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By Hollywoodanonymous - 31/10/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 687

You deserved it 3 961

Frustration

By WhereIsIt? - 25/09/2020 14:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 467

Getting on a bit

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 05:01

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 394

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 01:34 - United Kingdom

Today, while trying to get my phone to charge, I shoved in the cable harder and harder and tried to wobble it so my phone would charge. After snapping the USB input from the force, I saw the plug was switched off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 704

You deserved it 44 225

By edulover - 01/01/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 739

You deserved it 6 416

By Maxwell - 04/02/2010 10:47 - France

Today, my 4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder. He stuck over 500 dollars in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 823

You deserved it 16 787

By Anonymous - 13/12/2014 16:19 - United States - Memphis

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 031

You deserved it 3 098

By 3yrneveragainn - 31/12/2010 00:45

Today, I figured out why the man I've been seeing for 3 years hasn't asked for my hand in marriage. His current wife called me and told me all about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 112

You deserved it 4 131

Stable genius

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 02:02 - United States - New York

Today, I went on a short date with a new girl in the office, who everyone thought was a tad bit odd. Also today, she showed me the names of our future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 256

By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 19:54 - Denmark

Today, I realized that trying to fit in with my crush's social circle by acting like one of the lads was a waste of time. All he does is high-five me all the time and tell me every little detail of his latest one night stands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 403

You deserved it 28 079

By targetlove - 10/01/2010 01:23 - Australia

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 324

You deserved it 3 417

Don't Look...

By FML Videos - 25/10/2018 00:30

It's always disappointing!

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 70

By MereLewis95 - 26/10/2011 08:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 477

You deserved it 4 541

By Emily - 21/09/2012 01:39 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 198

You deserved it 2 032

David Lee Roth approves

By SNBBFF - 25/10/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 931

You deserved it 4 326

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 18:56 - United States

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 423

You deserved it 10 317

Great start

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who kept checking his phone every five minutes. When I asked him if everything was okay, he told me he was just playing Candy Crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 115

By dearbailee - 18/09/2012 14:04 - United States

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 933

You deserved it 4 115

By desigymrat - 25/12/2010 05:29 - France

Today, I was working out at the gym. A very attractive girl was watching me work out, so feeling like a stud, I tried to lift a really heavy weight. I failed, got trapped, and watched helplessly as she walked away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 516

You deserved it 42 639

Facebook's cesspit

By Anonymous - 23/08/2013 22:52 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I mentioned on Facebook that I'll be out of town over the weekend, because I am attending my grandmother's funeral. I soon got comments saying "Pics or it didn't happen" and "Killed her for the inheritance, eh?" followed by a solitary "LOLLL". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 928

You deserved it 5 663

By lord kuntface - 22/08/2013 21:33 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me for not getting any work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 651

You deserved it 3 549

Nice "friend" you've got there

By jwhizzle - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 714

You deserved it 3 099

By Anonymous - 05/01/2010 07:16 - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 143

You deserved it 3 884

Assumption Day

By hashtag beard life - 13/10/2020 02:01 - United States

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said she, “hates daddy’s kisses because they feel funny.” My extended family freaked out and assumed the worse. My husband has recently grown a beard and my daughter hates how scratchy it feels. He’s not a monster but they still treat us weird now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 102

Same!

By shut_up - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Roseburg

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 191

You deserved it 5 911

By Anonymous - 06/01/2017 23:46

Today, I had to do an assignment about my greatest achievement and about an award I've received. I don't have either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 256

By planking champion - 17/10/2011 22:05 - United States

Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 102

You deserved it 80 421

I got this!

By promoted - 20/12/2010 05:29 - Australia

Today, my boss quit his job and stopped coming in without warning. Guess who just inherited his tasks and responsibilities without the training or pay associated with his manager role. I was hired last year as a junior system admin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 809

You deserved it 3 110

Costly spat

By brokeandsad - 03/01/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 608

You deserved it 9 631

Now hireable

By Anonymous - 03/01/2022 19:59

Today, I rage-quit my job because my manager put me in a situation between putting my kids or my career first. I obviously chose my kids, but I’m now an unemployed single mom of two in the middle of a pandemic, with no one hiring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 412

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The Top

Today, I had a job interview where I was asked, "Who is your best friend?" I replied truthfully, "My cat", only to then be asked what my cat would describe as my best qualities, which didn't go far beyond, "Remembering to feed him". They weren't impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 772

You deserved it 5 505

Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 782

You deserved it 3 127

Today, I was in the changing room at the local YMCA. I went to use the hair dryer but couldn't because a naked old man was bent over, butt cheeks spread wide with his hands, and ass aimed at the dryer. He seemed to be enjoying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 380

You deserved it 3 502

Today, I learned there is such a thing as "too much sex". After a full week of having sex at least twice a day with my girlfriend, I had to go to the GP due to a painful erection and swelling. The constant sex had caused me to burst a blood vessel in my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 709

You deserved it 2 927

Today, I found out my roommate has been cheating me out of hundreds of dollars when I finally obtained records of the past year's electric bills, which are in her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 218

Today, after I flew 16 hours across the world to see my girlfriend, on the fifth day of the holiday we broke up because she ended up telling me she "can't do distance." After all those hours of flying, we spent the last 3 days in the hotel room mostly crying, and I asked her face to face, "Why did you break me?" She left; I'm broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 104