The Top

OP here. Last night's 10 year old gossip included who's farts smell the best and what night the "neighborhood meeting" should take place in the treehouse. It isn't the visual privacy that's the issue, it's the sound. I can hear them whispering, but so far it's been pretty entertaining and they're called inside by 9pm. But they're guaranteed to get a soundbite when my boyfriend visits this weekend.... ;) Wish I could share a photo.

Weddings from hell

By happybride - 13/04/2018 01:30

Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 674

You deserved it 396

By sassy666 - 23/04/2018 19:00 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I checked my e-mail after being sick for over a week to see that I missed an important email. It said I got the job I applied for, if I responded to the message within 48 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 509

You deserved it 1 963

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 20:18 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 251

You deserved it 5 878

By Oreo - 10/05/2016 08:58

Today, my dad and stepmom came back from a very expensive two-month trip across the world. When they got home, they had more gifts for their cat than for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 603

You deserved it 1 964

By Anonymous - 12/07/2018 15:00 - India

Today, I missed the bus. I ran to the metro station in 45°C heat, slipped on dog shit, and fell face-first onto a staircase, breaking my glasses and front left tooth. As I tried to get up, my bag got stuck on the railing and tore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 758

You deserved it 316

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 17:11 - United States - Ames

Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able to take a solid crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 473

You deserved it 1 785

By tellyc - 26/04/2016 02:36 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, once again someone pointed out how much my brother and boyfriend look alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 536

You deserved it 2 676

tellyc tells us more.

tellyc 27

Tuesday 26 April 2016 21:54

Hi guys! This is my FML. Basically whenever someone new meets my boyfriend or sees my brother they always comment how much they look alike. Recently every time I see my boyfriend from afar I think he's my brother so it freaks me out just a little bit. Glad to hear it's not really uncommon!

By Walmart Associate - 27/08/2018 03:30

Today, I was accused of being a "racist whore" at work. I'd only asked a man if he needed help finding anything, as that is part of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 623

You deserved it 178

Awkward...

By Ohnowhy - 09/09/2018 18:30

Today, I moved in with my friend and her husband so we can be roommates during school. Today is also the day they decided to get a divorce. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 023

You deserved it 264

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 15:34 - United States - Pomona

Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 237

You deserved it 2 581

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 15:00 - United States

Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 635

You deserved it 3 660

Busting makes me feel good

By NotASquirrel - 12/03/2016 05:29 - United States - Bronx

Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 959

You deserved it 1 299

By nobody - 28/02/2016 01:36 - United States - Petaluma

Today, my best friend said we couldn't be friends anymore because I'm too depressed or too happy all the time. After explaining for half an hour what bipolar depression was and how I have it he just said, "Bullshit!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 951

You deserved it 1 738

By B-377 - 23/10/2018 17:30 - United States - Sarver

Today, I was walking around my block when a random stranger pulled up next to me. He assumed I was a woman, and started catcalling me. I'm a 34-year-old man with a wife and kids, and my hair isn't even long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 003

You deserved it 252

By in debt - 01/11/2018 13:30

Today, a tree fell on our 3-month-old family car. Today, I also learned that my husband never insured it. It's probably scrap, and we still have to pay it off for the next 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 079

You deserved it 571

By AV - 30/01/2016 10:30 - Bulgaria - Tsaratsovo

Today, a car backfired as I waited for my bus and I screamed, thinking I'd been shot. The only thing more humiliating than that was the pissy underwear I had to go back home to change out of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 114

You deserved it 6 048

By hahagirl - 12/09/2012 05:40 - United Kingdom

Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 458

You deserved it 34 896

By 221bcompanion - 18/01/2016 05:18 - United States - Massillon

Today, I put more effort into getting and keeping my Sims onto a good sleep schedule in order to properly take care of their needs than I did for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 745

You deserved it 7 705

Who is this?

By CharlieKearney - 10/01/2016 23:33 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, the guy I made out with on New Year's Eve finally called me. Too bad it was to blame me for the picture of us which someone had sent to his girlfriend. I never took a picture, and had no idea he was in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 246

You deserved it 1 934

Is this seat taken?

By sochunky - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bromham

Today, someone had thrown up onto the last remaining seat on the train. Guess who accidentally sat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 598

You deserved it 3 524

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Russellville

Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 833

You deserved it 271

A Natural Snack!

By Anonymous - 21/02/2017 00:00 - United States - Charles City

Today, my husband argued with me for an hour, because he believed that loaded potato skins grow naturally on a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 917

You deserved it 803

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 13:37 - United States - Palmer

Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 750

You deserved it 2 659

By oh for f*cks sake - 20/03/2017 12:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 845

You deserved it 422

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 921

You deserved it 2 278

Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 312

You deserved it 2 686

Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 621

You deserved it 9 336

Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas gift. She opened it and decided she liked it so much she should have it. I got hot rollers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 778

You deserved it 2 741

Today, I was on my phone while it was charging. My hands fumbled a bit, and my phone slipped out of my fingers. Thinking quickly, I grabbed it by the charging cable to save it. The cable unplugged, and my phone now has a pretty crack on the screen from hitting the tile floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 371

Today, I found out that my brother has been stealing money from me for the past five months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 107