The Top

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Noise annoys

By Anonymous - 21/06/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I’ve been at my new house for a week. My new neighbour’s dog barks non-stop all day, and their newborn baby cries non-stop all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 130

Innocence

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 11:01

Today, my mom mentioned that she doesn’t think she’s gonna let my baby sister believe in Santa. When I mentioned that I believed in Santa growing up, she casually replied with, "Yeah, well you were slow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 144

By waytootan - 22/08/2011 20:34 - United States

Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 043

You deserved it 3 135

By Disappointed - 31/10/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, at school I pulled my bicep muscle arm wrestling. I lost. He was 14. I'm the 23 year old security guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 508

You deserved it 9 832

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 10:00

Today, I got a verbal warning at work for "having a resting bitch face." I had a headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 105

By Oh dear - 05/07/2012 22:15 - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines - Kingstown

Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 640

You deserved it 2 737

Natural selection

By Anonymous - 29/11/2024 20:00 - Canada - Minnedosa

Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 430

By Anonymous - 16/06/2013 16:14 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my estranged father, with whom I haven't spoken in years, called me and demanded to know where his Father's Day gift was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 602

You deserved it 3 381

By insideout - 10/05/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 495

You tried

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, my colleague was wearing a beautiful dress. I decided that I had to go over and compliment her. As I walked over, my coffee cup flew out of my hand and onto said dress. She had to go home and change, and my boss had to cover for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 466

Lost weekend

By Staypositiveforwhat? - 06/05/2022 04:00

Today, after all the effort to book a weekend away to a wine farm, the airline has been grounded, and the accommodation refuses to give us a refund. Also, the other airlines have tripled their prices, so it is not feasible for us. So now we have to consider doing a 17-hour drive each way for a two night stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 114

Sorority

By New mom - 01/12/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I am five days postpartum and my sister came over to see me. After she refused to help me with dishes or do the laundry or grab dinner, I angrily asked why she even came. She replied, "Uh… to meet the baby? You're not entitled to my help, you know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 758

Scythe control

By Auntie Katrina - 07/07/2026 03:00 - Philippines

Today, I caught three burglars in our house. I screamed, trying to get my husband and adult son to wake up. The burglars fled, badly wounded after being fought off by my skinny nine year-old niece with two gardening sickles. My muscular husband and overweight son were both still in bed, pretending to be asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 95

Hang in there

By ouch - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 827

You deserved it 4 995

By buggedout - 25/11/2009 08:24 - United States

Today, I realized that when the pest control man said that we may see a few more bugs in the next few days, what he meant was "your kitchen will be covered in them." It's the day before Thanksgiving and I have several people invited over for the Holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 168

You deserved it 2 891

Roll with it

By Anonymous - 02/07/2023 12:00 - United States - Ballwin

Today, my new girlfriend and I finally did the deed. I also realized today that I have a strange kink. An outie belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 284

Alcoholics of the world, get help

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 02:01

Today, I know my life is awesome when my partner and I have to plan watching movies and having sex around his drinking schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 256

Late stage capitalism

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 12:00

Today, my wife’s business has failed in its first year. She blames the government, despite me telling her no one is going to work for her when she only offers minimum wage, one week unpaid vacation, two months maternity and one week paternity, no overtime rates, and a pay-to-use staff car park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 179

You're not alone

By Anonymous - 12/07/2026 15:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I'm a recovering self-harm addict (yes, that’s a thing). I’ve been doing well for years, but lately I’ve had intense urges to hurt myself by biting or scratching. I know the urges would go away if I acted on them, but I don’t want to hurt my family by hurting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 76

Hat Up

By Anonymous - 30/01/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my partner was sent 450 miles away by the army, after he had been home for only 22 hours. Yesterday they told him he could come home for two weeks. I guess the British army doesn't want me to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 230

Obstacles

By Anonymous - 06/07/2023 12:00 - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, I'm halfway through of packing my stuff as we are moving to another flat. I discovered that I got chickenpox, which means that I should do no hard physical work. I've got a fever and a headache. It started raining in the morning, so loading stuff to truck is going to be so much fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 138

Speech patterns

By Anonymous - 07/12/2024 00:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, I realized I’ve been saying “a whole nother” instead of “a whole other” my entire life. It wasn’t until my friend pointed it out with a smirk I’ve been speaking in an alternate universe. He was also the one to point out last year that my use of "like" every three words was "annoying and cringe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 501

By danjoylovefun - 25/10/2010 00:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 646

You deserved it 3 489

Tactful

By petlover - 23/11/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I had to put my 17 year-old cat down. I cried the whole way up to the vet's office and back. After finally coming to terms with the situation, and trying to forget, my dad's friend walks up to me and says, "So, I heard you killed your cat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 253

You deserved it 3 876

How can I make this about me?

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 06:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, my sister announced that she just got engaged… right as I was in the midst of giving birth to my twin daughters. The thing is, she's not actually engaged. In fact, she's single. She just couldn't stand that I was "upstaging" her and "had to think of something fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 112

Dementia or hate? You decide

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 11:01

Today, I spent an hour listening to my mother-in-law go over the details of how happy my husband was at his wedding, while she went through the photo album and stared at the pictures. The wedding with his first wife. I spend several days each month with her taking care of her, and she does this kind of thing every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 449

You deserved it 229

Gooner

By Anonymous - 15/12/2024 20:00

Today, I had to teach my son to use private browsing because his porn keeps appearing in the search history. It worked, it’s no longer in the history, but he has added his favourite videos as tabs on the favourites bar. Either he’s a bigger idiot than I thought or he’s doing it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 165

Spotted it

By dollabill009 - 06/06/2013 08:49 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large muscular man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 304

You deserved it 8 566

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:27 - Canada

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 598

You deserved it 51 138

Cutting corners

By givemestrength - 14/08/2014 10:31 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss expects me to conduct a meeting with a client, give him all the info he needs, and manage his campaign. This is because he fired the "expensive" marketing director and wants me, the intern, to continue his work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 552

You deserved it 3 290

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The Top

Today, I was small talking with an elderly man, who told me that nobody cares about him. Even though I had only known him for an hour, to try and make him feel a little better I told him I care about him. He then called me a creep, stomped his cane onto my foot, and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 005

You deserved it 7 221

Today, I'm sitting at home, alone, playing video games. My wedding is tomorrow afternoon. None of my bridesmaids wanted to hang out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 646

You deserved it 4 864

Today, my girlfriend left me for my sister. I can't stop thinking about all those days they went out alone for "girl time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 677

You deserved it 3 879

Today, I went to the home of a guy I was talking to on Tinder to hook up. His wife answered the door and invited me in. She wanted to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 527

You deserved it 2 946

Today, I took my mother grocery shopping. From the opposite end of the snack aisle, she yelled, "They don't have my darkies! Ya know how I like my darkies!” She was talking about dark pretzels. I don’t think the appalled black couple next to me knew that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 645

You deserved it 307

Today, I ran to hug my mom at the airport, but when I stepped back, I realized I was hugging a total stranger who just so happened to be wearing the same coat as her usual coat. She smiled awkwardly as I backed away and said, “Sorry, I thought you were my mom.” The next level of embarrassment came when I looked up and saw my actual mom staring at me in horror from a few feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 437