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By cereal mom - 07/07/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that my ex let my son eat nothing but cereal and milk for every single meal during his five-day visit. Now my son shrieks, cries, and has a meltdown if I try to make him eat real food. My ex merely replied, "Your problem now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 080

You deserved it 454

By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 03:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Spicy

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 807

You deserved it 71 905

By an adorable devil - 21/03/2016 06:52 - United States - Houston

Today, my new bunny decided she is only going to eat carrots. If I put anything else in her food bowl, she viciously attacks the bowl until all of the food has spilled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 719

You deserved it 2 107

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 16:39 - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I had a heart attack. At the hospital, the doctor compared my heart to a stressed out 60 year-old's heart. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 247

You deserved it 1 950

It's getting hot in here

By cold-n-stinky - 12/01/2010 06:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said, "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 228

You deserved it 9 552

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 08:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 998

You deserved it 2 862

By UniStudi - 23/12/2018 14:00

Today I sent a message out to a support group to get and give support following a sexual assault, the person who responded and was giving advice was the person who assaulted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 798

You deserved it 199

By anon - 17/12/2015 18:45

Today, I had to explain to someone in my class who Gandhi really was and that he was not a fictional goblin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 656

You deserved it 1 658

Fun times

By workhoe - 19/02/2017 18:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said, "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 047

You deserved it 1 781

By adopted apparently - 23/03/2019 12:00

Today, I found out the joke I’ve been telling for 15 years is true. I am adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 384

Unexpected

By bruh - 28/03/2017 20:00

Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. Instead of saying yes, she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 938

You deserved it 350

By DogDays - 31/03/2017 14:00

Today, the only member of our family who can get health insurance is our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 820

You deserved it 432

By Momo8612 - 21/04/2017 12:00

Today, while shopping for groceries, a small child pointed at my face and exclaimed : "DOGGIE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 711

You deserved it 307

WTF ref'?!

By SaltIsReal - 25/04/2017 00:00

Today, after winning the first set for school tennis championship, the losing side refused to shake hands with my team. We ended up getting disqualified from the championship by the referee for bad conduct, even though it wasn't our fault. We told the referee what happened, and he said, "Suck it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 750

You deserved it 346

By anonymous - 14/10/2016 03:46 - United States - Manchester

Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 860

You deserved it 1 297

It's called lepidopterophobia and it's no joke!

By FML Approved - 29/07/2017 18:30

If you ever come to a point in your life where you begin to think your fear of spiders is ridiculous, remember there are people out there who are afraid of butterflies.

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 223

By JAMjessie - 20/09/2016 16:54 - United States

Today, I found out that my boss's ex-husband is my company manager. They are one office space apart and constantly shouting about one another. I'm in that one office space between them. In the office across from me? Their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 416

You deserved it 883

By Nicky13Na - 12/09/2017 23:15

Today, I hit the six-year mark for daily vomiting. All the doctor can say is that it's psychological. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 204

You deserved it 312

By oneloveliz - 17/09/2017 23:15

Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 502

You deserved it 1 582

All bunged up

By Buzz - 01/10/2017 13:00

Today, I've been caffeine-free for 2 weeks. It's turned me into a constipated angry bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 078

You deserved it 755

Riverdale is a lie

By that1summergirl - 19/09/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend at 2 a.m., telling him I couldn't sleep. He replied, "Well, I can," and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 3 006

By abygalee - 10/07/2016 20:42 - United States - Akron

Today, my mom hadn't talked to me for 5 days, so worried sick I called my grandpa. She's been in jail, and no one cared to inform me. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 035

You deserved it 724

By AverageAvarice - 07/07/2016 20:09 - United States

Today, after 22 hours running around the hospital, I found some time to sit still and have a sandwich. My attending physician walked by and commented that I must not have enough work to do. The same person who 12 hours ago said finding time to eat was a skill, since I was eating on the go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 676

You deserved it 652

AverageAvarice tells us more.

AverageAvarice 23

Sunday 10 July 2016 1:17

Hey this is OP, I know a lot of people are not familiar with the hours residents must work. I work an 80 hour week. 12-24 hour shifts 4-5 days a week. I must take a break every 16 hours but it's usually every 12. I have a locker with blankets, clothes etc. I sleep in the doctor's lounge and shower in the locker room. I'm on 24 hour call for the ER this month and since anything can happen at anytime I'm constantly being called for something while on break (when ever I'm eating). It's really not bad once you get used to it, I can sometimes squeeze in a couple hours of sleep at the end of a twelve hour period, do some studying then clock back in. Adrenaline wakes me up in serious situations. My attending physician is a nice person but really brutal with their assigned work-load. I must work long hours so I can observe the full conditions of the patients assigned to me.

By 1sasafras1 - 17/06/2016 04:01 - United States - Jonesborough

Today, while I was lifeguarding a swim meet with over 100 patrons, a duck paid a visit to our pool. He sat down and a brown cloud surfaced in the water. He immediately flew off. My manager then made me put goggles on and scoop out the poop while everyone watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 701

You deserved it 914

1sasafras1 tells us more.

1sasafras1 9

Friday 17 June 2016 21:39

Yup. Just the skimmer net under water. The location made us unable to use the pole with the skimmer attached

By NowBubbleWrapSucks - 27/05/2018 20:30

Today, my mom went into a full war against dirt and plastic-wrapped our entire house. The floor, furniture, even our feet now have to be covered in plastic. Everything squeaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 611

You deserved it 260

Got likes on the mind

By Yeahyeahyeah - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, while at a family gathering, my teenage sister-in-law felt the need to loudly point out, several times, that her selfie got more 'likes' than my pregnancy announcement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 409

You deserved it 979

Missed opportunities

By say what?! - 10/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, I got a text from a female friend saying, "So bored, come over, let's fuck.” Knowing her sense of humor, I laughed it off and sarcastically replied, "On my way!” About an hour later, I got a message from her husband asking what was taking me so long. They really wanted a threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 108

You deserved it 537

Parasites

By Anonymous - 16/06/2018 15:00

Today, after massive bouts of diarrhea, vomiting, and doctor visits lasting weeks, I finally got a diagnosis… from my puppy's vet. I got Giardia from my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 365

You deserved it 386

MILs gonna MIL...

By newestallen - 09/08/2018 23:30

Today, I married the love of my life, which was meant to stay secret until we can afford a ceremony. I opened Facebook to see that my hubby’s mom made a post about it, called me her new daughter-in-law, and tagged me. All 3 things we specifically asked her not to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 834

You deserved it 491

By Anonymous - 22/08/2018 20:30 - United States - Missoula

Today, I found out that I was misdiagnosed with ADHD 10 years ago and instead have bipolar disorder. For the last 10 years I have been taking meds that helped me focus on my manic / depressive state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 010

You deserved it 198

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Today, I collected my students' final essays. One of them submitted a printout of a screenshot he took with his phone. Too bad a browser address bar was still in the shot, along with a "click to read more" link at the bottom. My students are too dumb and lazy to even plagiarize properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 652

You deserved it 4 868

Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 405

You deserved it 47 385

Today, my dad borrowed my new iPad to amuse him while he was in the shower without my knowledge. The iPad is now completely ruined, and my dad is refusing to buy me a new one. He says, "How was I to know that it wasn't waterproof?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 964

You deserved it 3 869

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 971

You deserved it 15 826

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. He got on top and started kissing my ear when a warm liquid went down my neck. My boyfriend had a gushing nosebleed, which went threw the pillowcase and the pillow. I got cockblocked by a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 178

Today, I accidentally spilled water on my pants, and my crotch got soaked. To make things worse, I was in class at the time, and I had to walk home afterward. On top of that, I had to pass through a mall, and there were so many people staring at me the whole way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 125