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Cats hate his mustache

By Rebecca - 19/02/2022 10:00 - Canada

Today, I was on the couch watching Dr. Phil. My cat walked in, took one look at the screen, and immediately backed up into the coffee table in front of me and sprayed with all of his might. Not only was the table hit, but so was I. I guess he’s not a huge fan of Dr. Phil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 328

What should I do?

By Anonymous - 24/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Ona

Today, I got rejected by a girl I was talking to. We had mutual feelings, and I waited a long time for her to be single again. We talked, made out, and now she has gotten into another relationship, acting like she doesn't like me anymore… but still wants to be friends? FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 205

Help wanted…

By lexithepirate - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 290

You deserved it 2 889

Relaxed

By 2old4thiscrap - 08/12/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I'm a 26 year-old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 661

You deserved it 37 210

By Anonymous - 07/12/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 206

You deserved it 5 986

Family man

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 14:01

Today, I always hated not having a boyfriend during holidays, my relatives would always ask me what was wrong with me. I'm married now and my husband always finds a way to skip holiday reunions. My relatives keep on asking me what's wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 200

By tristounette - 12/12/2011 05:45 - Finland

Today, I was crying and telling my boyfriend about my problems. When he suddenly stood up, I thought that he was going to grab me some tissues. Turns out he'd gone to get earplugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 80

Living my best life

By disappointed - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, I got to live my life's dream of going whale watching. Apparently my true life's dream was to get extremely seasick, sunburned to a crisp, and pay $60 to see only seagulls in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 656

You deserved it 4 337

You're my mommy now

By Lissy - 05/01/2021 14:02

Today, and everyday since we got a puppy in March, my husband is jealous of the puppy who follows me everywhere. He was the one that wanted the puppy and now he practically hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 198

By Anonymous - 20/09/2014 15:28 - Sweden - Kung?lv

Today, I looked up my childhood bully on Facebook, hoping she'd gone fat and ugly. Turns out she's drop-dead gorgeous and very successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 160

You deserved it 14 110

By marquez_jasmine - 21/07/2012 15:08 - Canada - Kingston

Today, after feeling a little down about myself and looking for comfort from my boyfriend, he told me that my stretch marks make me look like a tiger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 499

You deserved it 3 728

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I decided to sleep in for 5 extra minutes. Those 5 extra minutes became 55 minutes, which, coincidentally, was roughly the length of the midterm I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 241

Saved

By Harry - 05/12/2009 05:29 - United States

Today, my dad decided to get his friend to help move our old sofa to save money. Its leg got stuck in the doorway, scratched the entire hallway wall, punched a big hole in it, and the other leg made a big dent in our front door. We live in an apartment complex and now have to to pay for everything to be fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 264

You deserved it 6 257

By worthless - 10/11/2010 02:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't wear deodorant and has horrible dandruff, decided to shower for the first time in nearly a week because he got invited out to a bar. He didn't even invite me to go with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 779

You deserved it 39 883

No Gareth Thomas

By Anonymous - 23/03/2022 06:00

Today, my family are really into rugby so I tried out for a local team. It didn't go well, and afterwards I couldn’t find my dad anywhere. It turns out he was so embarrassed by my sheer incompetence, he got in his car and drove away. I had to walk 9 miles home, which isn’t easy in rugby boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 146

Walked into that one

By Anonymous - 13/06/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I told my date she'd look hot as a blonde. She replied saying I'd be hot with a few extra inches. Furious, I yelled at her that I couldn't control my height. She replied that she "wasn't referring to my height." FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 1 014

Fate, up against your will

By Gerry - 03/01/2021 17:03

Today, according to my wife of 30 years, I'm finally old enough that I look, smell, sound and act like my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 119

You're welcome

By Melanie - 07/11/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I felt like surprising my coworkers by bringing donuts. Feeling generous, I got a dozen from the most reputable bakery in town. On my way to the office, I tripped, and the box flew open, scattering donuts everywhere. A group of pigeons swooped in and devoured them before I could recover. I spent $30 on pigeon breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 145

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 038

You deserved it 12 059

By wtfdreams - 17/05/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 92

FML: The Showdown #2

By Louis - 29/03/2017 21:05

Who will be your champion this week?

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 131

Start worrying

By Lissa - 13/01/2021 01:58

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn’t have me as a pinned text message thread on his phone. But he definitely has his female best friend pinned. He even has a cute nickname for her. The girl he says, "Not to worry about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 251

Silver linings

By Butt Hurt - 10/11/2024 15:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I woke up with a big and very painful pimple on the inside of my butt cheek. Because of my Crohn's disease decided to flare up at the same time, my 3 trips to the bathroom at work were only tolerable because I didn't have to deal with rude customers yelling at me for situations I have no control over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 82

Culinary experience

By Jenny - 17/06/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy. I looked at the menu and yelled, "Who puts caramel on onions? EW!" I then learned that "caramelized onion" is not caramel covered onions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 747

By Bostonian - 02/12/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, I told my long distance girlfriend I will be coming half way across the country to visit here since I have not seen her in a month, I gave her my flight information so she could pick me up at the airport. She responded with "That's when The Office is on, can you take a cab?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 595

You deserved it 5 771

By madzlovesgee - 16/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 109

Judas!

By Anonymous - 29/04/2019 14:00

Today, and ever since the booty call I work with became a lead, a position I was guaranteed, he's spread awful, untrue things about me around the office, and now that he's become buddy-buddy with management, they believe him. Don't shit where you eat, kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 2 151

Stuck

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 05:00 - United States

Today, while on my way to deliver aluminum to a customer on top of a really steep hill, there wasn't enough room to do a U-turn without clipping a vehicle. I had to go through some mud, so now the company semi is bumper-deep in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 19:18 - United States

Today, I lost control of my vehicle while driving. The car went off the road, rolled over, and ended up being totaled. The policeman asked me if I was alright and I said I was. He seemed relieved at my answer. Then he handed me a $300 ticket for failing to maintain my lane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 390

You deserved it 6 032

By PntsLessWonder - 01/12/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I left my friend this big Facebook wall comment about how adorable his son is. Just after posting, I read the other peoples' comments and find out that it's his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 198

You deserved it 40 092

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 199

You deserved it 7 067

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot, while whispering, "Jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 151

You deserved it 2 577

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 955

You deserved it 68 081

Today, my husband and I were starting to get freaky. He was rubbing himself on my lady parts and I looked over to my side where my dog was intensely following my man’s junk with her eyes. I laughed so hard I farted, peed myself, and broke a cup in under 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 545

Today, I learnt that I could be happy and free from the negative emotions brought on by my ongoing clashes with my fiancée. All it took were some tears in front of my mum for her to assure me that it's okay to be alone and single, and to do whatever is best for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 214

Today, I had to block my mom on most social media sites because she's continually tagging me in the comments under blatantly fake AI videos, and asking me, "Is this one real??" FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 89