The Top

He refused to go with me on vacation because he said that Italy was too hot. You can ask him why he didn't want to go. I put the chicken in a container and handed it to him because I figured if he wanted to keep it lying around the house while I was gone, he wouldn't mind eating it while he was finding a place that would take his lazy ass in.

By Noname - 19/02/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I decided to try this new cardio workout video I got. As I was obnoxiously bouncing around my room I heard a noise behind me. Turns out there were three boys outside my window watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 125

You deserved it 29 139

Play by play

By nowinshituation - 12/10/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, after being unnecessarily cruel and smearing me in court, my ex had his first weekend with the kids since our split. He has texted me no less than 38 times, wanting play by play directions on how to take care of them. I wanna tell him to go fuck himself but I’m worried my kids will suffer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 197

By Anonymous - 08/01/2014 00:39 - United States - Salem

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 427

You deserved it 61 030

By screwed - 08/02/2012 01:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally met my girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was driving the ambulance that she was in, due to severe alcohol poisoning and was on the way to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 146

You deserved it 7 651

By Danielle - 09/04/2011 23:00 - United States

Today, while dog sitting, the dog peed on the carpet. There was a bottle of cleaning spray on the counter so I sprayed the spot. Turns out that spray was Clorox Bleach. Now their carpet is bright orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 328

You deserved it 27 409

By tbright010 - 08/04/2011 22:48 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 544

You deserved it 4 635

He's a very naughty boy

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 08:00

Today, a Jehovah's Witness followed me around, talking about Jesus. My dad's a pastor. I hear this stuff all day, every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 707

You deserved it 194

Sensitive

By Anonymous - 19/02/2024 09:00

Today, even though I told my son I had vegan burgers for him, he brought enough vegan food for everyone at a barbecue, and tried to get everyone to try it. Not one person ate a damn bit of it, and he’s now crying, all while blocking our drive with his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 241

By Anonymous - 25/08/2009 17:03 - United States

Today, I was at the park with my autistic son when I noticed a teenage girl imitating him by flapping her hands and walking on her toes. Fed up with children mocking my son, I went over and sternly lectured the girl's mother. Turns out, her daughter is autistic too and will be in my son's class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 997

You deserved it 23 222

Mortifying

By Anonymous - 21/02/2024 09:00 - United States - San Ramon

Today, I was doing my nightly check of my daughter's phone since a recent stint in the psych hospital, and saw that she had fallen into a peaceful sleep to watching videos on a website dedicated to watching people die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 190

Bad boy

By Coldandshoeless - 08/01/2013 10:40 - United States - Hackettstown

Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 322

You deserved it 6 447

By Noname - 14/02/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 279

You deserved it 4 238

By Sad nerd - 05/01/2013 17:09 - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 296

You deserved it 1 880

By Kingspin - 30/03/2011 16:14 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 687

You deserved it 2 922

Kingspin tells us more.

Kingspin 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 0:12

...How would I explain the third degree burns and traces of bacon grease? And he ran off luckily.

By dead - 09/03/2010 00:49 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years left me because apparently I'm "too beautiful and he can no longer handle other guys always trying to flirt with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 640

You deserved it 6 494

By Wendizzle - 27/01/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had to work late. I missed the last bus so I called a cab. That was 3 hours ago. I called my dad for a ride. That was 2 hours ago. I guess I'm sleeping under my desk tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 019

You deserved it 2 782

By smarie09 - 06/03/2010 22:44 - Canada

Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 149

You deserved it 6 032

By sickandtiredofit - 24/01/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 535

You deserved it 3 143

Take your time

By Kitty - 08/08/2021 15:59 - United States - Johnston

Today, thinking I could carry it all, I stubbornly brought a load of food in with both hands. The glass jar of nacho cheese smashed on my radiator, and I had to use a toothbrush to clean between the cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 902

By anonymous - 17/12/2013 05:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 099

You deserved it 3 727

By EnemyofKarma - 04/03/2010 08:52 - Canada

Today, I marched into my workplace yelling "take this job and shove it", under the impression I would be on a flight in a few days out of here. However, the airline has informed me I cannot fly until April because cargo is too cold for my dog this time of year. Jobless, four weeks to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 282

You deserved it 37 476

Word of the day

By Someone - 06/11/2022 04:00

Today, I've known that I'm dyspraxic for a long time. It was a real eye-opener when I found out about it, but there's still one problem: the majority of the population seems to be incapable of understanding the condition. I still get bullied for not being able to do simple tasks, even with the diagnosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 157

By everore - 25/12/2012 18:12 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 097

You deserved it 3 474

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 142

You deserved it 10 966

Muddy

By >.> - 12/12/2013 05:31 - Canada - Chestermere

Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 023

You deserved it 3 883

Spectacle

By chunderful202 - 24/12/2012 08:46 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I woke up with a hangover from hell. My clothes were stained with vomit, I was propped up on the sofa with a bowl between my knees, and my hair tied to one side. My mum was taking photos to send to Grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 815

You deserved it 41 574

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, our company did a photo-session for the website. The photographer was limping, and I immediately asked what's wrong with him. Then I noticed he was on a prosthetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 458

You deserved it 2 540

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 446

You deserved it 2 581

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 569

You deserved it 9 923

Today, my mother-in-law told my husband that I cannot stay in her house unless I can bring proof from a doctor that my allergy to cats is not contagious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 548

You deserved it 2 544

Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at Tae kwon do practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear." He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 499

You deserved it 2 864

Today, my disgusting coworker made a comment about "women versus accountability" and I couldn't even yell at him for being a sexist scumbucket, because my wife threw coffee at me yesterday for pointing out that she'd left the chips open and they went stale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 367