The Top

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Fashionista

By malicious_melons - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Santa Paula

Today, my mother had a full-on hissy fit because of the clothes I was wearing. Not because she thought they were inappropriate, but because I was "stealing her look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 644

You deserved it 3 599

Snowflakes

By Anonymous - 16/02/2022 12:01

Today, it's been three days since my mom starting ranting the about the "obscenity" of the Super Bowl halftime show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 29/09/2014 12:06 - United States - Vallejo

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 556

You deserved it 4 701

By purpleivy - 06/09/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, after a conference with my teacher who had previously accused me of not doing my homework, she finally discovered she'd been losing it all this time. I've been getting straight Fs for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 756

You deserved it 2 449

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 22:26

Today, I text messaged my mom from Afghanistan to let her know everything was okay. She responded, telling me not to message her so much because "the price of text messages really adds up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 580

You deserved it 3 635

Snitches get stiches

By Anonymous - 30/05/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my so-called son told me that I'm never going to see my grandchildren again because I caught him cheating on his wife (in MY home and in MY bed!) and ratted him out to her so now they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 104

By damn dog - 05/07/2013 05:43 - United States

Today, during a firework show, my dog gave me her opinion about them by practically eating half my bedroom door then defecating on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 706

You deserved it 7 873

By anonomys - 05/09/2011 19:19 - Canada

Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 306

You deserved it 10 135

Self defence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 137

You deserved it 2 488

Welcome

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 20:01

Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 153

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 02:00

Today, I have a massive paradox on my hands. My doctor told me to stop drinking so much tea to combat my sleeplessness, and it worked. Until now. I went to the doctor again to figure out why it suddenly stopped working, and she told me the reason I can't sleep now is because I have caffeine withdrawal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 201

By sarvenom - 11/01/2012 04:52 - Belgium

Today, my son’s kindergarten teacher asked her students to describe their dad with a word or an expression. In the midst of “kind” dads, “hug” dads and “kiss” dads, I'm the “whisky dad”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 261

Revenge?

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 07:06 - Canada

Today, at work, I was looking for my lost wallet. After hours of looking I gave up and went home. The wallet then showed up in my mail box with an envelope marked "To the asshole." I opened the letter and it was filled with poop. My wallet too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 760

You deserved it 5 082

PSA

By Anonymous - 04/06/2023 06:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my mother-in-law showed my five year-old a video of a dog biting a baby, complete with blood all over the baby’s face. We have a dog and a baby. I had to explain that we are careful and that she was a baby with the same sort of dog and is fine. I don’t think she believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 180

By c - 22/07/2012 04:50 - United States - Denham Springs

Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 140

You deserved it 1 776

Sweep sweep

By PghSportsNation - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I awoke to my cat with micro pellets all over him. He'd destroyed a pillow containing them, and now there are thousands of these pellets throughout the entire house. My vacuum is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 888

You deserved it 4 486

They call me the geyser

By Anonymous - 21/03/2022 22:00

Today, it's been 3 weeks since we had dinner with my sister's new girlfriend, who made us a Chinese soup that was "good for digestion". I’ve had cast iron bowels for 32 years with no problems, but for the 3 weeks since that soup, I have to shit brown water 10 times a day and I’m in agony. I think she poisoned me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 160

Time to unionize

By Anonymous - 06/06/2023 06:00

Today, my job announced we will be working mandatory 7 days a week for the next 6 weeks, maybe longer. There goes my summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 128

By botheredgf - 09/11/2010 12:02 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend drunkenly decided to let his friends cut his hair into a mullet. He won't change it. I'm supposed to introduce him to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 593

You deserved it 4 441

By HeIsKindaRightTho - 16/09/2014 04:31 - United States - Houghton

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 362

You deserved it 4 948

By bunkbed - 30/08/2011 16:45 - Canada

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 085

You deserved it 3 882

Curious

By friendless - 03/12/2009 06:12 - Canada

Today, I got invited out by friends for coffee after I broke up with my boyfriend. When I told my mom where I was going, she looked at me and said, "But you don't have friends. All your friends are pixels. Where are you really going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 685

You deserved it 3 832

By Anonymous - 26/06/2013 09:07 - United States

Today, someone came into the store I work at, laughed at my name on my name-tag, and left without even buying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 784

You deserved it 3 946

By ostler - 02/12/2009 13:27 - United Kingdom

Today, at work I was told I'd be working over Christmas because I don't drink. Apparently if you're tee-total, you're not entitled to spend time with your family and are incapable of having fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 914

You deserved it 3 933

Fruit and veg

By dan - 25/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 391

You deserved it 15 405

By ant_hater - 28/08/2011 18:18 - United States

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 653

You deserved it 2 533

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, after getting out of the shower, I was in a good mood. So I decided to run around the house naked, then play air guitar while air drying, just for fun. My blinds were open, and the men in the Fedex truck in my front yard did have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 636

You deserved it 34 601

Get on with it

By HP_22 - 01/12/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, I was the only employee at a video store where I work when it got robbed. After crying, shaking and spending two hours and dealing with the police, my boss called and told me it was good experience and I would know what to do next time, then made me finish my shift, the night shift, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 776

You deserved it 3 308

By Anonymous - 30/04/2019 16:00

Today, I had to quit my job. Why? Because I don't have a babysitter anymore. All I did was tell them I didn't want them mocking my baby when he cries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 342

Karma

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 18:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 309

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Kids Pregnancy Family Money Birthday Animals Cats Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

Today, I picked up my laundry from the wash-and-fold and proceeded to put everything away. I noticed a hand towel that wasn't mine and made a mental note to return it; turned out they'd given me someone else's boxers as well. My boyfriend doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 602

You deserved it 1 147

Today, I agreed to help out with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower. They forgot to inform me that "helping" meant splitting the cost of everything. I now owe his family $275. I don't know how to back out without looking cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 760

You deserved it 2 656

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 346

You deserved it 5 082

Today, I confided to my boyfriend that I have a condition that causes me to grow thick toe hair. He now won't stop calling me "the sexy Hobbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 837

You deserved it 7 348

Today, I was the only passenger on a completely booked flight to have all their luggage left behind in another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 891

You deserved it 3 262

Today, I sent my abusive girlfriend a text, explaining I was breaking up with her via text because I was afraid for my physical safety if I broke up with her in person. She video chatted me less than five seconds later from our doctor's office, where the doctor confirmed she is in fact pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 347