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Drunk on the job

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 09:00 - United States - Matawan

Today, I was in a rush to get my lunch for work. I quickly opened my fridge to grab it, and accidentally knocked over a beer, spilling a little on my pants. I told myself I'd spray them in the car. I forgot, and when I got into work, someone sat down and commented that they smelled beer. The person was a student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 253

Emotions on shuffle mode

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 22:58

Today, I've been single for years because I felt I could never trust anyone again. I finally opened up to someone, after she told me how much she'd loved me for quite a while. Now she ignores me like I don't even exist. Crash and burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 145

You tried

By thomas - 01/07/2024 20:00 - Australia - Ringwood

Today, a woman came through my drive-thru and ordered a latte, but the bank had closed off her cards and she was short 30 cents in cash. I felt bad, so I paid for her. When I went home, I told my dad what I did, thinking he'd be proud of how he raised me but no, he said I'd wasted my money, and made me feel bad about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 135

By Annabelle - 05/07/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I got a call from my parents that they have decided to get a divorce. My brothers and I just shelled out $5,000 each and spent months planning their 50th Anniversary party that was supposed to be next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 255

You deserved it 3 212

Don't do it

By Anonymous - 07/07/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, even after applying to literally hundreds of jobs a week for the past 6 months, I still can't get a job. Unemployment is almost gone, and I won't be able to afford my medication. I also can't figure out a painless way to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 360

You deserved it 3 824

Fatherhood

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 18:00

Today, and in the month since our son was born, my husband has lost interest in fatherhood entirely. This morning, our son had naptime in the kitchen, while he was also in the kitchen on a 2-hour work call, and according to him that was father-son bonding time just because they were in the same room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 219

Al Pacino over here

By Anonymous - 28/01/2026 12:00

Today, after being a dad to five girls for over 40 years, I finally had a son with my new wife. Too bad I'm 78 years-old and probably won't be around long to enough to enjoy having a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 823

By mikki bee - 30/12/2014 17:24 - United States - Reno

Today, I decided to start jogging and exercising, so I had a wonderful workout before work. Then I broke my foot at work. Goodbye exercising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 168

You deserved it 2 530

Experimentation

By sex ruins friendships - 13/12/2021 11:01

Today, I tried to reach out to my friend after not hearing from her for a while. One night while drinking, we both admitted to being bi-curious and decided to experiment with each other. I thought it was just harmless exploration, but apparently this makes her never want to speak to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 269

Clutter

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 11:38 - Australia

Today, my mum is convinced I'm a hoarder. While I was out of the house, she went through my room and threw out stuff I "don't need." This included $500 worth of textbooks, a flash drive with crucial work on it, and my phone charger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 731

You deserved it 3 084

Edit King

By Cianna - 15/12/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, I dumped my coworker boyfriend because I caught him cheating with another coworker. He reported me for sexual harassment, and showed my boss the consensual texts we shared during our relationship. Turns out he edited them to make it look like I was the one “harassing” him. Sucks to be jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 301

By voyagevoyage - 09/04/2014 22:38 - France - Les Montils

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 670

You deserved it 22 772

Alexa, play "Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 10:58

Today, I've come to terms that I'm only living to work. I'm going to be 25, no friends, never had any experience with women. Been trying all year to meet someone, hasn't worked out at all. Dead end job, school did nothing for me. I literally just exist to work, and have no happy memories at all. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 250

They adopted you

By Mistaken - 01/03/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, I thought I had two cats, an albino and a tuxedo, but apparently I have four. I just discovered that an orange cat and a black cat have somehow gotten into my basement and made themselves at home. There's no way in hell I can afford four cats. Oh, and the cats I actually own hate them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 190

Truth serum

By Jodi - 06/02/2026 22:00

Spicy

Today, my husband was cold and distant towards me for the third day in a row, and I finally demanded an answer. He showed me a video of me drunkenly confessing to him that I don't find him sexually exciting, and that my abusive ex was way better in the bedroom. Fuck, I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 710

By fmlifer - 04/11/2011 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the cheek at school. I missed, and walked away awkwardly. Later on, a teacher stopped me and told me how bad I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 520

You deserved it 9 171

Help!

By nuerrotticc - 06/01/2011 08:58

Today, I had a panic attack at 2 a.m. because someone decided to throw a snowball at my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 580

You deserved it 6 720

Schadenfreude

By Nope she doesn't get another chance - 08/02/2026 20:00

Today, my ex-wife called me crying that the man she left me for has lost interest in her, and all I could do was laugh. I could see from a mile away that he was just a player getting off on stealing someone's wife, but she was so moonstruck she actually believed he loved her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 95

By OverweightTeen - 14/01/2010 06:59 - Canada

Today, I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 989

You deserved it 24 946

By Acneface - 28/06/2009 00:55 - France

Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 193

You deserved it 5 819

Thicker than water

By Anonymous - 31/12/2021 02:00

Today, after hitting hard times and needing a place to stay, I'd asked my sister for help to which she sent me a paragraph-long response about how it would break their lease if they had people live there, leading me to sleep on a friend's couch, I found out our tweaker mom started staying at my sisters and didn't leave for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 187

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 18:22 - United States

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 643

You deserved it 5 393

SHUSH

By Anonymous - 05/03/2023 12:00

Today, I went to see a movie with my mum. She kept asking me questions throughout the entire film, and not necessarily about the movie. I lost my cool when she asked me a bit too loudly for comfort if I regretted being dumped my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 123

By PyroSam - 12/12/2014 18:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend sent Christmas Carollers to my house to tell me he was breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 768

You deserved it 3 019

PyroSam tells us more.

PyroSam 21

Saturday 13 December 2014 10:48

Here's the full story (just saying this is my first FML that has been published. Yay!). First off, we'd had a fight and he'd stormed out of the house. I believe he went out with his friends and got drunk out of his mind, which is probably where the midnight Christmas breakup idea came from. The carollers were surprisingly supportive, and I didn't even have to tip them. The next morning I received a grovelling voice message, which I subsequently ignored. I think I'm done with that relationship now, but hats off to his originality.

By NoMoney4Me - 24/09/2012 10:48 - United States - York

Today, I went for a job interview. Before giving me a tour, the manager pointed to my purse and said, "Better leave that in my office." I didn't know why it was safer in her office than on my shoulder, but I complied. Later, I went to buy coffee and discovered that all my cash was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 846

You deserved it 3 989

By ... - 29/12/2010 15:24

Today, my girlfriend told me that her parents have a bet going on when we are going to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 474

You deserved it 3 400

Close shave

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 20:00

Today, my mom got a new furnace put in because they found out the old one was leaking carbon monoxide. This is six months after I got kicked out because I was sleeping too much, so my mom thought I was using drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 98

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - 25/02/2026 09:00

Today, I surprised my 10-year-old nephew with an invitation to my family's upcoming Disney Cruise for his birthday, since he previously said he wanted to go. He said no. He'd "changed his mind." The ticket is nonrefundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 97

Graceful

By dancer4life - 09/01/2010 03:04 - United States

Today, in ballet class, I was really focusing and actually trying to work hard. I was really getting into the choreography. I was travelling big and leaping long. While going across the floor, again I travelled and leaped… right into the ballet bars and fell over, in front of 35 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 117

You deserved it 6 136

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Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I realised just how grossly out of shape I am, when I started violently sweating, felt light-headed, and almost blacked out. All this from helping my sister shift a sofa from the move-in truck to her living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 728

You deserved it 35 789

Today, I served my good friend and his girlfriend at the restaurant where I work. They did a "dine and dash". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 428

You deserved it 416

Today, I ran out of moving boxes so I used a few garbage bags to pack up my clothes. My new roommate decided to be helpful by putting those green garbage bags in the dumpster. It was garbage day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 356

Today, I discovered my ex has been signing my email up for various newsletters. I knew I was getting a lot of spam, but didn't know why. It became apparent when one of these emails had his name in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 115

Today, my boyfriend and I had the worst fight of our relationship, and I’m not sure we’re going to make it. Why? Because out of all his hobbies and interests that I’ve happily joined in on, I said I had no interest in Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 415

Today, it's been a week since my new boss destroyed our business in less than an hour. His first instruction was, “Fire that old guy who was rude to me.” That old guy was our lead fabrication engineer, with 45 years experience. He took 10 other engineers with him as he left, and most of our repeat customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 111