The Top

I didn't enter the raffle on purpose! It was a work event, and they gave us a ticket when we came in the door without telling us exactly what it was for. They had us rip them in half and keep one, then put the other in a container. I thought it was for attendance, or the food, or something. Then, toward the end of the event, they started drawing tickets and calling out the numbers on them for various prizes.

Shorty-Greasy Spot-Spot

By GreaseNose - 25/09/2019 14:00

Today, while studying with the girl I like, I rested my face on my book, pretending to be frustrated. When I lifted my head, I realized I'd left a greasy spot on the page from my nose. She noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 594

Pissed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 729

You deserved it 6 586

By Anonymous - 02/04/2012 02:33 - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a happy birthday was a survey website. I took their stupid survey out of appreciation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 416

You deserved it 2 326

Never assume

By It_gets_better - 19/07/2022 14:00 - United States - Las Cruces

Today, at a family gathering, I gave my toddler my phone to get a moment of peace. After assuring my nosy, judgemental aunt and cousin that I wasn't worried about it because I have dropped it myself numerous times over the last two years, and I trusted the OtterBox phone case it was in, my son dropped and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 959

By nikto - 03/06/2011 01:01

Today, I went speed dating. I arrived at my first date and she looked me up and down and said, "Oh, that's awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 063

You deserved it 3 961

Deez nuts

By I hate my skin - 08/08/2022 21:59 - United States

Today, I have a massive boil on my genitals. I can't move, sit, or do anything without it flaring up. It's basically a constant dull pain on my nuts that gets worse when I move. No, I do not have genital warts, I just have horrible skin problems. This isn't the first time it's happened, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 119

By shield1123 - 29/09/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 357

You deserved it 2 353

Behave yourselves

By DogStew - 16/11/2023 08:00

Today, I got sneezed on by a fully grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 108

Noise pollution

By BRUH imma cut you - 15/05/2025 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was hanging in the street with the boys, listening to some jams on my car's new speaker system. Some asshole from the apartments above me threw a bag of trash at my car. Direct hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 998

With friends like her, who needs money?

By Anonymous - 05/10/2019 22:01

Today, I maxed out my credit card trying to help a friend of over 19 years to go see her family for Christmas, only to find out she changed her mind and doesn’t really want to go. I can’t return the bus tickets, and she’s mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 385

Livin' la vida loca!

By Mike - 07/08/2022 18:00

Today, I realized my life is very similar to my dad’s, except I’m only 55 and he’s almost 80. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 237

By coffee - 07/03/2013 13:44 - United States

Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 055

You deserved it 37 165

By bored2death - 23/07/2010 22:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 272

You deserved it 6 223

By grossgross - 26/09/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 678

You deserved it 5 582

Tracking

By Anonymous - 24/05/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I bought a GPS collar for my adventurous cat. After setting it up and being very curious about what he gets up to when I'm not home, I opened the app and saw his current location marked as “Inside your house.” All day. Groundbreaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 410

By GirlFromAus - 25/09/2009 08:13 - Australia

Today, I had to listen to my mum and grandma planning a funeral for my grandpa. Who isn't dead yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 482

You deserved it 2 708

GirlFromAus tells us more.

GirlFromAus 0

Thursday 22 October 2009 11:28

guys, I am the OP, so listen up... my grandpa wasnt actually aware it was happening he had no say whatsoever he wasnt planning his own, they planned it FOR him, while he wasnt there

By Anonymous - 24/09/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 520

You deserved it 6 526