The Top

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 15:52 - United States - Westerville

Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 663

You deserved it 2 886

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 21:35 - United Kingdom - Stourport

Today, I won a meal for two in a raffle. I had no one to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 097

You deserved it 2 156

Get away from me!

By Bobby The Baker - 03/04/2019 16:00

Today, a cockroach flew towards me, and out of panic I dropped my car keys in the sewer. Not only did I lose my keys, but the cake I made for a client is stuck inside the car. It's for a wedding, and they're arriving in the reception area in a few minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 487

You OK dude?

By dragos_dgt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Romania

Today, at work, my boss stared at me from behind while I made hand gestures and noises at a toaster. I was pretending to be Magneto. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 050

You deserved it 33 785

By Iamlonesometonight - 26/03/2017 18:47

Today, my now-ex dumped me at a house party, which I then couldn't leave, as all my things were at his house, where I was meant to be staying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 340

You deserved it 345

By Lying - 24/07/2014 06:09 - China - Shenzhen

Today, travelling in China, I was told to write a wish on a ribbon attached to a stone, and then throw it into a tree. The higher the wish lands, the greater the chance that it’ll come true. My wish landed in a trashcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 104

So cute

By Randomm - 12/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was walking into my school and I saw two girls kissing. Being a lesbian myself, and thinking it would be cute, I winked at them. I guess one of them had a history of cheating with a girl who looked just like me, because her girlfriend came up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 918

You deserved it 1 223

By crushedsoul - 05/11/2015 21:34 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I attended my school's special invitation-only awards ceremony, relieved that I was getting a much-needed scholarship. I watched all my friends go up and win scholarships. In the end, I only got a certificate for doing well on the PSAT. My whole family showed up for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 012

You deserved it 1 995

I'm not paid enough for this shit

By FabFor87 - 19/12/2016 16:15 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 803

You deserved it 544

By anonymous - 06/06/2013 04:14 - United States - Tehachapi

Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 859

You deserved it 6 538

By I'm a moron - 27/05/2019 14:03

Today, I woke up in an empty room. Thinking I'd been kidnapped, I kicked the door in. The previous night was a blur, and thought I'd been drugged. I was actually in the room my friends had put me in last night, because I went on a drunken rampage. It cost me $100 for a new door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 3 332

By Peter Steele love - 18/10/2015 00:49 - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 165

You deserved it 19 063

By lostandconfused - 31/05/2019 05:00

Today, I was teaching a class of 17-year-old Japanese boys English. Tripping over a school bag, I caught my foot in the bottom of my very loose elastic trousers. I pulled them down with my foot as I stumbled, exposing my underwear to all 40 students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 766

You deserved it 302

By Myriam - 18/06/2012 16:05 - Maldives - Male

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 888

You deserved it 3 418

Wild night, huh?

By Anonymous - 06/06/2019 22:00

Today, I had a party at my house. I have a nice laptop that I hook up to the stereo, but someone almost spilt beer on it, so I took it downstairs. Later on in the night, I went down to look something up on it. Someone had taken a shit on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 965

You deserved it 425

You tried at least

By oreosaretoocool - 05/12/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Cardenden

Today, I finally gave my mum an expensive designer dress I spent months saving to buy for her as she had been very depressed. However she has gained so much weight from stress eating she ripped it when trying to put it on, and now won't talk to me because, "I wanted to make her feel fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 684

You deserved it 1 147

By Anonymous - 24/05/2017 02:00

Today, I got better phone reception crossing an inlet on a ferry than I normally do at my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 630

You deserved it 363

Nice try, Sharon

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bremerton

Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 342

You deserved it 5 517

By trustyourfamily - 14/09/2015 22:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss bragged to a coworker, in front of me, about how much money he saved on a project because he majorly underpays me. My boss is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 092

You deserved it 2 293

By 41k312 - 01/11/2016 05:03

Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 764

You deserved it 3 651

By Anonymous - 06/05/2013 18:13 - Ireland - Kilmacrennan

Today, I found out that my wife is having an affair with the same guy my ex-wife left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 424

You deserved it 6 149

By Smittynumerouno - 28/10/2016 03:13 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had an old man yell in my face because the boxes in our store only had Spanish words on them. I spent 15 minutes apologizing and trying to explain that the English was on the back side. He stormed out before I could even show him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 849

You deserved it 927

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 06:39 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, after missing college for a week due to illness, I found out my "friends" were bullshitting me about us having to write an important no-extension Biology essay. Copious amounts of my sweat, snot and tears went into that desperation-fueled nightmare. Thanks, dickheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 050

You deserved it 2 607

By catslave - 17/09/2016 08:43 - New Zealand

Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 077

You deserved it 1 895

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 02:55 - Canada

Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 946

You deserved it 61 477

Bashed

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 145

Awkward

By notmyfam - 09/09/2016 07:47 - Australia - Chester Hill

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 640

You deserved it 1 050

By Just Lonely - 04/09/2016 05:04 - United States - La Place

Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 623

You deserved it 989

Internship troubles

By bibou2324 - 18/04/2012 20:41

Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 539

You deserved it 5 575

By ladylarni - 07/04/2013 08:20 - Australia

Today, my ex-husband officially became my stepdad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 088

You deserved it 4 878

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The Top

Today, I'm an intern working in a company's reception area, which happens to have a coffee dispenser. As I'm the new girl, every client getting coffee wants to buy me one. I'm too polite to say no. It's 10:26 AM, and I'm on cup #17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 198

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 959

You deserved it 3 095

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 358

You deserved it 3 601

Today, I ordered a vacuum cleaner on Amazon for same-day delivery. When it arrived in the evening I learned the value of reading the description rather than just looking at pictures because it turned out to be a toy vacuum, for a suggested age of two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 215

You deserved it 5 159

Today, I'm on vacation in Germany and in our seemingly normal hotel my fucking door won't stop opening and closing by itself, and I can't fucking sleep. Jesus Christ ghost, go away, I don't wanna die as well. I thought this hotel would be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 1 451

Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 93