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By birthdaygirl - 16/04/2014 17:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my birthday. The only people who wished me a happy birthday were the ones who saw the "birthday boy" poster my sister plastered around school, which included a photo of me as a kid dressed up as a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 058

You deserved it 4 212

My precious

By Anonymous - 09/06/2011 23:02 - United States

Today, my new iPhone was stolen from my school locker. After canceling my service, sobbing, having my mom yell at the secretary for their lack of security and finally agreeing to change to a private school, I found it in the corner of my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 061

You deserved it 81 336

Policy of truth

By Anonymous - 29/04/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home to my daughter in tears because her dad decided 5 was the ideal age to tell her the chicken, bacon, and mince she eats every day comes from dead chickens, piggies, and moo cows. I now have a vegetarian 5 year-old and I’m seriously worried about malnutrition and stunted growth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 174

By BeatByA9yrold - 12/04/2014 19:59 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 731

You deserved it 4 680

By anal4me - 05/04/2012 20:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got my license. Instead of congratulating me, my buddies created a betting pool for when I get into a serious accident. Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 869

You deserved it 3 839

By jkin47 - 04/08/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 696

You deserved it 4 047

Cat fight

By Mishka - 04/05/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, we got a new kitten, and my older cat is not happy. I just learned that my fiance doesn't interfere when they fight. He says watching my old fat cat chase the kitten is the funniest thing he's seen all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 446

Judgement Day

By Anonymous - 06/05/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was walking through the grocery store with my new baby daughter, when an old woman came up to me and spat, "If you whores would keep your legs together, you wouldn't be a mom at fifteen." I'm eighteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 536

By FaceTime issues - 06/04/2014 06:57 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 073

You deserved it 5 022

Burn baby burn

By Anonymous - 31/07/2022 06:00

Today, I was on the road, driving home. Before I'd headed out, I'd scored six amazing large house plants for free. My kids picked them up for me, and delivered them to my dining room. My husband put them out on the patio for me, in the sun, and burned them. Bye bye $100+ in free plants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 211

By evomadrid24 - 02/06/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 200

You deserved it 2 802

You seem delighted

By Anonymous - 16/05/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom walked into my room without knocking to have a whole conversation about some distant relative's birthday in 3 months time. The whole time I had my bullet vibe still up inside me, so I had to talk to my mom while trying not to react to having an orgasm in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 161

By melonhead77 - 29/03/2012 11:46 - Cyprus

Today, I got so bored that I ordered my DVD drawer from awesomest to non-awesomest. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 950

You deserved it 6 840

Thanks, I hate it

By Andiii - 26/07/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I got a surprise call from LA Fitness saying I've been signed up for a two week pass. It's from my boyfriend. Didn't see this one coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 581

You deserved it 8 602

By itsnotyouitsher - 09/03/2013 06:16 - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my boyfriend left me for a girl I know. She was the girl my last boyfriend left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 916

You deserved it 3 805

Bon voyage!

By greaaaatt. - 25/07/2010 05:45 - United States

Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents' house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Caribbean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 092

You deserved it 2 936

CPTSD

By Made to be miserable - 06/08/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, I realized my parents are pretty much single-handedly responsible for all of the mental illnesses and personality disorders I have now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 279

Too good to be perfect

By Anonymous - 17/11/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, I thought I'd found the perfect parking spot at work for once. Turns out, it was actually perfect for the parade that was scheduled for later in the day. My car got towed to make way for marching bands and floats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 409

Never engage with crazy

By Anonymous - 18/05/2025 09:00 - China

Today, I encountered a madman who threw a bottle at me and hurt me. In a fit of rage, I beat him up, and as a result I was taken to the police station, and ordered to pay compensation for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 361

By homeless - 26/03/2014 23:45 - United Kingdom - Winchester

Today, I found out that, after having moved over 500 miles to begin a post-graduate degree, I'm being kicked out of the house I'm renting. We haven't yet signed agreements. Apparently I "keep the kitchen too clean". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 470

You deserved it 3 657

Such a rush

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Loughborough

Today, at the park, I saw my toddler fall. I rushed over, picked him up, and said, “It’s OK, Mum’s here.” He looked confused. So did his real mum. I had mistakenly grabbed a random child instead of my own in front of everyone. They weren't even wearing similar clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 468

Alexa, play "Mind Games" by John Lennon

By Sleepy - 22/11/2023 07:30 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up to the realization that I had slept through my alarm, missed a crucial work meeting, and dreamt that I was the CEO of a company that manufactured alarm clocks. I now fear that my subconscious is mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 158

Hotly debated topic

By Office Space 2025 - 23/05/2025 22:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, my coworker and I debated whether 100 average dudes could take down one gorilla. He said, "Only if 30 of us are willing to die." I disagreed, so we started working it out, using a whiteboard to do the math… which we forgot to wipe before the next meeting. HR now has us on a watchlist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 502

By wtffireworks! - 26/05/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, at work, there was a police officer waiting for me. Bewildered, I asked what the problem was. Someone had shot fireworks at cars in the parking lot and I was a suspect. Why? Ponytails on men apparently look suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 248

You deserved it 18 534

By knighton16 - 17/07/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, I was brushing my teeth and shaving in the shower. My favorite song came on, and I got mixed up. My tongue and mouth are cut badly now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 147

You deserved it 58 689

Jaded

By Anonymous - 27/05/2025 00:00

Today, after my son got his first girlfriend at 19, a nice girl as well, he broke up with her after 3 days because women are "too much effort", too "expensive", and keep trying to make him "do things." Unbelievable. Three days with a woman turned him into a cynical 65 year-old who's been married for 40 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 24/05/2011 18:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I contacted my biological father, after not speaking to him for some years, as we had a very strained relationship. I received an automated response. It's probably the best conversation we have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 107

You deserved it 3 508

By babygirllxo - 13/07/2010 18:28 - Canada

Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 555

You deserved it 7 173

Alexa, play "All You Need is Hate" by The Delgados

By Heart broken daddy issues - 07/08/2022 04:00

Today, I learned for the first time it's possible to love your children, but not to like them at all. I learned this from my own dad, who told me he will always love me, but he never really liked me much, so now that I've moved out, he doesn't see much reason for us to see each other anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 142

Musical exploration

By Anonymous - 30/11/2023 07:30

Today, after I tried to create the perfect playlist for a road trip, my music app decided to shuffle exclusively between sea shanties and children's nursery rhymes, turning my drive into a surreal musical adventure that left me questioning the algorithm's sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 207

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The Top

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 855

You deserved it 3 726

Today, I'm 5 weeks pregnant and just found out that my boyfriend has such a phobia of holding babies, that he's going to be the one most in need of a diaper change when I give birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 851

You deserved it 6 834

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 578

You deserved it 10 071

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 543

You deserved it 5 041

Today, I kept running into the same guy in every aisle of the supermarket. By the fifth time, I nervously joked, “I guess we’re destined to be soulmates.” He gave me a deadpan look and replied, “I work here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 473

Today, I found out that not only do I have to move to fucking Miami for my dad's work, but my new school doesn't have a hockey team. My parents won't let me stay behind with my grandparents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 117