The Top

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How could you?

By Anonymous - 07/10/2022 15:30

Today, my wife made me feel like an asshole for not leaving work to come home because she wasn't feeling good. I'm working at a jobsite 1.5 hours away from home, plus my vehicle wasn't at the jobsite either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423

You deserved it 155

Grooming tips

By love bitten - 14/07/2021 16:01 - Australia

Today, after two months of having a bird, she finally trusts me enough to perch on and even preen me. Unfortunately, it seems she thinks my freckles are lice and she's made it her mission to bite them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 169

Trapped

By Anonymous - 25/09/2022 08:30

Today, I'm realizing the woman I've been in love with for 8 years has become completely disinterested in me. I can't even connect on a basic, "How was your day?" level without her her zoning out or getting lost in her phone, only to apologize when I say something and then not even ask what I had to say. We have 2 kids now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 187

The really significant other

By Anonymous - 30/01/2024 15:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my childhood best friend and I just rekindled. He has literally known me since the day I was born. We spent all of our time together, baths, playing, all of it. We've always been connected. However, in high school, we ran from each other. Now, we found out we love one another but we’re in marriages. I would give up my SO for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 785

Dirty work

By Anonymous - 19/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Bettendorf

Today, I was woken up ungodly early by my dad, who didn't give me even 5 seconds to wake up before barking orders at me to clean the septic tank screen, because it was clogged, but he needed to go to work. Conveniently, he'd already had a shower and "didn't notice" the gurgling toilet until he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 148

Back to square one

By Anonymous - 05/08/2025 09:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was colouring countries on a map on my computer whilst listening to music. I was almost done when, whilst swinging my legs to the beat, my leg caught on the computer’s power cord and pulled it out. I was so caught up in the job I hadn’t saved in a while, so all my progress went up in digital smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 372

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 625

You deserved it 36 103

By niabby - 20/02/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 473

You deserved it 6 870

Hot lava

By Anonymous - 02/10/2022 15:00

Today, after not having coffee for ages, I finally remembered why I stopped drinking it. I literally just shit my pants, and I’m about to start a ten-hour day with 27 fifth graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 290

Overreacting mom striked again

By Im homeless - 06/02/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my mom kicked me out of the house because I missed my curfew and overslept at my boyfriend’s house. She said she’d let me back in on one condition: that I was still a virgin. My boyfriend’s parents won’t let me live with him. I’m currently staying in the Walmart restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 332

By tired individual - 12/01/2014 11:04 - United States - Dickson

Today, trying to get some much needed rest, I heard my neighbors fighting loudly. When they finally quit, they left a DVD on, directly behind my wall: Spongebob, with the menu tune on loop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 235

You deserved it 3 873

By bull-stuff - 18/01/2013 03:48 - United States - Columbia

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 501

You deserved it 2 510

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 22:17 - Canada

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 241

You deserved it 29 491

By Timmah - 31/08/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 282

You deserved it 15 803

Parents react to announcement [GONE WRONG]

By Anonymous - 05/10/2022 00:30

Today, I came out as bisexual while we were in the car. My mom started crying behind the steering wheel, driving at 85 mph. She later told my dad, even though I asked her not to. My dad said, "Give it a month, he'll grow out of it." I realized I was bi 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 398

Toxic AF

By Anonymous - 10/08/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend begged me not to take an amazing promotion at my job. He reasoned that he’d be emasculated and humiliated if he had a girlfriend that outranked and out-earned him. I had to celebrate alone as my whole family lives in another state. Congrats to me but also, FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 116

Please love me

By shite - 10/01/2014 21:46 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 301

You deserved it 5 788

By tomchuq - 30/08/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 673

You deserved it 61 265

Dragons aren't real

By IHaveThePower - 12/10/2022 14:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I had to explain to two different educated adults - one with an IT background and one pure maths Master - that dystopian literature is not an accurate historical record of the Middle Ages. Somebody get STEM majors some humanities… FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 170

By authentic - 18/02/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, my tattoo artist boyfriend of five months gave me my first tattoo in celebration of my 18th birthday. It was supposed to be a heart with my name in script. He spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 889

You deserved it 17 449

And then I go and spoil it all…

By Anonymous - 14/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was ecstatic my autistic son went on a play date. It went wonderfully and my son was happier than he’s ever been. Sadly, the dad was such a damn creep he hit on me every time the kids were out of earshot. I don’t want my son to lose his only friend but the dad makes me so uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 80

Weird request

By EpicOracle - 14/10/2022 18:00

Today, after being apart for three months, my fiancée said the only way she'll take me back is if I send her some of the pictures we took on our first date. I deleted everything when I thought we'd never work out again, so it probably might not work out again, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 469

Classy

By Anonymous - 12/01/2013 20:12 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying, "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 511

You deserved it 5 112

Assumptions

By tigerfiend - 17/02/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the liposuction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 779

You deserved it 5 788

Trash the lot

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 16:00

Today, I was sleeping with my girlfriend on my parents' bed naked, just to wake up to find out she got her period, on fresh, new sheets they bought the other day. As I finished scrubbing it and cleaning, she accidentally left a burning cigarette on the sheets so now it has a burn hole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 2 869

Royal flush

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 18:01 - Australia - Drummoyne

Today, I went for my first eye test ever. Turns out I have astigmatism and need glasses. This is already on top of me already having a hearing aid, having hypertension of my joints, autism, and endometriosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 104

NPC dialogue tree

By ImRaisingADumie - 18/10/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, my son thinks that we’re becoming a dictatorship with a tyrannical government, all because "Kanye West is being attacked for exercising his first amendment rights." I had to explain to him that hate speech is inappropriate, no matter what the Bill of Rights says. He replied, “Facts over feelings.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 884

Misophonia

By Anonymous - 18/02/2024 09:00 - United States - Montgomery

Today, while eating breakfast in a hotel lobby, the woman next to me started playing an obnoxious clip of a baby’s high-pitched crying. The worst part is that my parents refused to let me do anything about it or step away from the loud noise, as they thought it would “embarrass the whole family.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 120

By Anonymous - 01/01/2014 17:47 - United States - New Milford

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 109

You deserved it 9 525

By LXA429 - 12/03/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 884

You deserved it 32 448

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The Top

Today, I bleached my upper lip hair so it wouldn't be visible anymore. At school, for the first time, the guy I like came over to talk to me after class. Just as I thought he was about to ask me out, he told me how weird my "gold moustache" looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 269

You deserved it 2 640

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has been denying me sex isn't because he is scared of someone walking in on us. It's because his blow-up doll pleasures him more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 992

You deserved it 6 086

Today, my father was telling me that one of the benefits about his job was that the family could get discounts, then asked if I'd like some. My dad's a plastic surgeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 062

You deserved it 3 403

Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 289

You deserved it 3 629

Today, I had to tell my boyfriend his dad was sending me inappropriate texts that made me feel uncomfortable. I tried to make him stop, but he kept going until I felt like I needed to tell my boyfriend. Who's now broken up with me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 129

Today, my insane mother struck again. She refused to drive me to my doctor’s appointment for my asthma because the office won’t let her bring her precious doggo inside and it’s too cold to sit in the car with it. No, she won’t leave it at home like a normal person, and no it’s not a service dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 111