The Top

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Time sensitive

By Landin - 13/05/2025 00:00 - United States - Vernal

Today, my girlfriend left me at 11pm after leading me on for 5 months, all because she lost interest. I wasted so much time, money, and emotions on her, and never received them from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 287

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 10:57

Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 166

The truth is out there

By Anonymous - 15/05/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband is upset because somewhere out there, on a long forgotten social media site, is a picture of me mooning my geography teacher's house. He doesn’t like that my ass is on the internet. It’s a 30 year-old pic, out of focus, taken on a damn flip phone, and you can’t even see my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 153

By Me - 31/05/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, while at work, a rather large woman came in and ordered a cheeseburger. When asking if she would like to supersize it, she took her purse, smacked me, and told me she wasn't fat, and how rude I was for calling her supersized. I was just doing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 333

You deserved it 4 732

By jina - 18/03/2009 03:48 - Korea Republic of

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 087

You deserved it 65 169

Jumping the gun

By Anonymous - 16/11/2023 16:00

Today, my wife ruined the gift I got for our 10 year anniversary by opening a package that was clearly addressed to me, finding the custom made necklace, and started wearing it straight away. I didn’t even know it had been delivered yet and boom, right there on her neck two weeks early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 118

Not for everyone

By lol - 16/05/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, on a whim, I decided to try parkour. I climbed a chain link fence and fell off, right onto my face. Then the owner of the property shouted at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 766

Fashionable disorders

By julia - 27/07/2022 22:00

Today, my eleven-year-old daughter complained that she has "no serotonin.” I fear what is to come for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 200

By fedemere - 28/05/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 950

You deserved it 4 692

Awkwaaaaaaard

By Noname - 16/03/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so I tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 265

You deserved it 123 099

You can't say anything anymore

By Anonymous - 21/05/2025 12:00 - United States - York

Today, after months of saying I wanted to kill myself, someone finally reported me. I can't go back to school until I see a therapist who has to approve my going back to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 813

By Speedy - 20/07/2010 13:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 652

You deserved it 41 067

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 420

You deserved it 32 323

Planning

By holly - 18/07/2010 14:18 - Germany

Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 092

You deserved it 20 212

Antiques Roadshow

By Anonymous - 25/11/2023 12:00

Today, my brother inherited a book from our grandmother that, in his ignorance, he donated to a charity shop because he’s “not a big reader”. I raced to buy it back, but someone had already bought it. The book in question: a mint condition, 1954 first edition Lord of the Rings, valued at £5000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 105

Gimme more

By Anonymous - 27/05/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally got the call from HR telling me I passed the interview and will get a permanent position, doing the same job I already do. Then they continued to say that if I accept, my pay will be cut to match “other employees pay”. I barely make it on what they are paying me now. I also have a Master's degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 95

Armchair psychologist

By Mom - 27/11/2023 07:30

Today, I spent yet another lunch venting to my best friend about how much I hate my teenage son's girlfriend, thinking he should be with someone less outspoken. Apparently she got tired of listening because she eventually snapped, "Oh for god's sake, just admit you want to fuck your son already!" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 1 335

By thenewgirl29 - 01/03/2013 05:21 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I texted my boyfriend a cute picture that I drew for him, with a little note saying "love you." He replied by sending me a picture of a nose hair he'd plucked, along with the caption, "longest one yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 966

You deserved it 4 300

thenewgirl29 tells us more.

thenewgirl29 20

Friday 1 March 2013 19:29

I am OP. I have known the guy for 7 years and the pic was something my son and I drew for him. haha just seemed like an odd response

By Anonymous - 24/05/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, my boss contacted me to come in for a quick meeting. I drove 30 minutes to get to work only to find out she was firing me and wanted my key card back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 008

You deserved it 2 930

Nice try

By No.Life. - 14/07/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, I decided not to go on Facebook so people would actually think that I have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 545

You deserved it 32 595

Take it easy

By KittyT - 02/12/2023 00:00 - Australia

Today, on the third day of my first holiday ever, I still have food in my stomach from the first night. Yesterday I tried to walk up the beach and ended up crying in immense pain. I guess a holiday wasn't such a great idea after being diagnosed with gastroparesis a couple of weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 167

Had any calls lately?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 1 428

Pest control

By Anonymous - 04/12/2023 16:00 - Canada - Quebec

Today, I finally fixed the flickering light in my office by tapping it with a broom. Turns out, it wasn't actually the light but a family of squirrels having a some sort of disco party in the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 103

Switch 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 08/06/2025 22:00

Today, I found my boyfriend playing games when we have 5 million things to do, but the bastard picked me up, put me in the hall, shut the door in my face, and barricaded it with the sofa. I texted him, threatening to break up unless he opened the door; he texted back to leave my key behind when I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 709

On the run

By broussimousse - 10/03/2009 20:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 073

You deserved it 32 646

Terminally online

By Anonymous - 13/08/2022 10:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I came home to see my dad sitting in his car. I thought it'd be fun to sneak up on him. He was filming himself on his phone, ranting about "fighting like hell" and "a storm coming." He had his baseball cap on backwards, probably because the front had the name of our town in Wales on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 162

Exploitation

By Anonymous - 08/06/2025 09:00 - United States - Baldwin Park

Today, our boss told me and her other salaried staff, "There is literally no problem this office faces that can't be solved by you all working after hours and on weekends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 73

By kaileigh10 - 18/05/2011 03:04

Today, I threw a surprise birthday party for my 3 year old. There was music, snacks and lots of toys. My 3 year old is a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 049

You deserved it 50 613

kaileigh10 tells us more.

kaileigh10 2

Wednesday 18 May 2011 21:00

I agree! How is a baby going to change my life. that was a stupid suggestion.

Red alert

By Life With Cats - 15/08/2022 22:00

Today, I kept hearing big *THUD* sounds across the house. The first few times, I didn't think anything of it. But after several more times, I started to suspect there was an intruder. After sneaking through the house, ready to knock out whomever was there, I found out it was my cat pushing things off the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 252

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog

By Anonymous - 11/06/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, it's been a year since I met a guy online. We clicked almost immediately. Eventually we started dating, after proving who we are through many sources. Turns out he lied about his age after he conspired to make sure I was 100% in love with him before telling me the truth. He's legal but the age gap is uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 128

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I mentioned to my girlfriend that I'd sent in a job application after she went home. In front of her parents. Who thought she'd stayed the night at a friend's place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 374

You deserved it 8 881

Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 125

You deserved it 4 294

Today, I was told by my wife that she was moving in with her mother, because I was causing her to have panic attacks. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me, but she needs a few months to herself. I have given her her way for most of our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 333

Today, my dream job became open at a moment when I'm looking for a change. They require video editing experience, which I have from an old position at a place known for its uncooperative and incompetent leadership. Guess which job threw all my published work into a bottomless pit when I left? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 225

Today, my phone thought my armpit was my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 203

Today, a first date had gone surprisingly well. We spent two hours talking, laughed at the same dumb jokes, and even agreed to meet again. Walking home, I texted my best friend, "I think I actually like this one." Unfortunately, I sent it to my date instead. His response was, "Good to know I'm 'this one.'" FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 414