The Top

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By housematefromhell - 21/07/2018 21:29

Today, my housemate revealed her supposed loss of function of her arm was all a lie. I spent hours in the ER with her and had to go to work the next day. Last time she lied about cancer. I'm stuck sharing with her for another 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 761

You deserved it 395

Revelations

By pey - 21/05/2020 14:00

Today, my boss told me I had to fire my co-worker. I didn't want to do it, but I didn't want to lose my job. I told my co-worker that the boss said we had to let him go. He told me that he had sex with my wife. My wife didn't deny it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 678

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 200

You deserved it 31 145

Asshats everywhere

By 404 justice not found - 21/04/2016 19:15 - United States - Whitehall

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 336

You deserved it 1 570

Mismanagement

By GaymerLink - 12/08/2018 23:30

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not meeting my sales goals and is sending me to a two week training program. I don’t work in sales. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 171

You deserved it 164

By She totally did not cheat - 15/08/2018 22:00

Today, for our third anniversary, I gave my fiancée a necklace she always wanted. She gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 369

You deserved it 297

By fuck's sake - 16/04/2016 10:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 095

You deserved it 2 098

Gross

By ew - 12/04/2016 17:53 - United States

Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 152

You deserved it 3 070

By nekkidness - 21/11/2012 21:06 - United States - Carthage

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 559

You deserved it 39 029

Dress you up

By NotTheFavoriteChild - 03/04/2016 16:53

Today, I asked my mom if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me today. She reluctantly said, "I guess…" I showered, shaved, and did my hair and makeup. When I came downstairs, she hadn't even brushed her teeth yet. "I'm just lacking motivation to go," she said. Glad you're so excited too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 498

You deserved it 1 622

Life hacks

By Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 492

You deserved it 80 918

By Anonymous - 06/09/2018 15:00

Today, my girlfriend turned down my marriage proposal because the ring I gave her was bigger than the one her sister got at her proposal. Apparently she wouldn't be able to brag to her sister without "looking like a bitch for having a bigger ring". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 277

You deserved it 287

By NotAnUglyBaby - 22/03/2016 22:40 - Mexico - Córdoba

Today, while vacationing, a small boy asked to see the baby I was holding, wrapped in a blanket. I showed him, and his face reflexively scrunched up. The boy's mother came and apologized to me. Her face scrunched up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 372

You deserved it 1 934

Just a prank, bro

By unlucky dudebag - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw while wearing hockey masks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 331

You deserved it 4 752

By Anonymous - 10/03/2016 01:46 - United States

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 456

You deserved it 2 816

By Elsine - 02/10/2018 13:30

Today, after having to move home with my parents because I'm broke and can't seem to find a job, my mom found out I'm on anti-depressants. She and my dad will no longer be helping with money because she doesn't like "drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 318

You deserved it 260

By twofade - 24/10/2018 23:00 - United States

Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 842

You deserved it 342

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 00:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 926

You deserved it 2 441

By susiedoggles - 05/11/2018 08:00 - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 033

You deserved it 315

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 02:16 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, my now ex-boyfriend accused me of wanting to screw his 11-year-old brother, all because I expressed interest in going to his birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 168

You deserved it 1 654

By independant - 08/11/2018 08:30 - United States - Corvallis

Today, my son turned 18. He now calls me by my first name instead of "dad" and refuses to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 771

You deserved it 570

By itsjustemcee - 02/02/2016 03:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years and I went to visit my 85 year-old grandmother at the hospital. While I went to the restroom, she apparently told him about a guy I was seeing on the side. I have no idea who she's talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 594

You deserved it 1 626

Bad boy

By Nebraskawreck - 22/11/2018 13:30

Today, my husband left our untrained puppy out of its kennel when he left for work. I got home and all of the baby books my parents just bought for us that were on the coffee table in a backpack were completely destroyed, along with the bag, and parts of our wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 683

You deserved it 414

By Anonymous - 12/09/2012 07:00 - United States - Valencia

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 609

You deserved it 4 566

**** me, I guess

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was fired. Not only was I fired with no warning, not only was my friend the one who fired me, but I was fired from the unpaid volunteering position I took to help her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 788

You deserved it 2 306

Fight yoga, try stress

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Craig

Today, I'm so unused to physical activity that I got exhausted and fell asleep on my yoga mat not even halfway through the DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 247

You deserved it 5 565

By Going to work naked tomorrow - 11/12/2018 04:00 - United Kingdom - Northallerton

Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 239

You deserved it 230

By Embarrassed wife - 21/12/2018 14:00

Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 1 302

Hygiene police

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 881

You deserved it 17 025

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 22:33 - United States - Washington Crossing

Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 829

You deserved it 7 489

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The Top

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 284

You deserved it 2 655

Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping a customer load a desk into his vehicle and he decided to answer his cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 812

You deserved it 2 527

Today, needing some new music, I logged on to YouTube and clicked "Like" on a few different tracks I enjoy, hoping to spark some good suggestions from the algorithm. My “Personal Mix” now consists of boring, generic techno remixes, with videos showing 100% half-naked women and fast cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 381

Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 998

Today, I had a job interview. It went rather well and I was sure they would hire me. I put in my two weeks notice at my current job and told my boss to suck a dumpster of dick. I then get an email saying they “won’t be moving forward” because my Threads and Instagram don’t “align with the company values.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 1 606

Today, I found out that the car I got a great deal on a few days ago, needs a new transmission. I'm now the proud owner of a very large and very expensive paperweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 066

You deserved it 6 647