, even though I know for a fact he didn’t like the guy that much, and just last week wished for the guy to get hit by a bus. Pretty despicable way to try get back door access if you ask me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 380

You deserved it 486

By Anonymous - 13/05/2012 15:12 - United States - Monson

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 932

You deserved it 4 067

Play ball

By cavgirl - 12/04/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, the guy that I like took me on to the Cavaliers game. At the game, on the jumbotron they do a thing where they show couples and have them kiss, the camera goes on to us and as I go into kiss him, he turns and says, "Not in this lifetime". The entire stadium got to see me get rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 567

You deserved it 11 269

By trixieee - 04/08/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend got a text from a "close female friend." The text was of her with no shirt on, and he quickly closed his phone. His explanation was that his female friends just want his opinion on how they look. I don't know what's worse, that there are several, or that he thinks I'm that stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 230

You deserved it 208

Get off my lawn!

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 00:01

Today, my landlord asked me to get rid of the flower boxes I have at the window in the stairwell. Why? Because they are disgusting. Why are they disgusting? Because his cat keeps using them as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 182

WTF is that?

By fock - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Almonte

Today, I had to convince my 28-year-old boyfriend to take down his booger wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 768

You deserved it 5 479

By anonymous - 24/09/2016 13:10 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was told I needed to start carrying bandaids with me at work because practically every day I hurt myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 188

You deserved it 2 352

Felicia doesn't approve

By uneek_3225 - 22/10/2009 05:53 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 839

You deserved it 3 547

By Anonymous - 14/08/2019 14:00

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad came in to ask if I wanted the rest of his cake. I'd made it for my cousin's wedding, and spent 2 days preparing it. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 216

You deserved it 168

Neverending hell

By SKG95 - 22/08/2019 16:00

Today, I had a flight to Philadelphia, but it got canceled due to bad weather. I booked another, which got delayed. After waiting for almost 12 hours at the airport, I boarded, just to have a super annoying toddler kicking my seat from behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 152

By fired - 13/05/2014 14:29 - United States - Millis

Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 754

You deserved it 4 477

Get up!

By Casino - 02/04/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I bitched out my grandmother, who lives with my family, for being lazy and laying in bed until 6-7pm for the past month. When I was done, she told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and was depressed because of it. Nobody had bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 486

You deserved it 102 511

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 11:00

Today, my hotel room key wouldn't open my door. Maintenance had to come let me in. My giant dildo was out on the table. I'm a 250-pound man, traveling alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 1 424

By Caqtusmonkey - 25/08/2016 15:28 - United States - Arlington

Today, I heard my dog chewing on something. I called her over, held out my hand, and told her to drop it. She dropped it into my hand, and I was proud of her. That was until I realized it was cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 800

You deserved it 1 818

Lower your expectations

By mista_sandy - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, a guy asked me out and said he was going to take me to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you. I love Japanese food, so I was really excited. We went to Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 110

You deserved it 5 941

By mustanggt - 02/10/2017 16:00 - United States - Utica

Today, I finished a repair on my trailer. About twenty miles down the road, one of the joints gave out and the whole thing broke on the freeway, scattering lumber and splinters everywhere. The traffic cop called me the worst carpenter in the whole state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 769

You deserved it 1 029

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The Top

Today, I found my 15-year-old son sleeping on the couch. I asked why, and he said he'd rented his room out to someone on Craigslist to make extra money, so he was getting used to sleeping in the living room instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 050

You deserved it 2 905

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 082

You deserved it 8 049

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 964

You deserved it 15 937

Hang in there, buddy!

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 136

Today, our washing machine broke and dumped around 100 gallons onto the floor. My dad had installed crappy water valves and we couldn’t turn off the water. I called my dad and he accused me of lying. His “repairs” have now caused 5 major disasters in our home due to his shoddy and cheap work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 321

Today, I visited my brother and found him with his head up his wife’s shirt. Her explanation was he’d had a bad day so she was making it better. It really drove home how shit my marriage is. My wife hasn’t let me touch her in months and wouldn’t care if I’d had a bad day, even if I told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 148