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Bizarre Love Triangle

By SalemSyfer - 25/01/2021 16:57 - Canada - Belleville

Today, I found out that one of my best friends likes the girl that I like. What's funny is that my best friend is also a girl, and has a better chance with her than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 161

Ambien dissociation

By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 12:53 - United States

Today, I woke up after taking a sleeping pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores, including paying bills, when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 185

You deserved it 12 218

No one is that good in bed, surely

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 16:59

Today, my ex-boyfriend is still stalking me after several years. I asked him why he doesn't just move on and let me be. He replied that I drove him crazy one time when we were intimate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 166

By why mom, why? - 12/06/2013 04:59 - United States - Ross

Today, my mother threw away my brand new headphones. She saw them on the couch with duct tape on the wires and assumed they were "old, broken, and cheap." I put the tape there to avoid damaging the wires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 628

You deserved it 14 350

Weird interaction

By Yue - 23/11/2009 21:14 - Canada

Today, I went over to my best friend's house only to have his little brother run up to us and confess his love to me. His little brother is twelve and I've tutored him for a year. I'm seventeen and male. Now my best friend thinks I 'taught' him something weird. He won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 617

You deserved it 2 634

By not the cook - 09/06/2013 17:38 - United States - Wernersville

Today, I found out that my restaurant's food is so bad that the only reason some people visit is because they're punishing their kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 708

You deserved it 15 068

He's fine

By NoMagicMike - 27/06/2012 16:53 - United States - La Crescent

Today, I was assigned to work on a huge project with Michael. Michael refers to himself in the third person, constantly mumbles unintelligibly to himself, doesn't smile, laugh or make eye contact, and refuses to address me directly. I'll be stuck with him for about four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 865

You deserved it 2 357

The Protector

By fuck - 14/08/2011 19:31 - United States

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 884

You deserved it 15 834

By hesgonnahateme - 06/06/2013 05:08 - United States - Benton

Today, I got a promotion and transfer at work. My first responsibility is to fire my soon to be father in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 707

You deserved it 3 404

The effects of homeschooling

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 18:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a shop with my 9 month-old son. He was babbling gibberish as babies do, and repeatedly said what sounded like the N-word. We're white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 166

Too much information, thanks

By Anonymous - 15/07/2023 18:00

Today, I’ve had to listen to my parents discovering that they were both cheating on each other. As I left, they were screaming at each other. When I got home, not only had they calmed down, they were openly discussing whether their other partners might be interested in foursomes or swinging. Ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 140

By blah56 - 23/06/2012 05:17 - United States - Vine Grove

Today, my husband put some photos of our wedding on Facebook. He named the album "FML". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 556

You deserved it 3 562

By future burger flipper - 03/06/2013 19:22 - United States - Whitewater

Today, my parents blew my entire college fund in their quest to finish building their replica Hobbit house in our back yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 873

You deserved it 6 332

Slipping up

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 23:28 - United States

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because, I "shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 387

You deserved it 2 866

By Adam - 18/11/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my iPod dropped out of my pocket while I was walking. Trying to be cool, I attempted to kick it back into the air to catch it before it hit the ground. Upon making contact with my foot, It ended up detaching from my headphones and flying 10 feet. Right into a sewer grate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 375

You deserved it 70 279

Judge and jury

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 06:00

Today, I turned 18 and I’m now subject to adult discipline. My dad says I will no longer be grounded or have my phone taken away, but I have three strikes and if I get to three, he’s throwing me out to get my own house. He then gave me my first strike because I was 30 minutes late picking up my nana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 570

Out of pocket

By Manigirl - 03/04/2022 22:00

Today, I did a girl’s gel manicure at the nail salon I work at. When I went to give her the bill, she said, “Oh my god, it’s Jackie Chan! Hi!” and pointed behind me. Instinctively, I turned around, for her to shout “Syke!” and took off running. She didn’t pay for her manicure. It was $73. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 615

You deserved it 270

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 15:21 - United States

Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 326

You deserved it 3 864

By davav74 - 15/06/2012 23:31 - United Kingdom - Ely

Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 695

You deserved it 1 937

By myheart75 - 07/08/2011 09:52 - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 550

You deserved it 5 888

By bad son - 14/06/2012 17:42 - United States - Baldwin Park

Today, it's my mother's birthday. She received the ultimate gift from my brother, who told her he had just been accepted into medical school. I bought her scratch-offs. She won a dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 162

You deserved it 29 687

By LH0026 - 06/08/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 679

You deserved it 3 119

Shitty situation

By Anonymous - 08/04/2022 10:00 - United States - Big Lake

Today, I either have to shit my brains out on the hour every hour like clockwork, or stop taking my medicine and go back to suffering debilitating PTSD. Regardless, I’m spending half of my day locked in a small space and unable to live freely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 04:59 - United States

Today, I was playing basketball outside in my driveway. I saw three cute girls walking by, so I thought I would try to show off a little by doing a backwards slam dunk. I jumped, completely missed the rim and hit my head on the backboard. Then my mom ran out to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 651

You deserved it 42 342

By Anonymous - 27/07/2014 16:13 - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 453

You deserved it 3 094

By Anonymous - 03/08/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 112

You deserved it 42 193

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 606

You deserved it 89 016

Is that even legal?

By Norma - 22/05/2022 16:00

Today, it's the third time my ex has been granted a reduction in his child support payments coinciding with his gold digger getting an expensive gift. The first time it was her 4-carat engagement ring, then it was her breast and butt surgeries, and now a 3-week trip to Hawaii. I can barely afford food for our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 204

What is going on here?

By Emily - 07/01/2025 00:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I went to my BFF's 16th birthday party. As I arrived, a VERY cute (and familiar looking) boy said to me, "You look hot! Wanna kiss?" I've made out at parties before so I agreed. As we did, I recognized my pal as a slightly butch, if pretty, GIRL I know. Worst part - her kisses are better than my boyfriend's. Am I gay now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 801

By Username - 02/08/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 491

You deserved it 5 312

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The Top

Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 969

You deserved it 1 171

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 447

You deserved it 2 141

Today, while playing badminton, I was so distracted by my ex winking at me that I didn't notice the shuttlecock that hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 737

You deserved it 21 473

Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 046

You deserved it 6 635

Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 115

You deserved it 49 977

Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 496

You deserved it 530