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Instadrama

By etahrabayraa - 27/06/2020 08:08

Today, I was stalking a popular girl from my high school's account and my phone went bonkers. It looks like I liked and disliked the same video of hers over and over. I disabled my Instagram account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 1 667

Alexa, play the Christmas album by Low

By Anonymous - 20/12/2022 03:00

Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 203

**** fox hunts

By Anonymous - 25/09/2021 17:01

Today, my husband was arrested because a fox, fleeing from about a billion dogs and rich twats on horses, jumped through our car window, and cowered between my legs. He got out of the car, waded through the dogs, and pulled one of the twats off his horse into a puddle, ruining his red coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 266

The mask slips

By Anonymous - 23/12/2022 12:00

Today, my boyfriend is always telling me I haven’t met his real mother yet, even though I’ve known her a year. However, when I happened to disagree with her today, she started screaming and hitting like a psycho. He had to wrestle her out the door. I get it now; I’ve now met his “real” mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 146

Pish yerself

By breyn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 088

You deserved it 2 543

By Mystery LeRale - 15/01/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, I spent four hours practicing funny voices. I have literally nothing better to do all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 558

You deserved it 8 469

Marxism intensifies

By Anonymous - 04/07/2020 17:01

Today, after three weeks of suffering from COVID, I returned to work. I met with my boss, and was written up for absenteeism. Oh, and we're closing early because there are ongoing riots. Oh, and we lost the contract and I'm unemployed in three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 291

By helpfulmom - 26/07/2009 18:39 - Canada

Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 172

You deserved it 6 789

Remember now?

By Holymoly - 14/01/2009 21:10 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 699

You deserved it 39 837

By Anonymous - 25/10/2013 17:20 - United States - Tacoma

Today, my car was broken into, on the same night I stayed up late researching how to install my new car alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 126

You deserved it 3 438

By mr.nobody - 16/12/2011 14:59 - Cyprus

Today, after I sent around 300 entries to a competition hosted by a deodorant company where the main prize is a trip to Hawaii, spending around 5 hours sending the entries, I won a deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 449

You deserved it 37 005

Pain in the ass

By Kaganate - 09/02/2010 00:32 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister's boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 603

You deserved it 25 729

Huge balls

By Anonymous - 11/10/2021 02:04 - United States

Today, I had to pick up my son from school because he was constantly talking about his "Giant pen." In mid-July, I got him a giant-sized pen (writing utensil) and he liked it very much. Apparently, one of the teachers had their mind in the gutter and thought he was talking about… you know what. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 151

Solidarity

By CockroachDinner - 26/12/2022 12:00

Today, after I continued repairs on the home of a hoarder family member, guess which one of us wasn't invited to the family dinner… FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 121

By CessnaPilot - 13/12/2011 03:47 - United States

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 945

You deserved it 6 460

By wallbanger - 07/02/2010 12:31 - Australia

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 508

You deserved it 2 416

By neoteck - 08/01/2009 07:55 - France

Today, I was talking to a charming young lady on MSN by webcam. She suddenly asked me to take my glasses off for a minute; I did so, and she said, "Oh never mind, you're still just as ugly..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 145

You deserved it 2 612

By 7rafe7 - 06/02/2011 07:37 - United States

Today, I learned that standing next to a hobo doesn't make me look better in comparison, but instead just makes me seem like a hobo as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 086

You deserved it 31 082

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 18:23 - France

Today, I crashed my car while racing backwards, so told my parents I was rear-ended. They made me call the police and file a report. I hope there were no cameras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 114

You deserved it 48 225

Outta control

By brother - 22/05/2024 06:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my little sister about trying to hook up with my friends. Married or not. She just turned 18 but I’m hoping this was the first and last time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 94

By LynnJ - 06/02/2010 02:18 - Canada

Today, I walked past a group of men at the mall and one of them mooed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 344

You deserved it 6 956

By noname - 07/01/2009 11:43 - France

Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 673

You deserved it 2 315

By Anonymous - 04/02/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, I sat across from a cute boy in my English class. I thought it was cute when he winked at me, so I laughed and winked back. I didn't understand why he shot me a dirty look, until I later found out he has eyelid spasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 960

You deserved it 6 824

By emperor - 21/07/2009 05:38 - Bangladesh

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 520

You deserved it 30 685

By Username - 03/02/2011 04:46

Today, I accidentally drank my sister's science project. Her science project consisted of taking a glass of orange juice and putting maggots in it to see if they would live. I thought it was just pulp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 969

You deserved it 24 937

Another fine mess

By MikeMoosey - 30/12/2008 18:00 - United States

Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 554

You deserved it 25 474

They targeted gamers

By DSK - 09/01/2023 15:00

Today, my girlfriend once again insisted that she didn't have a problem with my gaming. Considering that every day I find my PC desk covered in junk, and all my consoles disconnected, somehow I don't think she's telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 318

Dream on

By No more monkeys! - 28/05/2024 16:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband’s dream has always been to have a big family. I however cannot physically or mentally handle having any more. He’s now threatening to hire a surrogate to continue pumping out babies for him. We already have 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 139

No soup for you

By jnisla - 11/10/2013 22:44 - United States - Conway

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 272

You deserved it 3 457

By kristine29 - 03/02/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 433

You deserved it 2 822

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The Top

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 884

You deserved it 29 039

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 123

You deserved it 4 186

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 846

You deserved it 8 901

Today, after weeks of looking forward to my birthday trip to the beach, I've come down with a serious case of the flu. My family is still going without me, but at least now they don't have to pay someone to watch the dog. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 966

You deserved it 2 754

Today, I had to chase off the Eastern Brown snake that's been hanging around. When it doubled back, I fell over trying to move out of its way and landed in a bush that contained 3 separate wasp nests. My body feels like it is on fire and the snake is now in my chook shed, refusing to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 222

You deserved it 670

Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 136