The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Selective boner

By Anonymous - 11/05/2023 03:00

Today, my wife’s step-sister asked if she could join us in a three way. My wife actually said yes, but we’re both gym addicts so I like toned girls like my wife, so even though her sister is a lovely lady, I'm not going to be able to get a boner for someone 10 stone overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 1 279

All cars look the same these days

By Anonymous - 07/10/2024 06:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I hopped into what I thought was my friend’s car, sat down, and started chatting away about the trip to Vegas we were about to hit the road for. After a few moments of awkward silence, I looked up to see a terrified stranger staring at me. I was very close to getting maced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 538

By hoogimo - 24/11/2010 10:55

Today, after buying my girlfriend a $700 bracelet for Christmas, I hinted that I wanted a pair of Oakleys. She told me I shouldn't get her anything and that I should expect even less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 328

You deserved it 8 696

I don't need to see this

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 02:02 - India - Kaul

Today, I found out that my best friend likes the same person as I do, but she doesn’t know that I'm in love with him, and she keeps sending me their flirty texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 347

Assumptions

By MommyIssues - 16/03/2022 14:00 - United States - Loveland

Today, my boyfriend said that the reason I crave affection so bad is because I’m an only child so I got “all my parents attention”. My mom worked nights my whole life and slept while I was home. I barely got 1-2 hours a week of her attention at the maximum and she usually used that time to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 134

All over the place

By Anonymous - 20/05/2023 12:00

Today, I managed to somehow trip and fall on my back twice within just two hours. My back didn’t hurt the first time, but it sure does now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 128

By Meghan Elise - 02/03/2019 16:00

Today, I found that there were charges of almost 2,000 dollars on my bank account. Some asshole in Florida stole my money. I have bills and that was money I saved to buy myself a new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 416

You deserved it 172

This is fine

By Aaaaaaaah - 13/10/2024 20:00 - New Zealand

Today, I started a new job. As I was introducing myself during the morning get together with the team, I forgot how old I was, and panicked. I ended up saying I was "twenty-fine." I’m 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 331

Triage

By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 05:02 - Germany - Emden

Today, I realised that Gmail has been sending lots of important messages directly into the spam folder, where I never saw them. All were from people who I had either contacted myself, or had regular contact with in the past. One address even had a filter on it, specifying, "Never send it to spam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 916

You deserved it 305

By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 20:59 - United Kingdom - Bedford

Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 469

You deserved it 36 386

By race - 18/11/2010 08:37 - Australia

Today, I was in a meeting and someone behind me sneezed really loudly. As they were doing so, I felt something cold land on my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 695

You deserved it 2 681

Naughty girl

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice, then we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside, she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 083

You deserved it 3 816

Never again

By fat inspiration - 24/02/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out that when my ex needs motivation to go to the gym, she posts a picture of herself in a pair of huge pants with the caption, “NEVER AGAIN!” Problem? They’re my pants, that I'd left at her place after we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 221

Cool moves

By Anonymous - 18/10/2024 12:00

Today, on my first day as a substitute teacher in a high school, I split the seam of my trousers in front of 30 teenagers. I had nothing spare so I spent the rest of the school day with my raincoat tied around my waist hiding it. I’m here for two weeks and already I’ve lost their respect FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 91

Keeping up with the Joneses

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 00:01

Today, in our family group chat, my sister-in-law asked me what I got my new girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. Not long after, my brother called me pissed off about me making him look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 96

Countdown

By Anonymous - 26/05/2023 18:00 - Australia

Today, I took my regular shit, like clockwork. Same time, every single day. Unfortunately, that time is midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 144

By yum - 07/07/2013 05:09 - United States - Sylmar

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 322

You deserved it 4 336

Spooked

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 05:08

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 812

You deserved it 6 785

Not what you think

By Anonymous - 28/05/2023 06:00

Today, I was running late to work so I started getting dressed and brushing my teeth. I got to work 5 minutes late, which is when noticed a toothpaste stain on my shirt. I thought it looked identical to a cum stain, and the worst part was I was wearing black, so it was noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 258

Bad news

By Anonymous - 24/10/2024 09:00 - India - Moradabad

Today, I came to found out that every time my husband told me that he was on "a work trip", he was actually cheating on me with some other bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 77

By Ouch - 22/05/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 456

You deserved it 13 274

Guilty as charged

By Anonymous - 15/03/2022 12:00

Today, my boss asked me to help train his son, so I put him to work cleaning tools covered in oil. He didn’t warn me his son has a violent temper, and would overreact at being asked to work for a living by dumping the bucket of tools on my head, breaking my glasses and concussing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 88

Kitchen nightmare

By McDonald's it is then - 30/05/2023 10:00

Today, getting tired of my usual turkey/tuna salad/chicken sandwiches, I made a pot of soup to take to work for lunch. My girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night to forage for snacks, spilled it all over the floor, and woke me up to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 142

Thanks, I hate it

By awwimanahole - 04/07/2013 05:07 - United States - Palmetto

Today, I needed a change of clothes, so I called my mom. She brought me a grey shirt with a toucan on the front and 'Mexico City' spelled in glitter. I asked her why she would bring me such an ugly shirt, and she started crying. Turns out she'd bought it for me as a present from her trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 652

You deserved it 56 280

By stinky skunk - 05/09/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my dog ran away. It was dark, so I couldn't see very well, but I ran after him anyway. Thinking I had caught up to him, I grabbed him. It wasn't my dog. It was a skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 719

You deserved it 6 208

Join the club

By Anonymous - 01/01/2021 04:56 - United States - Montpelier

Today, for the first time in 8 months, I got laid and it was amazing. Unfortunately, it's kicked my latent sex drive into hyperdrive. Best part? No idea when I might have sex again, so apparently I just have to live with being ragingly horny for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 417

By Anonymous - 06/12/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, I got a birthday present from my boyfriend's mom. It was ProActiv acne solution. He tried to make me feel better by explaining it's because she wants to be able to include me in family pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 222

You deserved it 3 390

Classic switcheroo

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 11:01

Today, I had a movie date planned with a guy. After a polite exchange, we were interrupted by a phone call from his colleague saying they had an emergency that needed his attention. He excused himself to take the call, telling me he wouldn't be long. He drove off and blocked my number the moment he stepped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 148

By willconqueror1 - 22/09/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, coming home from a trip in the mountains, I got a cracked radiator and my car overheated. My dad came to get me, he drove my car and I followed in his. I got pulled over and ticketed for his expired registration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 294

You deserved it 3 509

By bitchimgay - 22/07/2012 16:48 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 157

You deserved it 2 338

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Kids Pregnancy Family Money Birthday Animals Cats Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 434

You deserved it 434

Today, while tidying up my grandmother's fridge, I got to play expiration-date-bingo. The winner was some type of concentrated apple sauce supposed to be used for salad dressings. It expired in 1986. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 91

Today, I was trying to get a girl's attention, because I had a question. I shouted her name. No answer. I shouted again but louder. It wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 775

Today, I recently had open heart surgery and I'm prohibited from pushing, pulling, or lifting anything. My wife goes ahead of me to open doors, carry things from the store, and open my car door. Yes, I do get many mean, judgmental glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 118

Today, I saw a photo of my wife's ex sucking her boobs in her old phone. I'd told her about em, but she appears to have still kept them because it's a year later, and they haven't been deleted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 236

Today, I have MS, and while I was in a grocery store a couple followed me through the store, making fun of my disability and the way I walked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 108