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Accidental homophobia

By Anonymous - 28/05/2016 03:47 - United States

Today, my brother came out on Facebook, with a message including the words "I got nothing against gays. Except my dick!" I replied "Eww!" My second comment, "Eww because of the analogy, lol." disappeared among a load of replies tearing me apart for being a homophobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 024

You deserved it 3 302

Cold-blooded old times

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 02:00

Today, going through my dead grandma's papers, we found old faded photos. I showed them to my mum, who screamed in shock. They were grandma and granddad's erotic photos from about seventy years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 381

By muaythaiboss - 22/05/2016 17:45 - United States - Alexandria

Today, as I was instructing our new third grade students about how our martial arts classes are safer than people think, someone broke their leg right in front of their innocent faces. They saw the bone sticking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 388

You deserved it 1 077

muaythaiboss tells us more.

muaythaiboss 12

Monday 23 May 2016 13:24

OP here. if anyone is wondering how he broke his leg. he basically got his leg trapped, and when he was thrown, he landed on only one leg. the doctors said it was a pretty clean fracture, so he will be back in 2 months. but needless to say we lost 6 of the 8 students.

By Ouch - 12/08/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 778

You deserved it 22 667

By onemonthmyarse - 25/07/2018 14:00 - United Kingdom - Isleworth

Today, it's been 9 months since my home was damaged by a neighbour's gas explosion. The council said it would take a month to repair. I'm still living on my boyfriend's mother's sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 330

You deserved it 189

By Jane - 28/04/2016 03:58 - United States - Beaver Falls

Today, my fiancé tells me he loves me about 100 times a day. At first it was cute, but now it's getting really annoying. We can't have a conversation without him throwing in about 10 "I love you"s. I'm beginning to not want to talk to him anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 835

You deserved it 3 077

By SamWGovan - 09/12/2012 16:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 067

You deserved it 66 971

SamWGovan tells us more.

SamWGovan 6

Monday 10 December 2012 21:51

Funniest thing was i started laughing uncontrollably afterwards.

End of the road

By CANTTAKEMORE - 26/04/2016 22:24 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I seriously considered stepping in front of a car so that I could miss a few days of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 420

You deserved it 2 983

Understandable

By sweetlilthing - 31/05/2020 17:00

Today, my husband is depressed because the government is relaxing coronavirus isolation and he doesn’t want to have to return to talking to people, or having family drop by unexpectedly, or socialising at all. He prefers being stuck at home as an antisocial Xbox and Netflix goblin FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 243

You deserved it 1 228

By need new job - 24/04/2016 18:12 - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 441

You deserved it 1 436

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 03:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my friends barged in at 8am with the entire day planned out. Apparently they thought I was bluffing when I said I didn't want a bachelorette party. I've been working overtime for weeks straight and am so exhausted I can hardly handle the planning of the wedding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 024

You deserved it 355

By Ana - 14/08/2018 01:30

Today, while fighting with a girl I hate, my nose piercing got a little loose and I ended up snorting it in. That same girl had to take me to the hospital for surgery. She told everyone afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 136

You deserved it 1 178

Quiet please

By mute - 16/04/2016 00:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 136

You deserved it 3 570

By abigiggles - 26/08/2018 22:00

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 435

You deserved it 347

Crotch shot

By Rash - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 681

You deserved it 3 318

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 04:31 - United States - Havertown

Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 509

You deserved it 1 518

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 19:44 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss - whose intelligence level hovers a hair above "Herpity derpity derp" - got up my ass and accused me of lying to him. All because I said that just because I'm a network admin, I can't make his 7 year old piece of crap Blackberry magically be able to use 4G networks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 564

You deserved it 1 373

By waxinghorror - 11/07/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 596

You deserved it 9 260

Harsh

By Anonymous - 16/08/2020 08:01

Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 008

You deserved it 351

Brain wormed

By dumbAssCollegeStudent - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I finally did my laundry after a good few weeks, only to think another washer was a dryer. I just ran my clothes through the wash 3 times, because I was confused as to why they weren't drying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 699

You deserved it 22 615

By Oops - 07/01/2017 20:48 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I accidentally spilled red wine on my cat. She ran away and licked the wine off before I had a chance to clean her. My mother is deeply concerned our cat is dying. I'm trying to tell her to wait 24 hours before taking her to the vet's, simply because I think my cat is hung over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 866

You deserved it 1 288

By News to Me - 21/10/2018 15:30

Today, I went to switch my phone number to a new carrier. During the credit check, I was told that I couldn't because I already had an active account. This came as a surprise, as I've never had an account with that carrier. Time to file a fraud claim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 279

You deserved it 194

By lk07 - 03/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 782

You deserved it 343

Great news!

By screwedfortheweek - 28/01/2016 23:39 - United States

Today, I started a new job. After being trained on several obscure computer programs I'm expected to use in just one day, my new boss informed me she's going on a week long vacation starting tomorrow. She's the only other person who knows how this program runs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 880

You deserved it 1 493

Beginner

By madzlovesgee - 16/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 906

You deserved it 53 410

By SenorPoopypants - 08/01/2017 19:23

Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 686

You deserved it 993

By anonymous - 19/08/2013 05:41 - United States - Lamar

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 410

You deserved it 3 061

Delivery!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 313

You deserved it 2 357

By brokeandcardless - 13/01/2016 12:15 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my card got declined at Subway, so I walked to the nearest cashpoint thirty minutes away to frantically figure out how much cash I had in my card. As I went to pull my card out of my purse, it slipped from my grip and fell into the sewer. The guy behind me snorted with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 881

You deserved it 2 618

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 06:31

Today, I dropped a tray of dirty dishes at work. I overheard a server telling a customer that I was inexperienced, so I said, "I'll have that man know this is the first time I've ever dropped something." I turned around satisfied and then dropped the tray again. The guy was in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 438

You deserved it 2 041

swervelol tells us more.

swervelol 28

Monday 23 January 2017 13:51

Haha oh gosh this was my FML. To clarify yes I am experienced I have worked there for 8 months so far which was a few more months experience than the server in the FML, and I'm practically a veteran there as most of our staff leave in a few months I was in a bit of a rush because we were busy and while it isn't my job to bus tables for the servers I do it to help them out so I was a little peeved that this server would say something like that to a customer when I had been cleaning most of his tables for him. It was pretty funny and I went over to the customer and we had a good laugh about it.