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The scenic route

By Anonymous - 16/04/2023 00:00 - Spain - Santa Cruz de Tenerife

Today, after spending thousands of Euros flying back to my home country to pick up my expensive prescription medicine, I found out that I can buy it 200 meters from my current home, without prescription, and at a quarter of the price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 982

FEED ME, HOOMIN

By My cat is special - 21/04/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, my cat ate the dog's food and is now very sick. For the third time. The first time he did it, I was concerned; second time, I was confused. Now I realize he's just an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 221

By momoffour - 05/12/2010 09:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 772

You deserved it 3 300

Never road head on a first date

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, I drunkenly gave my date road head while he was driving me home. He must have gotten what he wanted, because that was a week ago and he’s totally ghosted me since. I’ve never felt this cheap and nasty and humiliated in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 1 651

Foxtrot Mike Lima

By Anonymous - 21/04/2023 18:00

Today, I went for an eye exam. The doctor asked me to read the chart on the wall and without even thinking about it, I started to call out the letters using the NATO phonetic alphabet. Nope, my time in the military has had absolutely no effect on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 206

By Jeimaiku - 27/09/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, my ex took my cat and gave her to an animal shelter while I was at work, saying he can't stand living with her any longer. He's moving out in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 196

You deserved it 2 776

Quick learner

By BubbaCat - 24/04/2023 10:00

Today, I've been babysitting a 4 month-old for two days. This has made a great impression on my cat, because now I can't sit down without him jumping up and licking my face until I pat his butt and rock him like the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 209

Leave me alone!

By Anonymous - 18/09/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I got chased by a duck. Not just any duck, the same duck that has chased me every morning for a week. I’m starting to think it has a personal vendetta against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 22/12/2009 01:30 - Canada

Today, I got fed up with the amount of hair on my feet, so I went to get my foot hair waxed off. When I removed my socks, the waxer laughed the amount of foot hair. I'm a 18 year old female and it appears I have feet that were last seen on Big Foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 083

You deserved it 4 108

By Anonymous - 29/10/2014 08:19 - Australia - Ashburton

Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me, I stopped and thoroughly checked both sides of the road before crossing. I still managed to get hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 575

You deserved it 7 351

Unhinged

By Anonymous - 29/04/2023 12:00

Today, I recently participated in a play and my mom asked for the video, so I said that someone should be sending it soon. My dad said, "It's OK, she doesn't have friends, she hasn't had one since childhood, that's why she doesn't have the video." I do in fact have friends, and the video had been sent already but I forgot to check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 130

Suspicious minds

By Bill - 29/04/2023 00:00

Today, my girlfriend confronted me about having an active Tinder profile. When she showed it to me, it was someone pretending to be me. But that now begs the question: Why is she on Tinder? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 131

Interested

By Anonymous - 03/06/2009 01:33 - Australia

Today, my bank card was skimmed (copied electronically) and my account was totally cleaned out. I had only just got paid and don't get paid again for 4 weeks. The bank says it will take 21 days minimum to resolve. They offered me a credit card with a huge interest rate to help me get by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 425

You deserved it 2 703

Lookalikes

By RonnieG - 22/07/2013 22:30 - United States - Orlando

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 155

You deserved it 14 158

By Anonymous - 21/09/2011 13:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 800

You deserved it 6 220

The hero we deserved

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 15:00

Today, I helped save three people, including a newborn, when I was sole witness to a bad car crash. My boss said that wasn’t a valid reason to be 4 hours late for work and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 104

By Gross - 21/07/2013 23:20 - United States - Houston

Today, I got fired from my job as a seafood manager because an entire wedding group came in and started yelling at me, saying the shrimp was horrible and I ruined their wedding. They showed me the leftovers; they never cooked them. They fed raw shrimp at a wedding dinner party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 920

You deserved it 3 947

I'm a loser, baby

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 684

You deserved it 10 040

I hear you telephone thing, listening in

By Anonymous - 09/05/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, I've been talking to a chick since early this year and she seems to like me a lot. We were both drinking heavily and were talking on the phone, having a really good time. Suddenly it hangs up. I get her back on the phone just a few minutes later only to hear her getting the bottom knocked out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 282

Freudian design

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I hired a graphic artist to design a logo for my shop. I think the guy might be obsessed with sex, since his first design looked like a vagina up a tree, and when I asked him to redo it, the result looked like a pair of boobs. Either he’s in denial or he’s actively mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 12:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 688

You deserved it 3 859

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 10:50 - United States

Today, I found myself actively concerned about what the characters from "Will and Grace" have been doing since the show went off the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 959

You deserved it 17 952

Skin care

By Username - 24/11/2010 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up early and went to the dermatologist's, only to have them tell me that the skin condition I have that causes big, white spots to appear is chronic and I can do nothing about it. But they did give me cream for a different skin condition they found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 446

You deserved it 2 415

By roark0806 - 29/05/2009 13:54 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a Bo Bice concert for her birthday. She loves him so I bought us second row seats. After we got there we ran into some friends of hers sitting way back in the lawn section, and of course she wanted to sit with them. I paid $300 to sit on the grass and watch Bo Bice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 559

You deserved it 4 899

5 Yelp stars

By Jeff89 - 16/05/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist to get a cavity filled. As the dentist was drilling, he accidentally hit a nerve and I ended up screaming in pain. The whole office heard me and now I'm too embarrassed to go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 138

Bitch better have my money

By Pio - 22/02/2022 16:00

Today, I asked my coworker to pay back the $100 I'd loaned her when she fell on hard times. She’s owed me for almost a year now, and she always said she’d pay me back “Next week.” She responded by telling HR that I was “harassing” and “threatening” her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 182

Anger management classes going well?

By Fuckrs - 15/05/2026 15:00 - United States - Secaucus

Today, not only did my deadbeat brother mooch off me for six months, wreck my car, and screw my wife, he just successfully sued me for the medical bills he incurred when I caught them and beat him within an inch of his life. Twelve fucking grand in debt. I should have just stabbed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 154

By Forge - 11/10/2014 14:43 - United States - Taylor

Today, I went to my grandma's yard sale, only to find my baby pictures being sold for 25 cents each. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 052

You deserved it 3 486

By Blizzards - 14/07/2013 05:29 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I went to the pool. As I started going up the steps to use the water slide, a kid no older than 10 yanked my swim trunks down to "see what's down there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 222

You deserved it 3 406

Blizzards tells us more.

Blizzards 13

Sunday 14 July 2013 22:26

OP here, he was behind me the whole time (he blamed it on his sister). Thankfully, he only pulled it down enough to expose my butt. I pulled my trunks up, but I didn't say anything and just acted as if he wasn't there.

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 07:22 - United States

Today, I finished moving cross-country and signed a 13 month lease to be closer to my on-again / off-again boyfriend of the past five years. I showed up at his place to borrow his truck just as his "local" girlfriend was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 816

You deserved it 19 650

RoadGoesOn4Ever tells us more.

RoadGoesOn4Ever 0

Monday 14 December 2009 8:08

I'm the OP. I originally moved away from him to finish my degree/get my Masters. We've been on and off because he runs private security for the government and spends the majority of his time overseas. I signed a 13 month lease because I wanted to live in a house and I have two big dogs. He was all for me moving out here. Long story short, IMO: the situation blows, we're over and done with, and I have an awesome new house/job in Vegas.

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The Top

The Top

Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 836

You deserved it 3 700

Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 848

You deserved it 3 671

Today, my dad had his "sixteen years overdue" vasectomy. I'm fifteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 546

You deserved it 2 903

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 501

You deserved it 23 311

Today, my husband nearly set our apartment on fire, all because he attempted to burn any evidence of his affair with his mistress, including the used latex condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 153

Today, I discovered that I'm allergic to the flowering plant my passive-aggressive mother gave me for Christmas. I take two different antihistamines daily for my numerous allergies all year round, and my mother knows this is why I don't have house plants. She said, "You better not get rid of it!" I think she hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 163